The Interview

Today it felt like I had blundered into the set for a thirties murder mystery play. I was given a number to ring in regard to a job going to Yorkshire on Monday, when the guy answered he said I want you to come down and meet me I must access your character to see if you are trustworthy, this is a very important task I am setting you. And so a little while later I arrived at his large detached house and rang the bell. A chap of about sixty opened the door and said so you’re the driver then I replied yes and he just stood and looked at me for a full minute then he said right follow me. I was led into a house through rooms tastefully decorated with paintings and antique furniture and into a study sit down he said pointing to a chair in front of an ornate desk. The next few minutes were spent with him asking me questions and him writing down the answers, just simple stuff like address age etc, he then produced two printed sheets of paper with precise instructions and times including the code for an electric gate and where I was to park on arrival.” Right sign both copies please “he then went on to tell me that the task was to take a small antique table to the address in Yorkshire and then return with a passenger to an address printed on the instructions. But he said “, and this is very important you must hand this sealed letter to the passenger and tell her she must read it on the journey” And so I was given the table and the payment on the way out, don’t know what to make of it really but I shall see what Monday brings.

Dirty Curtains

It's a bit of a standing joke with some of my regulars when I get on their street I will say something like” which house is it again is it the one with the dirty curtains” or” is it the one on the rough end of the street”. But sometimes I do slip up and say things like that to people who I don’t know, like today I said “oh you mean the one with the scruffy garden “ the lady didn’t look amused. There was a local driver who is retired now but who was well known for making remarks when he picked up or dropped of passengers, he would say such things as” that door could do with a coat of paint” or that crass needs cutting and your hedge trimming” and “you can buy a brush and shovel cheap enough you know”

The meter

Some people get a bit mixed up with what the meter measures on their journey, I have been asked to slow down so the meter will go slower and on the other extreme been asked to drive faster so the journey ends sooner. A lot don't realize that it's done on distance and a mile is a mile no matter how quickly or slowly it's covered.

Santas helper

You never know what's coming next on this job or where it will take you. Today I was due to finish at 5pm but at 4: 45pm I got a job from the town centre and when I got to the pickup point I was handed a large parcel and an address in Fleetwood, Turns out I was to be one of Santa’s little helpers the parcel was a child's present which had to get to Fleetwood in time for Christmas the following day. This involved a round trip of 146 miles and so I never arrived home until 8:30 that night, still it worked out OK in the end the parents of the kid were happy.

Black Eye Friday

We tend to call the Friday before Christmas black eye Friday round here. It's the day most people finish work for the Christmas holidays, they tend to finish work early about lunch time and they then head straight down to the pub for a long boozy session. I find it amusing when it gets to about four p.m I pick some of them up to go home and they are telling me what a good night they have had, they are convinced that because it's dark that it must be late at night. Once a year drunks I call them the worst kind because they aren't used to it, they take ages to get out of the car because you are their new best friend and they want to tell you their life story many times very slowly.
Still merry Christmas to all cheers.

Wikipedia

Some brilliant stuff on Wikipedia
it's a good research tool here's an aerial photo I stole. As with all photos on this blog you can click on them to enlarge to the original size.

Garret

I was talking to an old lady of about seventy today when she used a expression I had never heard before, and never by a respectable old lady. She said” I have just had visitors and I was a bit embarrassed my house is as messy as a whore’s garret” Good one I think

Paranoid

Picked a guy up a while back now who upon being asked are you ok when he got in the cab looked around furtively and replied “can't say too much they are listening you know, it’s the cameras they are everywhere he then put his fingers to his mouth and whispered “shhh” and began searching the car for hidden cameras. He didn't find any but he never said another word for the rest of the journey. But Bill another cabbie does have a cctv camera in his cab and he did get some photos of the guy on a later day I suppose it was a bit cruel of us to print a few off and post them outside his house, I still feel a bit guilty.

Sex

How many people can say that a perfect stranger has got into their car and within five minutes ends up talking about sex? This happened to me yesterday she was a perfectly respectable middle aged lady who some how got on to the subject of how young people are too open about sex and that people of her generation just don’t talk about it, she then went on to mention prostitutes, transsexuals, gays and extra marital affairs, all within a ten minute journey. Don’t suppose she would do the same with a bus driver or a shopkeeper strange eh!

Lament

The local budget filmmakers have just released a new film called Lament have a look if you have broadband.

Problems

A lady from the Philippines was unburdening herself to me today about her boyfriend problems, at least I think that what she was trying to say but unfortunately I could not understand ninety per cent of what she was saying. Still I did understand that by the time I dropped her off she felt a lot better after the conversation, I think!

Mistletoe

Wonder why this woman (pictured) is up a ladder on Abbey Rd tying mistletoe to a tree? Seems a strange thing to do not a local custom I’ve ever heard of.
Went on a twelve mile tour today looking for my fares car he couldn’t remember were he left it last night, make me wonder what sort of state he was in, still it cost him twelve pounds in the end.

All over

I can tell it's getting near to Christmas now, all the old ladies say when they get in the cab "I'll be glad when it's all over with".They say the same every year don't know why, after all their is no law to say they have to celebrate Christmas.

Talking benches

During the summer months I picked up two South African guys from a local hotel. On the way to their destination one of them asked to be shown the famous talking benches of Barrow. He had read about them in some obscure magazine in Malaysia. One is pictured above their are about ten or twelve scattered about the town centre, they are solar powered and the idea is that you plug your walkman headphones in and it tells you a story or reads you a poem. I have never had a listen myself but people who have tell me they are ok but the stories and poems they tell are not locally based, which would have been a far better idea.

Red Lady

Picked a couple up they had obviously been out all night,but they were both going to Walney Island the guy to the north and the lady a couple miles away to the south. When we stopped to let the guy out he leaned back into the car and said to the lady in a really loud voice "thanks luv best sex I have ever had"(He did use an old anglo saxon term really but I won't go there). He then shut the door and walked off she of course had to sit there for the rest of the journey she went very red and swore very quietly for the rest of the journey.

Smokers

Smokers must think that we hide round the corner until the moment they light up, this seems to happen time and time again with me,but they don't get in my car till they put the cigarette out. But it does amuse me how they try to get a few last puffs they will walk right round the other side of the car slowly and stop to adjust their shoes or clothes anything to stall for a few more puffs.

Sheep and ladders.

Talking to a fare today who had just got back from the Falkland Islands, he works out there for six months at a time. Their are about a hundred sheep to every man he was telling me, so I asked him if he knew all his by their first names.
Lots of daft people up ladders round here putting up Christmas lights, looking at some of the dodgy ladders I can see the local casualty department doing a good trade.

A poem and links

Here’s a poem by Island Monkey called” Here’s to the Taxi Drivers” good eh! Found a new one to me “Man of lettuce” which is a blog by an Aussie cabbie some good stuff on this one. And here’s one from Singapore from the other side of the fence about taxi drivers from a passengers viewpoint “The Taxi Man Says”.

Snow on the hills

Snow on the hills up in the Lakeland hills.

Elve

Young lady this morning was telling me about the job she starts for a month next week, she works as a holiday rep during the summer and the company has given her a job in Lapland as one of Santa’s elves for the Christmas season.
Cool eh! wonder if she had to go on a short course.

Fergal what?

How about this from Fergal Keane the BBC New York correspondent," I have frequently heard colleagues complain about the tedium of listening to various taxi drivers as they travel to and from the different airports of the world." Exposure to some of the world's great bores in confined spaces is an occupational hazard." If you read his article it seems that all we have to do is be shot and paralyzed and this will make us all a lot more interesting. I think I will just avoid BBC journalists with silly names instead.

Clubs

The new licensing rules for pubs and clubs came into force for this weekend this found some clubs opening until five or in the case of the local floating nightclub six am. My first casualty of the Sunday morning 8am was the young lady minus shoes or jacket cut bruised and very drunk, who said she had been thrown out at 6:30 am and had been wondering the streets since. Next was the girl who having been partying again tills 6am I took to start work at 9am doubt if she stayed there long. And finally at 5 pm there was the lady whose partner had been out till 6am this led to a big fight and her packing her bags and going home to mum.

Mix

Interesting mix of people today, of note have been the Italian guy who is over here fixing machinery at our local soap powder factory, he's over here for a month and he must find it lonely living in a hotel particularly with the language problem. Maybe I should introduce him to the lovely Karen the beautiful beauty therapist who I also took to work this morning. I did read about a taxi driver who ran a dating agency from his cab a while back so I shall have to think about that maybe. Still feeling a bit guilty about the confused old lady though she wanted to go to a supermarket called Tesco but because it takes twenty to thirty minutes to get on and off their car park I just took her to another supermarket, Morrison’s half a mile away. She didn't seem to notice and I told the office where she would be when she needed picking up, but please don’t send me!

Roundabouts

Why can't our roundabouts be pieces of art like some of the French pieces pictured here?

Becky

I never watch soap operas on TV I used to think of this job as kind of watching a soap opera once. You see a small part of somebody’s life and then you have to wait till you see them again for the next instalment. But with some people I found you are not just watching them you are sharing some small part of their life’s. People like Becky who I have picked up now and again over the last three or four years. Shared a little bit of her good times when she was happy in a relationship and then shared a bit of the bad times when this broke up leaving her pregnant. Took her to the hospital a few times right through her pregnancy and shared the worries and problems. I shared a bit of her pleasure in the birth of her daughter and her new found happiness in her new relationship. And now I share some of the grief at the loss of her child due to a cot death at only twenty three months.

Social signals

Four giggling schoolgirls this morning one of them points to a boy walking past, she said look at his backpack what a swot. I looked at him and could see nothing to mark him out as a swot/geek and so I asked what they meant. They told me that only swots or geeks wear their backpacks high on their back, it'’s cool to wear it as low as possible. Anyone know anymore obscure social signals.?

Threats

There must be a generation of children growing up now who must be terrified of taxi drivers. There are lots of mothers who use the threats of the driver will shout at you, the driver will throw you out, the driver will hit you, don’t suppose we will get many fares of these children when they grow up.

Tips

Talking to another driver today about tips and we come to the same conclusion. The more they moan about things the more they tip you, perhaps they feel guilty about bending your ear. And we have both had people who have really moaned about the fare and that it is far too expensive and then they give you a good tip! There’s nowt as strange as folk.

Bird flu

The first cases of bird flu have been reported in Barrow today. This was at the local football ground where it is reported lots of Barrow A.F.C fans were sick as parrots!

Favorite passengers

These are my favourite passengers we get them now and again bit quiet though.

Dutchmen

Four Dutchmen were laughing today when I took them to our local airport. They had flown in by private Jet that’s the picture on the left from Manchester, They were saying were is the duty free shop the bar or the customs desk but as we pulled into the airport they couldn’t believe it when we had to give way at a small set of traffic lights while a plane landed on the shared road and runway in front of them and we then followed the plane to the control tower.

Court

Been in court most of today, as a witness I hasten to add. Back in July I went to pick up at a house and there was a lot of commotion from inside and a child was outside crying. His estranged father had assaulted his mother. A month or two previous she had been badly injured and hospitalized by him. She told me that the guy had been arrested for assaulting her seventeen times but never prosecuted the police don't like to get involved in so called domestics. I gave a statement to the police and because he pleaded not guilty was summoned as a witness; I don’t know as yet what the verdict was.

Pee shy

Pee shy, found on the web bet it's enough to make any man go shy.

New York cab redesigned

Shock...

She was a pretty young thing deep in conversation on her mobile when I picked her up. She stopped just long enough to tell me where she was going and then the conversation with her boyfriend I guessed, started to get a bit saucy. She was describing in great detail exactly what she was going to do to him when she got to his house; she seemed to be oblivious of me overhearing her. We pulled up at her destination and she asked the lucky guy to come out and pay her cab fare, I got the shock of my life when it was a girl who came out to pay. Still as I always say to gay ladies we have a lot in common and when they ask what I reply well we both like girls!.

Neverbe

A guy gets in the car today and says "Lakeland Drive Ratings Village please" I looked at him and said ohh! You mean the old Listers factory site don't you. He didn't like me calling his brand new fancy housing estate that but that’s what most people who remember the old factory it was built on call it. There is this thing they do off giving posh names to these places and adding tens of thousands to the price. There is one new estate with a street called Neverby Drive on; of course when we refer to it we call it Neverby paid for.

local newspaper

Our local newspaper finally printed a piece on a major road closure, which has been causing long delays and big detours for hundreds of motorists. This has been taking place within a mile of the local newspaper offices yet it has taken them five days to report on it. Make me wonder if there is such a thing as a truly local newspaper any longer.

Exotic Pet

A guy who was one of my fares today was telling me that his job is to deliver exotic pets like snakes and lizards to pet shops and private buyers all over the U.K.
 Last week he told me he delivered some rock lizards to a house in a rough area of Glasgow, the buyer asked him to come upstairs and he then showed him a thirty foot long Anoconda. 
Will you swap it for the rock lizards he was asked? 
He thought about it for a short while and then remembered that this huge snake because it needed the warmth would have to travel in the front of his van with him, he declined the offer. 
Yes I think I maybe would have as well.

The Sailor

The fare who I later found out was a sailor on his way back to join his ship in Plymouth must have been taking his last fond farewells from his lady friend. She was still naked hiding her modesty behind the door she waved him off, only problem being she had forgotten that the door was glass.
 He come out to the car got in we both looked back at her and then at each other we smiled and he said "daft cow."

Murder

As soon as I saw the guy come out of the White House hotel I recognised him, it had been a long while but I remembered him. Bit creepy with body language you can’t interpret and laughs at inappropriate times. He got in the cab and we set of for Askam which is about six miles away, Not seen you for a long while I said, must be twelve or fifteen years .No he said" I’ve been in prison " without thinking I said oh! What for?” MURDER” he replied. Silence for a while with me racking my brain for a safer subject. How’s your father then not seen him for a while I asked? It was him I was in jail for killing he said. Rest of the journey in silence.