Pardon

Today was one of the very few occasions when I found myself lost for words, I usually have no problems understanding just about any nationality, but today the two lasses who got into the back of the cab might as well have been speaking broad Martian. In the end, they had to point to where they wanted to go. They started to talk to each other and it dawned on me that they were actually Irish, I’m usually Ok with the Irish brogue but this dialect was one I had never heard before. Still we had a laugh and got there in the end, but this reminds me of the drunken lady I picked up a while back one rainy day.

She was so drunk that she could not speak at all and she just waved her hands in the direction that she wanted to go. When we eventually got to her house she wasn’t capable of counting the fare so she just threw her bag at me to get the cash out for myself. Next comes the bit I was worried about, there was no way she could walk and I didn’t fancy carrying her rather large bulk into her house, you never know what you may be accused of later. After banging on a few neighbours doors, I managed to get some folk who knew her and her drunken habits to help her in. If this is the state she gets in the middle of the afternoon I wouldn’t like to see her after a heavy night out!

Black Eye Friday

Way up here in this part of the North of England, we tend to call the last Friday before Christmas “Black Eye Friday.”
 It's the day most people finish work for the Christmas holidays and they tend to finish work early about lunch time and they then head straight down to the pub for a long boozy session.
 I find it amusing when it gets to about four o'clock in the afternoon I then start to pick up some of the less hardened boozers when they have had enough and want to go home.  Lots of them are then telling me what a good night they have had; they are convinced that because it's dark that it must be very very late at night. I never tell them any different and just drive them home.
 Once a year drunks I call them the very worst kind of drinker because they just aren't used to it, give me a seasoned drinker anytime.  They take ages to come out of the pub shaking hands, hugging everyone in sight, and then going back into the pub several times for yet more long emotional farewells. Then once you get them into the taxi, the struggle is then to get them out of the taxi at the other end, because you are, their new very best friend in the whole wide world and they want to tell you their life story many times very very slowly and emotionally. Then its handshakes and if I’m very unlucky big bear hugs, but of, course none of my new found best friends ever recognise me ever again.
Still it's all good sport, Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Reluctant Fare

I went to pick up a guy from a house party this Sunday morning and when I arrived outside the house he came staggering out and gave me the fare and sent me away. This was the second time he had done this strange thing that morning.
He explained drunkenly that he had not yet had enough beer to go home and face the almighty rage of his wife "she’ll rip my face off and feed it to the dog" he said." Can you send me another taxi in half an hour, I'll have a few more beers" he said. How many more taxis he paid and sent away after that I don’t know perhaps I should have parked around the corner and kept going back for the money every twenty minutes.

Pie Eyed

I had two guys and one not so lovely lady in the cab this morning, one of the guys just happened to be gay.
 They had been out all night partying and were still totally steaming drunk. The over the top drunken lady all of a sudden comes out with the classic weird question “is your brother fat because you’re gay then”? 
There was a stunned silence for a minute or two and then the gay man said “no it’s because he eats too many pies” 
 Oh yes, she said," I eat pies too does that make me fat as well?” He just witheringly looked her up and down in scornful silence for a long moment and then they all started screaming and arguing at the top of their voices, luckily they had reached the destination and were getting out by then, boy was I glad to get rid of them.

Car Hunting

I went on a hunt the car mission this morning, about the third in the last month or two.
 I had picked a guy up who had been out drinking till the wee small early hours and now he had decided it was time to pick the car up. As with the rest he was full of confidence that it was just a straightforward taxi ride to the car and then driving it back home, and just like the others his face fell a country mile when the car was not where he thought it was. So it was a blank expression for a minute or two then he exclaims “I know" and directs me to another pub car park two miles away, but of course the same thing happens there also. He gets increasingly panicked as we try another two places where he thinks he may have left his car. 
But at the last place we try and with £12.00 on the meter there is his car, great big smiles from him until he puts his hand in his pocket for the keys.  "Dohh! "

Foul Mouths

I picked up three huge Australian rugby players today and I fully expected a bit of cursing from them. But not a bit of it, not a word was said that couldn't be repeated at the vicar’s tea party. Not that I have ever been invited to the vicars tea party that is. The trio of polite good mannered blokes were a pleasure to drive for,
This was in sharp contrast to the next bunch who happened to be pupils from a local school they seemed and looked okay, that is until they opened their mouths.
 Now I've been around a fair bit, but I have never heard swearing and profanity the like of which was casually uttered by these girls of thirteen or fourteen. If only the mothers of the foul females could have overheard them!

Bootless

Why do our local Barrow lasses go out on the town in boots or shoes that are so very obviously uncomfortable.
 On the Sunday mornings presumably after a hard nights partying I always seem to pick up lots of young ladies  carrying the previous night’s footwear.
 Last Sunday morning I picked up three girls in a row all carrying high boots with big heels, if they hurt why wear them? 
 Still that’s women for you.
 Reminds me of a Sunday a while back when I picked up a lass going to one of the villages about six or seven miles away from Barrow, she had been out all night and was still pretty drunk. Still in a good mood she was talking away about her night and things that had happened and all the while she was emphasising points by waving her arms about. After about three miles she was still in full flow when suddenly she stopped and quickly put her hands down and went bright red. That was when I knew that she had finally realised she had her knickers grasped in her hand and had been waving them about for the last ten minutes.
 She slipped them into her pocket and didn't say much after that; they were red by the way!

Payback Time

Instead of getting involved in the mayhem of New Years Eve I opted for an early start on New Years Day. This gives good opportunity for payback for all the Peter Kay taxi driver sketches that groups of giggling drunks always try to recreate in the back of the cab. It really does get a bit boring by the time you get to the hundredth time of "busy tonight mate” and "what time you on till” that bloody Peter Kay has a lot to answer for.
 But the tables are turned early next morning when the fares are a bit worse for wear after a full nights partying. Nothing too harsh you understand, just a bit of gentle mickey taking. Such as looking back at the hung-over wreck in the back and saying” we'd better get you back to the crypt before the sun comes up eh!" Or to the fella wearing the brightly coloured frilly shirt, "we'd better get you home before your mother misses her blouse.
 Or the useful advice given to the young lass who looked as if she had been dragged through a hedge backwards “I'd stay away from mirrors for a few days if I was you." One confused staggerer who was having trouble remembering where he lived and muttered "over the hill and round the bend" to which I replied "yes I know you are but where do you live,”
 But even I had to refrain from any cruel humour with my first fare of the day. This was from the crowded casualty department of Furness General hospital where he had been all night. It seems that he had a disagreement with a lass who promptly settled the matter by taking her shoe off and embedding the stiletto heel in his head several times, ouch.

Black Eye Friday 2014

Way up here in this part of the North of England, we tend to call the last Friday before Christmas “Black Eye Friday.”
 It's the day most people finish work for the Christmas holidays and they tend to finish work early about lunch time and they then head straight down to the pub for a long boozy session.
 I find it amusing when it gets to about four o'clock in the afternoon I then start to pickup some of the less hardened boozers when they have had enough and want to go home.  Lots of them are then telling me what a good night they have had; they are convinced that because it's dark that it must be very very late at night. I never tell them any different and just drive them home.
 Once a year drunks I call them the very worst kind of drinker because they just aren't used to it, give me a seasoned drinker anytime.  They take ages to come out of the pub shaking hands, hugging everyone in sight, and then going back into the pub several times for yet more emotional farewells. Then once you get them into the taxi, the struggle is then to get them out of the taxi at the other end, because you are, their new very best friend in the whole wide world and they want to tell you their life story many times very very slowly and emotionally. Then its handshakes and if I’m very unlucky big bear hugs, but of course none of my new found best friends ever recognise me ever again.

Still it's all good sport, Merry Christmas and a happy new year. 

The Next Day

Funny how people hurt themselves on a Saturday night but it doesn't seem to hurt them till the following Sunday morning.

 I had two trips to the hospital in a row this Sunday both had injury’s to the same leg, the first had been at a party where they played an old punk track and of course, the guy thought he would relive his youth and see if he could still pogo like way back in his teenage days.

The next said he had fallen over a kerb, bet he couldn't find it the next day though.

 Reminds me of a few months back when I picked up a guy still very much the worse for wear who had fallen the night before. When he woke up, he saw something white on his elbow so he tried to brush it off; unfortunately, it turned out to be his bone sticking out! He was still laughing about it but that will have stopped when the alcohol wore off and the stitches went in.

 On the way up to casualty, I said to him, you know when you get treated that the nurse will say to you that this wont hurt a bit. “Yes” he said expectantly “well she will be lying” I replied!

On The Street

I saw this strange sight today on a local  Barrow in Furness street and couldn't resist taking a photo.
 It reminded me of a tale from one particular busy Sunday a while back now.
 I had picked my fare up which was a guy who had obviously been out partying all night long. He was still very much the worse for wear but in a very good mood laughing and joking as we drove through to the nearby town of Dalton.
 The party animal was still laughing at one of his many unfunny jokes when we pulled into his street, then he suddenly stopped and the entire colour drained out of his face and he looked really shocked. 
What’s the matter I asked, his mouth was working but no words were coming out, he looked like he was going to have a seizure. But then I saw the problem outside what turned out to be his house was a pile of plastic bags with shoes clothes etc (his I guess) spilling out. 
 And to make it worse it was pouring it down with rain and there balanced on top of the sodden pile was a very expensive looking stereo. 

New Year New Revenge.

Instead of getting involved in the mayhem of New Years Eve I opted for an early start on New Years Day. This gives good opportunity's for payback for all the Peter Kay taxi driver sketches that groups of giggling drunks always try to recreate in the back of the cab. It really does get a bit boring by the time you get to the hundredth time of "busy tonight mate” and "what time you on till” that Peter Kay has a lot to answer for.
 But the tables are turned early next morning when the fares are a bit worse for wear after a full nights partying. Nothing too harsh you understand, just a bit of gentle mickey taking.
 Such as looking back at the hung-over wreck in the back and saying” we’d better get you back to the crypt before the sun comes up eh!" Or to the fella wearing the brightly coloured frilly shirt, "we'd better get you home before your mother misses her blouse.
 Or the useful advice given to the young lass who looked as if she had been dragged through a hedge backwards “I’d stay away from mirrors for a few days if I was you."
 One confused staggerer who was having trouble remembering where he lived and muttered "over the hill and round the bend" to which I replied "yes I know you are but where do you live,”
 But even I had to refrain from any cruel humour with my first fare of the day. This was from the crowded casualty department of Furness General hospital were he had been all night. It seems that he had a disagreement with a lass who promptly settled the matter by taking her shoe off and embedding the stiletto heel in his head several times, ouch.

Black Eye Friday

Up here in this part of the North of England, we tend to call the last Friday before Christmas “Black Eye Friday”. It's the day most people finish work for the Christmas holidays, they tend to finish work early about lunch time and they then head straight down to the pub for a long boozy session.

 I find it amusing when it gets to about four o’clock in the afternoon I then start to pickup some of the less hardened boozers when they have had enough and want to go home.  Lots of them are then telling me what a good night they have had; they are convinced that because it's dark that it must be very very late at night. I never tell them any different and just drive them home.

 Once a year drunks I call them the very worst kind of drinker because they just aren't used to it, give me a seasoned drinker anytime.  They take ages to come out of the pub shaking hands, hugging everyone in sight, and then going back into the pub several times for yet more emotional farewells. Then once you get them into the taxi, the struggle is then to get them out of the taxi at the other end, because you are, their new very best friend in the whole wide world and they want to tell you their life story many times very very slowly and emotionally. Then its handshakes and if I’m very unlucky big bear hugs, but of course none of my new found best friends ever recognise me ever again.

Still merry Christmas and seasons greetings to all cheers.

Halloween weekend chaos

Tonight started out as a very busy night and continued that way well into the early hours. The difference being is that after 11pm you deal with a different class of human being. so tonight I witnessed the following:

• Numerous fights all over the town usually by young sad pathetic knob rotting low life scum of the earth chavs who have half a pint of luke warm lager and think they can take on the world.

• At least 4 cars driving with a combination of no lights, swearing all over the road, driving at 10mph in a 30 zone and one of them coming down a one way street the wrong way with no lights on at all.

• A police car that pulled out in front of me giving no indication at all and then he proceeded to raise his hand whilst in his vehicle as to say STOP and this was after he pulled out on me and did a U turn.

• Loads of drunk people that can't seem to grasp the context of road safety and just walk out in front of you regardless of what's coming towards them

• I also saw the aftermath of 3 accidents, cars with windows smashed, no front wheel and no front end

• Another Police vehicle that had driven down a pedestrianised area (Dalton Road) and failed to stop at the Jcn of Buccleuch street as I was driving past and if I hadn't had slammed the brakes on he would have gone straight into the side of me.

Thats quite a lot for one night but I get the impression that the Police should certainly abide by the rules of the road if the rest of us have to and there was no sirens or blue lights illuminated so it doesn't give them any more right than a normal driver.

I know the Police are overstretched as they couldn't be everywhere and with so much going on in the town I expect there would have been more incidents as the night progresses

Why cant people learn that its not big and its not clever to drink and drive or to start fighting and acting like idiots under the influence of drink. They should be able to go out and enjoy themselves, know their limit and go home safely.

No wonder a lot of people who are sensible don't like going into town at night and from a Taxi Drivers point of view we are the ones doing the job of the police by getting them off the streets and taking them home. That's if they remember where they live or have the means to pay the fare,.

Beer , Cigs and the fare

This afternoon around 3pm I had the privilege of picking up one of the towns well known alcoholics and what fun that one was. She got in the car sounding as gruff as a grizzly bear and as soon as she got it then she climbed out the other side asking if we were there yet.

Within a couple of minutes this man came out the house and got in the car and got her in the car as well. Just as I set off she said she had no money to pay the fare and wanted to get out. The man she was with wasnt amused with her and he had no money either.

Then she says she wants me to take her to the shop so she can buy a bottle of cider and some cigarettes which got me thinking that if she didn't have any money then how can she afford those luxuries. (I mean necessities to her). I asked to saee her money and make sure she had enough to pay the fare. She handed me a £10 note and told me to take the fare out of that but could I wait at the shop. I set off and waited at the shop and she came back out saying she couldnt get served as I had her money and she wanted it back to by what she wanted. I figired that what she would buy would leave her with no money for the taxi and I questioned her on this. Her attitude was that I could wait for my money and she would drop it in the office for me next week. (I doubt she would even remember).

I stood my ground, refused to give the the money. The man in the car was on my side and kept trying to get her to see sense. I then proceeded to take them to their destination and I gave them change out of the £10 note.

he then complained that she didnt have enough for cigs and cider as this was more important than a stupid daft taxi fare.

Just cant understand some people

Drunken Woman

Its not that often I get out on the road these days as a taxi driver but when I do I`m always looking for something interesting.

Last night I picked 3 women up that had been to a party. It was a family party, there was mother, daughter and daughters daughter and most people can go out and have a good time and go home happy but its not always the case as there is always one who cannot handle their drink.

The middle aged woman in tha back of the car sandwiched between the other two was extremely abusive verbally to both the other passengers. Now the journey meant 3 different people being dropped off at 3 different addresses and I was just hoping the drunken woman would not be the last in case she couldnt pay the fare.

After having to listen to a torrent of four letter words and abuse from this woman directed at the other two I was glad to get to my first drop off address where one woman got out of the car followed by the abusive woman who then started shouting at the top of her voice in the street waking up residents. She was soon shoved back in the car and I carried on my journey. I had only got about 100 yards up the road when they started fighting in the back of the car.

It was at this point I stopped the car and told them both to get out. The drunken one fell out and was all over the place. the other one was very apologetic and paid the fare and so I went on my way.

What I cant understand is why people have to have stupid arguments, get aggressive and not be in control of themselves and its usually the women.

Alcohol enhances your mood so if you go out in a good mood you should in theory go home in a good mood. Unfortunatly it works the other way as well so if you go out looking for trouble then the chances are that you will find it.

Its all part of the job description these days and my main concern is for the safety of myself and other passengers as well as other road users if the vehicle is moving so by getting them out the car I think I did the right thing.

Drunk Driver

Last Night I was taking a fare to nearby Ulverston when we came acorss a car weaving all over the road and mounting the pavements. I decided to follow this car whilst I had my passengers on board who didnt seem to mid as I struck a deal with them over the fare, I called the police whilst following the drunk driver who seemed to be lost and kept doubling back on himself until he made a wrong turning at the local cemetery and drive into a wall.

It was at this point that I went bumper to bumper with him to stop him from moving, jumped out and grabbed his car keys. The police turned up literally seconds later. The man in his early 50s could hardly speak and was incapable of taking a brethalyser test.

At this point I realised that I had done my bit for society and got a drunk driver off the road but then got a lecture off the police saying that I should not play the part of a hero and should not put myself in danger. I can see the officers point now but at the time you dont think of this sort of thing and I wasnt on my won. I did have 2 passengers on board a male and female.

Anyway, bottom line is, a drunk driver taken off the road afetr I witnessed him narrowly miss a bus and 2 pedestrians. To me its a job well done and if I see the same again then I would do the same again.

Sorry but I've no time for drink drivers

Driver Safety

As a driver, we do everything we can to make sure that our passengers are conveyed to their destination in comfort and safely. This means showing exceptional alertness to the roads and surroundings as well as to everything that is going on in the car.

Usually, the passengers reciprocate this by thanking you or offering a tip but a bunch of rowdy drunken lads I picked up tonight had other ideas. One lad sat behind me decided that he would reach over and put his hands over my eyes so I couldnt see where I was driving. My immediate reaction was to slam the brakes on and perform and emergency stop.

The guy in the back headbutted the seat and the guy in the front shot forward but was saved by his seatbelt. The other two people in the back were not happy with the person who had put his hands over my eyes and verbally had a go at him.

I leapt out the car, pulled the back door open and yanked this idiot out of the car onto the floor and told him that this is where the journey ends. The others apologised on his behalf and paid the fare. I told him he was lucky that I didnt give him a good hiding for what he did as it was dangerous

To my surprise, the 3 other lads took it into their own hands to sort him out and as I drove off they were kicking and punching him. I left them to it. Wasn't my problem anymore. I got paid so was quite happy.

It goes to show what a split second of an idiotic prank could do to me or the car but in this case it back fired on the prat and he got what he deserved by his mates.

Ah... Justice... and I didnt have to do a thing.

Passenger forgets taxi

Picked a fare up today from a local pub. He was very drunk but happy with it. He wanted me to take him to a local shop so he could buy some more beer. I did this and he asked me to wait whilst he went in the shop.

5 minutes went by and no sign of him. I thought that he cant be far away as he is a regular fare so I gave it a few more minutes and I failed to see him come out of the shop and walk off down the street so I`m still sat there outside the shop waiting. I knew he would be back as he left some things in the car including his jacket and house keys.

Another couple of minutes and nothing so I decided to get the callers number and ring him back. He answered, apologised to me and sai d he was at home and forgot I was there and to call round and get the fare. I did this. He got his belongings out the cab and I got my fare which had clocked up nicely on the meter.

He was very apologetic, said he had been celebrating and was drunk and when I asked him what he was celebrating. he said.... Super Sunday......

Its now November and the last Super Sunday was at the end of August.

Incapable

I got a call to pick up a fare from a flat in Ormsgill only to find when I got there that the woman was so drunk that she could hardly stand up. I dont think there was a risk of her being sick but I did think that I would struggle to get her out the car at the other end and get the fare.

Her mate that was with her was more sober and so I explained to her that I could not take her friend as a matter of health and safety as we do have a policy of reserving the right to refuse to take any passenger who is at risk of causing a hazard to the vehicle whilst being driven. Her mate explained that she had to get her home and so I got to thinking....

Hmmm..... If I take her and I cant get her out at the other end then I will need help. This takes time. I may not get the fare and so the police maybe involved so I said to the more sober one that I would take her if she travelled in the back with her and I would bring her back home.

She said she couldn't afford the fare back so thinking that more time would be wasted getting the police or any other help I decided to take the two women, bring one back and only charge the fare that it would have been to her house.

In a way I lost out by about £1.20 but at the same time it saved the hassle and saved more time if I did have problems at the other end.

I do recall reading somewhere and it may not be Barrow Councils rules. It may have been in a taxi magazine but there is a law somewhere to protect drivers along the lines of

• "The driver reserves the right to refuse to take any passenger who in his or her opinion may cause a danger to the vehicle, the motion of the vehicle or other passengers".

Not sure of the exact wording but its a catch 22. If we refused to take any drunken person then we wouldn't make any money but you have to draw the line somewhere.