Hot Air

Myself I don't see this idea as being viable, the whole concept is riddled with problems. Lack of range being the biggest obstacle followed by weight/power ratios not quite adding up. But who knows, with a few more years of development it may just work. But lets just hope they make a model that isn't quite as ugly.

English Tests

TAXI drivers in Manchester face a test to prove they can chat with passengers in English and do basic sums.
The council is set to introduce the `basic skills assessment' for all new applicants for private hire and hackney - black cab - taxi licences. Candidates will have to prove they can respond appropriately to commonly-used expressions like `Can you drop me after the lights?' and `Can I have a receipt?'
They will also have to speak clearly on topics including recent journeys they have taken and their favourite places in England.
The council has indicated the oral exams will be in the form of a `relaxed conversation' with follow-up questions to prevent learning `parrot-fashion'. Candidates would be given multiple-choice maths questions, such as how much change should be given from a £20 note if the fare cost £9.30.
Those who fail the test will not be allowed to take the standard `knowledge' test, which assesses their ability to use an A-Z as well as their understanding of routes. The move, set to be approved as a 12-month pilot, will be paid for by adding £10 to the fee for applying for a new licence.
Groups representing drivers of black cabs welcomed the scheme, admitting members of the public had expressed concern about the standard of English of some drivers.
George Simms, of the Taxi Owners and Drivers Association, said: "People need to know drivers can be understood and make themselves clear. Probably the majority of taxi drivers now are from communities that do not have English as a first language."
Any candidate who failed would be helped in improving language or number skills. Existing drivers of black cabs and private-hire drivers will not be forced to take the exams. It currently costs £155 to apply for a black cab licence and £207 for a minicab plate.
A council spokesman said: "Taxi drivers are ambassadors for Manchester. The vast majority do an excellent job but we are considering the introduction of a basic skills assessment for new applicants as part of our focus on improving the experience of taxi customers."

Sad Faces

I see that Barrow shipyard boss Murray Easton tells us that Barrow needs to spruce up its image. He tells us “I love the area but Barrow does not have a good reputation in the rest of the country” and that “We need to look at our image and think how do we sell Barrow factually and forcibly to try and counter the image perceived by people in southern England.” Well I can’t argue with that, most of the Southern softies that I pick up are really surprised by how nice the area and its folk really are. But maybe he should take a look a closer look at the morale within the shipyard workforce itself. I pick these folk up every day and not one single one of them has any sort of enthusiasm for their workplace. Miserable faces and likening work to a prison sentence are the norm amongst the workforce, particularly those who work within the DDH. Why is this? Is it management style; is it work conditions, is it the industry itself, just what is the problem? Maybe if he had a happy workforce who went to work in the morning with the right attitude and with a smile on their faces, outsiders just may get a better impression of Barrow itself. Maybe they should have Japanese style morning exercises followed by chants of “yeah let’s go build a submarine” Eh!

Hire Brigade

Driving onto the Walney Road shopping estate which serves Barrows Asda supermarket amongst others, I was not too surprised to see a fire engine parked there. What after two major fires in the last year or so, the first of which destroyed both MFI and Allied Carpets, and the second badly damaging the large Matalan store, the place seems to be jinxed. Getting closer I was shocked to see that according to the sign writing on the fire engine the fire brigade now offered itself for hire at children's parties, stag and hen nights, weddings and special occasions. Well I know that finances are a bit low but isn't that going a bit far? But getting closer still I saw that the sign actually said "Hire Brigade" and not fire brigade as I had first thought; clever eh! It seems that this “Hire Engine” is the latest in the novelty hire trade which has sprung up round here. So if you have the cash and you don’t think that a bright pink stretch limo isn’t eye catching enough for you, this could be the answer, either that or there is an armoured troop carrier that is also available for hire locally. But like the real fire brigade the hire brigade will have to be brave men. A herd of screaming kids going to a party are bad enough but hen parties whoa no thanks. I can see the novelty of drunken women shouting “show us your hose” for the thousandth time and chubby bridesmaids asking for a fireman’s lift, wearing thin very quickly eh!

Clamped

The guys who wheel clamp untaxed vehicles on behalf of the DVLA were out in force round Barrow this week, the town was littered with cars immobilized by the big yellow steel triangles. Mind you the guys were grinning like Cheshire cats as they attached the clamp onto the expensive wheel of a shiny Porsche Boxter. Maybe it’s envy but somehow something about a fancy expensive motor being held hostage for non payment of road tax makes most folk smirk and snigger. That’s what I found as I watched other motorists drive past in their lesser cars staring, pointing and grinning at the posh cars predicament.

Seeing the Light

Well it seems that our Government has had bend to the will of the European Union again, with the result that all new cars are to be fitted with automatic daytime headlights within four years. The Government previously opposed the idea on the grounds that using lights in the daytime would increase fuel consumption and emissions, but conceded it was unable to oppose European legislation. Trying to soften the blow of having to kowtow to Europe, Jim Fitzpatrick, the road safety minister, tells us: “The UK has been successful in arguing against the introduction of mandatory use of dipped headlamps during daylight hours by drivers of existing vehicles. Nobody but a politician can call a defeat a success eh? “However, from early 2011 all new types of passenger cars and light vans will have to be fitted with dedicated daytime running lamps in accordance with the relevant European directive. By summer 2012, all new vehicles will have to be so fitted.” The move will anger motoring groups, which claim fuel consumption and carbon dioxide emissions increase by three per cent when drivers use dipped lights. But the European Commission says that the lights increase fuel consumption by only 0.3 per cent because they use separate bulbs that are less bright than headlights. The commission wants all European Union states to set a common date to make daytime running lights mandatory. About half of EU member states already require this already.

Gothic Revival

Saturday and it seemed like the first day of an early spring. And as usual when we get an unexpected bit of sunshine, folk were out and about in their droves. But after driving past the windy cavern in front of Barrow town hall, which is laughingly called our town square I couldn’t help but feel that something was missing. After several more trips past the bustling square which is overlooked by the Gothic splendour of the offices of our lords and masters, it slowly dawned on me. There seemed to be a distinct lack of black clothing and an unusual surplus of smiles and skateboards amongst the young uns that hang out around there most Saturdays. That was it; I couldn’t see any sign of the usual Gaggle of Goths. Not too long ago the town square looked like a crowd outside the crypt for a solemn Victorian funeral. What’s happened? It’s a grave situation. Has the Goth scene passed on, have all the young Goths metamorphosed into skater dudes? Or are they just too depressed to show their impossibly white faces. Have they gone for good or is this just a blip on the local fashion scene and they are trying to organize a Gothic revival.

The Busker

Heres a treat for you, take a look round the beautiful old city of Chester and listen to the electric violin played by Ed Alleyne-Johnson, who busk's the streets there most Saturday mornings.

Taxi Tales?

A channel 4 short documentary made by cazalineuk about a Liverpool cab driver. Strangely enough it's called Taxi Tales, what a good title eh!

BarrowCabs

BarrowCabs is a new site for Barrow taxi drivers run by a Barrow taxi driver. This site is independent of any taxi firm or office and is solely for the benefit of local taxi drivers, whether they be hackney or private hire. As well as a forum to discuss local issues it includes links to weather forecasts, roadwork’s, proposed and ongoing, Barrow council licensing conditions and links to loads of other useful stuff. Let's hope that this site is taken up and used by the local taxi community.

Pancake Day

Have we all forgotten about pancake Tuesday or Shrove Tuesday as it is sometimes known? This year it has fallen very early because of the early Easter, but even so this is the first year that none of my fares seemed to know about it. None of the shoppers I picked up from the local supermarkets had bought pancake mix or the traditional lemon juice to squeeze over them.

Now I learn that health and safety rules are beginning to put an end to the traditional sport of pancake racing.
A Cathedral pancake race that is part of a 600-year-old tradition has been stopped because of health and safety rules. The bell at Ripon Cathedral, which has rung at 11am to mark Shrove Tuesday since the 15^th century, has signalled the start of the city’s pancake race for many years.
However, the event, in which children, traders, soldiers and even clergy compete, has been abandoned because of the amount of work needed to carry out risk assessments.

In past years, the event, part of a long tradition of pancake races in Ripon, was likened to a village sports day, a last chance to have fun before the solemn season of Lent.

The race has been growing in popularity and even involved members of 38 Regt Royal Engineers, based in Ripon, who cook pancakes from a field kitchen outside the west front of the cathedral.

“We had hoped to make the pancake race as much of a tradition as the pancake bell and it’s a travesty that it has been killed off."

It’s sad isn’t it, and now surveys tell us that two thirds of people in the country no longer mark the Christian tradition of making pancakes.

Pancakes have featured in cookbooks since 1439. The custom of flipping or tossing them is believed to have started in the 17^th century. They are made from rich ingredients that include eggs and milk, which were used up in households before the 40 days of Lent during which only plain food should be eaten. I don’t know, folk will be telling me that they don’t even know that it’s Ash Wednesday on the day after Shrove Tuesday next eh!

Milk Run

Some taxi drivers say that they have had cows in the back of the cab, but I don't think they can beat this one eh!

Law or Religion?

For reasons which will become obvious I have had to be very careful how I worded this. No insult or slur is intended to any one race or religion. But this is a true story of an awkward predicament I was placed in. The fare was from the Furness General Hospitals staff quarters and was made up of two young ladies and a boy of seven or eight year’s age and a toddler of two or three. Because neither of the children was old or tall enough to legally ride in the front seat I naturally expected one of the lady’s to ride up front. This happened as expected, and we were just about to set off when a chap rushed over and tapped on the passenger window. The lady rolled down the window and a few stern words were exchanged in a language I couldn’t understand. The lady then got out of the taxi and exchanged seats with the young lad. I turned round to explain that he couldn’t sit up front but was met with blank faces. The young lad then tugged my sleeve and explained that he was the only one who spoke English. He pleaded for me to let him stay up front and explained what was going on. It seems that the man had reminded the lady that for religious reasons she could not sit up front with a male who was not related. The young lad was obviously embarrassed and like myself was in an awkward situation. Now then what do I do? Do I insult their obviously deeply held religious beliefs? Or do I risk breaking the UK traffic laws? What would you do? As I weighed the situation up I could see that the young lad was looking very worried and on the verge of tears. That clinched it” fasten your seatbelt “I said, after all don’t they say that laws are there to be broken eh! You know I found myself almost wishing that we would be stopped by the police. In these days of political correctness, and having to be in tune with religious sensibilities, just which way would it have gone I wonder?

Naughty Boys Club

It was obvious that my fare that I had picked up nice and early on this cold and dismal Sunday morning wasn’t that keen on having to venture out. He looked like he had been on the ale the previous night, and was suffering from a huge hangover. When I asked him where he was going he was definitely a bit shady about telling me. “Err in town somewhere by Cornwallis St and Hindpool Rd” he muttered. “You mean the naughty boys club then” I replied. Taken aback at being rumbled he looked at me in confusion, after a minute of thought he relaxed, nodded and smiled. The “naughty boys club” for those of you that don’t know is what the nickname is for the unpaid work or community service which offenders agree to do as part of their probation. This can consist of cleaning off graffiti, painting, gardening or environmental projects. None of these people are big time career criminals, it’s mainly drink related assaults and relatively minor offences. Naughty boys who work during the week have to fit the unpaid work in during their weekends. We get lots of naughty boys and even some naughty girls getting a taxi to the club, who ask to be dropped round the corner from the probation office, but since it’s the only place open round there on a Sunday morning we all know where they are going. Most folk won’t know it but the National Probation Service is interested in hearing from you with suggestions of what they could be doing to clean up your area. Sounds good to me, clean up your area and keep the naughty boys and girls nice and busy.

Hot Head

Mmm remind me not to ever decide to drive a taxi down in Wales, ever!

Down in the land of nervous sheep it seems that three people have been arrested in connection with an attack on a taxi driver who was actually set on fire.

Douglas Hall suffered mild burns to his head and face after being set alight by two men who were trying to steal his takings.

It happened after he went to collect a fare in Milford Haven on Friday night.

It is thought a liquid or gas was squirted into his face and set on fire.

Police in the town said Mr Hall had received a call requesting taxi to collect a fare from Cellar Hill off Pill Road on the outskirts of the town.

Mr Hall said when he arrived at the location he was approached by a man who demanded his money.

He was squirted over the head and face with some sort of accelerant which he was able to put out with his hands

“It is a location that is quite secluded and there were two males in the lane with hoodies.

“One approached the victim and asked him to hand over his money.”

Mr Hall refused and got out of the car pushing the man backwards.

It was then Mr Hall noticed another man standing on the other side of the road wearing a grey hooded top.

“He was then squirted over the head and face with some sort of accelerant which he was able to put out with his hands,” explained the police officer.

“He was very lucky. He has been injured but no where near as horrifically as it could have been.

It is believed the incident which happened, not late at night as you would think, but at 9: pm, had been premeditated.

“It was clearly thought about but thankfully incidents of this kind are few and far between,” said Ch Insp Richards.

Let’s hope it stays that way as well eh!

Speed Gun

Well going by the latest design for a speed camera pictured above it looks as if they are thinking of getting tough with offenders eh!

Hi-Miles

A Greek taxi driver is donating his record-breaking Mercedes car to the company’s museum in Germany. Gregorios Sachinides’ Mercedes 240D has clocked up a record-breaking 2.8m since he bought it in 1981. The mileage is the equivalent of six trips to the moon and back, or 82 times around the earth. Sachinides said he clocked up the miles driving around the streets of Thessaloniki, Greece’s second largest city. He said he also made hundreds of journeys to Belgrade to transport medical supplies during the Balkans war. He added he was so pleased with his car he wrote to company boss Juergen Hubbert to thank him personally for the outstanding service. Mercedes say they believe the mileage is the most ever put on one of their cars. Well he can’t say that he didn’t get value for his money then eh!

Trunk Monkey

I want a taxi with a trunk monkey please!

Art Event

In this cool video clip, an art event group brings 207 apparently normal people into Grand Central Station, whereupon they all freeze, at exactly the same instant, for five minutes, standing stock still, as though they were caught in some kind of time-loop. Around them, the Grand Central crowd looks on in wonderment, trying to figure out what's going on -- a little scared, but delighted too. When the frozen hundreds all begin to move again at the same instant, the crowd gives them a standing ovation.

Never a Truer Word

This one sent to me by Bill, all very true eh!

Isn’t it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70’s and 80’s - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

George Carlin

Cheap Taxi

I am seriously thinking about one of these beauty's, I can count eight or nine passengers on board and room for more. What a money spinner eh! and cheap to run as well. Mind you I think I will wait until the summer before putting it on the road. Do you think the local licensing authority will pass it as a taxi? Cheers to Bob for the pic.

Progress

We have been treated to a sneak preview this week of what the future holds for us here in Barrow after the much dreaded new Walney Road traffic scheme is complete. Temporary traffic lights were set up not too far from the actual site of the new permanent sets of lights which will shortly be installed at the junctions of Ironworks Road. The result of course was predictably chaos with long delays and traffic dangerously cutting through the Asda supermarket car park to avoid the huge tail back. Add this together with the multitude of traffic light controlled pedestrian crossings being installed and it should be really interesting when finished. Ahh well such is progress eh!

Ex Boy Racer

My young fare got in the cab looking a bit glum and carrying a very expensive looking stereo. "Have you taken the stereo out of your car for safe-keeping?" I asked. He shook his head sadly and replied “no this is all that I've got left of my car” He went on to tell me the story of his “pride and joy, babe magnet" losing it's attraction to the road and ending up crashing into a wall. He was unhurt apart from loss of dignity, and I was impressed that he was man enough to admit that it was his own fault for speeding. He had only had the car for a matter of weeks, and like a jilted lover selling the engagement ring he was going to sell the stereo to another "joy boy" to rid himself of the reminder of his lost love. Just like a cowboy with no horse or a Shepard with no sheep theirs something kinda sad about a boy racer with no wheels.

Competition for the Mail

Locals in the Furness area may like to take a look at a spoof send up of our very own local paper. Whilst our our esteemed local news sheet has the grand sounding title the “North West Evening Mail” locals know it simply as the “Evening Mail.” The impostor bills itself online as the “Barrow Evening Mail” But with stories such as this by Fridge “Barrow Town Hall to Move”

"Yes, it is true(ish) that Barrow Town Hall is relocating. In a bid to save money, our glorious leaders have voted to sell the present Town Hall and buy a row of houses. The vote was taken in controversy as the proposee put the opposition on the back foot by bringing in his miniature poodle that had just had its coat trimmed into the style of a young Hayley Mills. While the poodle was overly ‘aahhhh’ed at and vigorously patted, the Chairman called the show of hands. The opposition did put in a formal complaint, but the Chairman dismissed it on the fact that they all acted like ‘a pack of Southern softies’.

"The decision on where to buy the houses has not yet been taken, however they are proposing to sell the Town Hall to a developer. We phoned around to a few known interested parties and asked their plans if they were the successful bidder. We had a range of replies from turning it into a large Haunted House attraction to knocking it down and building a 400ft Elvis sitting on the toilet."

"The Chairman stated, 'What ever happens with the Town Hall, we have the right to veto any building so you can be sure it will be tasteful, modern and probably pink.' He went onto say ‘we like pink, it compliments our eyes.'"

Mmm I'm sure the new editor will be very impressed and seek out these young pretenders and either sue them or employ them eh!

Sorted

One, that those of us who live in colder climes should keep in mind maybe eh!

Car of Tomorrow

Even though this was made a long while back now it still seems so fresh.

Job Vacancy

I see that licensing chiefs at South Lakeland District Council have granted a Hackney Carriage licence for the operation of two pedal rickshaw taxis - which are more commonly found on the streets of bustling Asian cities like Beijing, Delhi or Hanoi. This is exactly where they belong and where they should stay. Why do we need a third world transport mode cluttering up our already overcrowded Lakeland roads? The rickshaws, which cost around £3,000 each, will be operated by Mr & Mrs Davies, of Field Broughton, who it seems, came up with the idea as something to do to punish their poor son in summer. But as they intend buying two rickshaws it seems that there may be a vacancy for another rider, anyone fancy it?

The rickshaws, also known as pedicabs, which are in the form of a two-person seated carriage being pulled by a bicycle, will be running on a predetermined, very hilly route linking Waterhead with Ambleside.

The licensing cabinet spent an hour-and-a-half discussing safety issues relating to the rickshaws, before granting a licence on condition that mirrors are attached, that only two passengers can be taken at any time, that two seatbelts are fitted and that helmets are available for passengers to wear.

Holker Hump

Well it seems that what I have been saying for years has finally been proved by a scientific survey commissioned by the A.A. Road humps double the carbon dioxide emissions and fuel consumption by forcing drivers to brake and accelerate repeatedly. A car that achieves 58.15 miles per gallon travelling at a steady 30mph will deliver only 30.85mpg when going over humps.

The results, calculated by averaging the performances of the two cars, also showed that reducing the speed limit from 30mph to 20mph resulted in 10 per cent higher emissions. This is because car engines are designed to be most efficient at speeds above 30mph.

A motorist who observed the speed limit on one mile of 20mph road during a daily journey would produce an extra tonne of CO2 in a year compared with driving at 30mph on the same stretch. In an unusual move for a motoring organisation, the AA called for the introduction of cameras that detect average speeds to replace humps. The AA’s president, said: “Humps are a crude, uncomfortable and noisy way of slowing people down and this research has shown they are also environmentally damaging. We accept that traffic speed needs to be controlled in residential areas where there is a problem with accidents and children are playing. We think motorists are more likely to accept average speed cameras than humps.”

Previous research by the Transport Research Laboratory found that air pollution rose significantly on roads with humps. Carbon monoxide emissions increased by 82 per cent and nitrogen oxide by 37 per cent. So there you have it, the proof that speed humps apart from destroying our cars and injuring our backs, are also destroying the environment. But locally this common sense is ignored and we have plans for even more of these destructive humps on Holker Street. Speed humps are designed and intended to slow traffic in residential and school crossing areas. But this road is actually one of our main thoroughfares and ends in what they say is one of the busiest junctions in Cumbria. A junction where they have just spent £3/4 million widening and improving, doesn’t make a lot of sense doe’s it?

Clanger

I sure would not like to be in the shoes of the taxi driver in Plymouth who arrived at the crematorium with a fare, who missed the funeral by five minutes. The worst bit was that it was her husband’s funeral. Just what can you say after that colossal gaffe, an apology just wouldn’t be enough? The taxi firm has apologised and launched an investigation after her taxi turned up late. Poor Mrs Mace, 84, was collected from the nursing home where she had lived with her late husband William, also 84, five minutes after the funeral had started. When she got to Weston Mill Crematorium on Monday, the service was over. It could not be delayed as another funeral was booked immediately afterwards. The couple’s son David Mace said his mother had been left “heartbroken”. “She arrived just in time to see the coffin going through the curtains at the crematorium,” he said. The Warwick Park Nursing Home had pre-booked the taxi a week before the funeral service. It was supposed to arrive at 0830 GMT on Monday, half-an-hour ahead of the service, but arrived 35 minutes late. Absolutely no excuse for that one, be it driver or operator error, what a clanger!

Lead On

I love this story about the Goth couple, the chap apparently walks the lady goth everywhere on a dog leash. They complain that a West Yorkshire bus driver refuses to allow them on his bus, telling them " We don't let freaks and dogs like you on." I would have no such problem with them using my taxi, as a matter of fact I would welcome them, I love the characters of life. It doesn't surprise me that they are northerners though, we seem to have the monopoly on larger than life characters up here in the wild and wonderful north.

Turntable

I wonder what happened to this idea then? Seems like a good one to me, they would be great on narrow household drives on busy main roads instead of backing out into busy traffic.

Fresh Air Cab

This must have been ideal for old time New York cabbies to get an eyeful of the young ladies legs eh! Come to think of it I wouldn't mind one of these myself, great for a spot of sightseeing.

OneWay/No way

As work crawls ahead at less than a snails pace, Barrow’s £2.4 m road scheme must surely be getting somewhere near to completion. Work started in a flurry of activity way back in August with the hopelessly optimistic target of being completed by Christmas 2007. Here we are in late January 08 and things seem to have shuddered to a series of sporadic fits and starts. Which knowing from past experience with the main contractor, was exactly what we all knew and fully expected anyway, no surprises there eh! But over the last few months I have been asking all my fares who travel with me past the roadwork’s “what do you think of the new one way system.” I must have spoken to at least five hundred folk of all ages and both sexes, both drivers and non drivers. The result was an overwhelming thumbs down for the one way system, not one single person was in favour of it and most were very vocal in their condemnation of the much disliked scheme. Most said “why do we need it” or questioned the sanity of the “road planners from Carlisle who have probably never been here.” Perhaps we will all be proved wrong when the one way system is finally finished, but somehow I very much doubt it.

Night Nurse

My lady fare was off to work to start her long night shift. “Will you have a busy night” I asked, “well depends how many patients we have admitted today, she said. Then she added “I don’t think we have any in intensive care, so it won’t be too bad.” As we got closer to the Barrow town centre street she had asked to be dropped off at, I began to wonder why she was going into town and not to the hospital. “Are you not starting until later?” I asked being the curious type that I am. “No I’m starting now” she said. It wasn’t until we stopped outside a local veterinary clinic that the penny finally dropped. But when you think about it I guess that animal patients need twenty four care whilst in hospital, just like us eh!

Fair Cop

Spotted this wanted advert on our local Freecycle site "Hi im wanting policeman and woman's truncheons, handcuffs, hats/helmets for theme night anything would be grateful thanks!"
Mmm a likely story that, if I've ever heard one eh!

Disconnected

My fare got in the car all hot and flustered and seemed to be in a hurry. After a short drive we reached her destination and she held up her handset and said “I won’t be long here, and then I will be phoning back for another cab.” I shook my head and said “no I don’t think that you will.” Looking puzzled and gesturing with the handset again she said “I can promise you I will ring your office, I always use this taxi firm every time.” Again I told her that she “definitely won’t be ringing our office for a taxi.” Now she was getting a bit wound up and was wafting her handset about and getting closer too clouting me on the head with it “why the heck not she said.” “Because that’s your TV remote control and not your phone that you’ve picked up” I said sweetly.

Paid for the Spray

A Halifax taxi driver has lost his licence after being caught with CS spray in his cab.

Javid Ali of Thomas Street, Halifax, admitted possessing a prohibited weapon.

He was given a six-month prison sentence suspended for 18 months and was given a community order for 18 months and 100 hours unpaid work.

Police stopped Ali driving his taxi after 2am in Hanson Lane, Halifax.

For some reason police searched his cab and a small CS gas canister was found under the driver’s seat. Ali was arrested and initially denied the spray was his.

He claimed it was pepper spray but later accepted it was CS spray and that he had it for self defence reasons. In his defence Mr Ali pointed out that he had been the victim of a brutal attack and robbery whilst working as a cabbie in 2006. Who can blame him for defending himself you might say, but then it emerges that he has previous convictions for possessing offensive weapons and in 2004 was convicted of having a similar spray. You would have thought that he would have learnt his lesson after that wouldn’t you? Why carry something so blatantly illegal when all he needed was good heavy torch.

Recorder Mark Cran told Ali: “The court understands that as a taxi driver you do feel concerned for your safety.”

He said the assault Ali suffered was “extremely unpleasant” but added: “Possession of a gas canister is completely out of proportion to defending yourself.”

Soggy Sun

I thought it strange when the auld lass getting in the cab placed a newspaper on the front seat before sitting down. As we drove away she merrily informed me "I've got that bug that’s going around and I've made a mess in me pants." By then it was too late to do anything about it, and I drove her home quickly whilst trying hard not to breathe. When we got there she climbed out and I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that the seat was unmarked. She leaned in and paid the fare and then held the suspiciously soggy newspaper out and said "you can have this paper to read if you want it." After I had recovered from my choking fit I replied "no thanks I never read the Sun"

Taxi Salesmen

It seems that taxi drivers are being recruited by ad companies to promote their clients' products to passengers.
Cabbies, who we all know are famous for their gift of the gab, are seen as the ideal people to spread 'word of mouth' marketing to thousands of potential customers.
In one example, a company which pays to advertise on the outside of a cab can also brief the driver so he can be an 'ambassador' for their brand, talking enthusiastically about their products.
Drivers have also been given free holidays in the hope they will rave about the destinations.
Driver Adrian Torlini, 41, was signed up as an ambassador for Taxi Promotions UK.
He was given a five-day trip to Bangkok paid for by the tourism authority of Thailand.
But Mr Torlini said: "I suppose that's payment of a sort, but I have never seen it as a job. No one said I had to talk about it.
"They just know that if you send someone somewhere and they like it they will talk about it, and if they are a cab driver they will talk to lots of people about it."
He believes he has helped many of his fares see Thailand in a new light, just as he has persuaded others of the charms of Melbourne, where he and his wife spent 10 days on another free holiday.
Asher Moses, managing director of Taxi Promotions UK, believes all kinds of products could eventually be promoted by his drivers, from airlines to online poker website. Wow where do I sign?

Ego Trip

Faded TV comedian and impressionist Bobby Davro, who has now taken on the new role of soap actor in East Enders had a blow to his ego the other day it seems. In the back of a cab going to Heathrow airport he perked up when the driver kept looking in the rear view mirror and saying "give us a clue mate, go on give us a clue." "Late eighties,music, comedy, impressions" he replied with a beaming grin. The driver shook his head and said patiently "Give us a clue, mate -Terminal one or two?"