Russian Roulette

Local motorists were forced into an unwanted game of Russian roulette at the weekend. Temporary traffic lights at Barrows ridiculously over delayed roadworks at the junction of Rawlinson St and Abbey Rd were faulty for the forth or fifth time within the last month. This led to the red lights not showing on both sides of Abbey Rd and drivers speeding through the junction with one crash at least and many near collisions and bad tempered arguments. Surely someone must be in charge of looking after the lights over the weekend, why weren't they called out and told to fix the fault before someone is hurt or killed?

Cowboy Outfit

The normally quiet village like atmosphere of Roose was shattered by the sound of gunfire as I drove back from Holbeck early on Saturday morning. The smoke and the stench of cordite hung in the air like an early morning mist. I could hear the gunfire but it took three circuits of the roundabout before I spotted smoke signals rising from the local Roose Conservative Club. As I cautiously drove into the car park to investigate the smoke got thicker and the gunfire got louder. I expected to see maybe our local goths and chavs in some sort of final confrontation, maybe about which group has the right to hang about outside our local Dalton Road McDs. But no the first character I saw walking across the tarmac was sporting long black hair in a pony tail and was dressed in native American Indian style buckskins. More characters all dressed in various western outfits sauntered out from the bar carrying pints of beer and toting six guns and rifles. None of them took aim at my cab and so I hitched up and had a little mosey around. It was quite a sight to see with confederate soldiers rubbing shoulders with union troops and Indian squaw's sharing cigarettes with buffalo hunters. The gunfire started up again and after I had climbed out from under the taxi, I saw that a posse of lawmen were in the middle of a deadly gunfight with a gang of desperate outlaws. When I saw that no blood was being shed I realised that they were firing blanks and that if I avoided the fierce looking Indian who was sharpening his tomahawk nearby, I should be safe. Turns out it was a meet of a western reenactment group, and boy do they take it seriously with costumes and weapons perfect in every detail, it was just like being on a film set of a shoot em up western..

Women In Art

I think this is great, it portrays women in art from the middle ages right up until the recent past. Watch it and see how many artists works you can spot.

Chateau Lalinde

Wow what a write up from Red Shoes over at the lovely blog from France Chateau Lalinde I have gone red with embarrassment reading it, pop over and check out life in the Dordogne region of France.
"This is a delightful and insightful blog, very well written - and yes, he is correct in saying he often sees what others overlook. I wanted to say that 'very original', but Bob is linked up to a whole range of taxi driver blogs, which is not really surprising -- how often have you yourself said -- "Ah! What they must see and hear! Taxi drivers should write books!" Well, here it is -- Bob is doing it. Do go have a look. And while you are there, also click on his second blog, , a photographic version of taking a look at what others often miss --- here he takes two steps back and looks at things from a different angle. He is not only a good writer, but an excellent photographer".

Sign of the times

No smoking signs, get used to them because they'll be everywhere from 1st July. But what really is heavy handed is the fact that every public building must have them - regardless of what the building is. The government has decided on a new design for no-smoking signs and it also wants them put at the entrance of every enclosed public space, Buckingham Palace has to, so does 10 Downing Street, and even St Paul's Cathedral and Westminster Abbey. Even ancient monuments which the public have no access to must have them, but the thing is that they can't just be any old "no smoking" sign , rule's have to be followed and this applies to us in our taxi's as well.
SIGNS - THE RULES Signs Must be in colour Must be A5 size Must be a minimum of 70mm in diameter Must read: No smoking
Must contain, in characters that can be easily read by persons using the entrance, the words— " No smoking. It is against the law to smoke in these premises".

Bag of Crap?

I was thinking maybe if I got myself a horse drawn taxi life, would be easier with no more silly council rules, but apparently not!
A horse-drawn taxi service in Bath risks losing its licence because the horses keep fouling the city's highways.
Bath Council says it has received "several complaints" from local residents and traders about dung left by horses of the Bath Carriage Company, owned by Davey MacDonald.
"It is part of the conditions of his licence that he clears up after his horses," said a spokesman for the council, "so we have reminded him of this."
The renewal of Mr MacDonald's licence is due soon. He says that the council's stipulation that he fixes a device to his horses to collect the droppings is "impractical.
"I'll put nappies on my horses on Thursday to get my licence but on Friday I'll leave them off," he said.
The device would resemble a canvass bag attached to the tail and suspended between the horse's legs.
"It's ridiculous and dangerous to have a bag of crap slung between my horses' legs," said Mr MacDonald. "It would chafe their skin and interfere with the harness. If they trot fast it could really unsettle them."
There has been public speculation that a bylaw might be introduced in Bath which could see all horse owners fined if they fail to clean up their animal's mess.

New Job?

This looks like it could be a change from driving a taxi eh! wonder where I apply.

glumbert.com - High Power Job

Whit a Night.

Well that's the last of the super Sunday's gone, no more now until late August. As with the last one I worked until the early hours,but for some reason this one wasn't quite as busy as the last, maybe folk were saving themselves for the traditional Whit Monday exodus to Cartmel races. I was amused that as the night wore on, that the young lasses that I picked up who were going into town seemed to be wearing progressively less and less. What most of them seem to do is to gather at one of the girls houses and then have a drink whilst getting ready to go out. One or two of them actually told me that "their was no way they would they would dare go out dressed in something so skimpy if they were sober" and so it seems that the more they drink whilst getting ready that the less they wear. Some on the way to town get a bit nervous and ask silly questions like the usual "does my bum look big in this"(no bigger than usual) and is "this skirt to short"(I'd have to get my reading glasses on to see it). But this super Sunday some of the questions were a bit more unusual, like the lass who told me that she was thinking of having a tattoo(I dared not ask where) and did I think she should have the colours done at the same time or later. Not a clue on that one but I guess it depends if your the type to chicken out when it's time to go back under the needle. One young lass who was of the more well nourished body type asked me if she "was too pink" in her cerise outfit," no you look great" I said, but couldn't help but think of a giant uncooked pork sausage when she got out of the cab.

Rougth Ride Home

It seems that taxi driver's oop north in Carlisle have found a novel way of maximizing income by carrying extra passengers in the boot of their cabs!

"Matthew Champney, 41, was stopped by police and later convicted of overloading his Skoda taxi. Now he could be out of a job if Carlisle City Council’s regulatory panel revokes his taxi licence as punishment.
A report to councillors says: “A white Skoda taxi was seen in Collier Lane, Carlisle, and it appeared two people were getting into the boot. “Police officers attended and found the driver to be Mr Champney.
“When questioned he stated that he had finished work for the night and the two men in the boot were friends and just ‘larking about’. “There was no complaint from the two men.
“However, the officer reported Mr Champney for overloading his vehicle and he appeared before Carlisle Magistrates on April 13 when he pleaded guilty.” Mr Champney, of Whitberry Court, Roadhead, later told council officers that the two men were drunk.
He had, helped by two other friends who were already in his taxi, put them in the boot as a “light-hearted prank”. The incident took place in the early hours of the morning .
When the regulatory panel meets, councilors have a range of options from taking no action to suspending or revoking Mr Champney’s licence. He could also be ordered to re-sit his taxi-driving test."
Some folk might find that a bit extreme, but I am told by drivers who work the town centre ranks in the early hours that they would love to be able to carry local drunks like this. Some even go so far to suggest that some of the more subhuman drunks should be carted home in dumper trucks and unceremoniously tipped at their front doors. I think this is a bit extreme, maybe cattle trucks would be kinder, but even then I think they should give them a small discount on the fare.

All Greek To Me

Well I'm a bit disappointed that I never got this little job , it would have been a nice run out.

"A retired teacher in her nineties took a cab to Greece to see the site where Alexander the Great took lessons from Aristotle. Kathleen Searles made the trip from Britain to northern Greece accompanied by her nurse, spent half an hour at the site of Aristotle's School, then got back in the cab for the journey of several thousand miles home. Searles had a lifelong dream to visit the site in Isvoria, near the modern Greek city of Naousa, where the famous philosopher tutored the heir to the Macedonian throne and other nobles in 342 BCE. The teachings of Aristotle, one of the leading philosophers of Greek antiquity, are believed to have heavily influenced Alexander, who resolved to spread ancient Greek culture in the vast empire he subsequently carved out in modern-day Turkey, Egypt, Persia and India."

Chaos

Tempers are getting more and more frayed as Barrow's busiest Junction at Abbey Road and Rawlinson Street remains nowhere near finished and is controlled by badly setup temporary traffic lights. After all these months it really has gone beyond a joke now, I find that we taxi drivers just can't win, if we go round to save the frustrating wait we are moaned at about the extra on the fare, and if we brave the chaos and get stuck we get moaned at because of the extra charge for the waiting time. I think as a public service our local newspaper( the Evening Mail) should find and publish the names and phone numbers of the people who are in charge of this fiasco. Maybe if we had the home phone number of the boss of the Penrith based construction company, we could ring him whilst he's having breakfast and tell him exactly how many of his workers are actually working and just how many are stood around watching them.

FA Cup

FA cup final day is always a busy one for us with a rush to the supermarkets in the morning to get supplies of snacks and the all important beer. Then it's the rush to get to the pubs before kickoff, after that it's heaven on the roads with hardly a car to be seen. Then we get a mad rush at half time as fans try to race to the next pub in time for the second half, and woe betide the driver who doesn't get them there in time, especially if things don't look to good for their team. I find that after the match when I pick up the fans who have been celebrating or drowning their sorrows, it's always best to be a bit diplomatic. They invariably as soon as they get in the cab ask "who do you support then?"every time I look at the football top that they have on and always tell them that that's who I support. But some of them really do take it far to seriously, as proved by the wife of a supporter of the losing team who I picked up early on Sunday morning, she told me that her football mad husband had come home drunk and thrown her out and locked the door behind her. She had to spend the night with friends, and told me that this happened every time that his team lost!

Electric Chair

Well it seems that for £236.00 we can buy a set of seat covers which will turn our taxi seats into mobile electric chairs. The shocking seat covers are advertised for sale on E-Bay and are capable of giving fares a whooping 50KV shock up the backside. Now it does say that they may not be legal in some country's ,which I'm pretty sure would include the UK, but I'm sure some drivers won't be put of by the legal niceties. Drivers who have been robbed and assaulted in the past would surely love this system in their taxi, apparently all it takes is a press of a button on the dash and it's instantly the smell of frying flesh. It would be great if they were legal though, just think how some folks attitude would change towards their taxi driver. No more arguments with drunks who don't want to pay or won't get out of the car, and maybe we could just give the odd smelly fare we get a shocking reminder to take a shower.

Heres the link!
TASSY?
The new Taxi and Car Security System TASSY is a system for the protection of owners, taxis and cars. It´s a system with functions of Anti-Theft and Anti-Robbery by 50kV Electric Shock. The special taxi protection cushions with high voltage electric shock function can be easily fixed on the rear seat of the car by elastic belt directly without control unit. Covered on the seat and the backrest of the car, the driver can operate the cushions by remote control or manual to activate the high voltage electric function. In case of an emergency, the driver can activate the shocking function by pressing the shocking button. Then there will be high voltage pulse on the whole surface of the cushion and backrest. Electric shocks protect the car and its driver immediately from robbery and violence. The robber is forced to give up. The voltage, it emits, is high. It can shock the robber strongly and do little harm to health. So, it´s an easy and impressing solution for the safety of driver

Dangerous Lady

HELL hath no fury like a woman scorned... as hapless plasterer Jason Wilson discovered at the weekend.
His long-term partner Emma Thomason took exception to something he’d done on Sunday and let him know about it – by packing all his worldly goods into the back of his works van and letting it roll into Cumbria's Whitehaven Harbour.
Jason’s sympathetic boss Graham has given him the week off but will be expecting an explanation when he returns on Monday morning.
Graham Wilson said: “Basically the lad was out for a pint and she took exception to something. I don’t know the ins and outs yet, but it must have been serious for her to take this course of action and I’ll certainly be asking for an explanation.
“I have been to see the van – which is a total write-off – and all his clothes and possessions are in the back of it. She must have been really mad at him.
“I have never met her and he has only worked for me for a few months, but from what I can gather they have been together for a long time.
Astonished on-lookers could not believe what they were seeing on Sunday evening. One said: “I had just been for a meal in a Harbour restaurant and I was walking along the dock when a van pulled up on the slipway.
“This woman jumped out of it, slammed the door and walked away. It went rolling down into the water.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw it.
“I was going to ask her what she was doing but I looked at her and she gave me an evil stare before I could open my mouth, so I decided I’d better not.”
The van rolled into the water, which is over 12ft deep, and was completely submerged.
The coastguard volunteers tried in vain to get the van out of the dock, despite the water level being dropped by a metre to try and aid the recovery.
The next day a professional diver attached winches and the van was hauled back up the slipway.
The final bill for the incident could run into tens of thousands of pounds.
Graham Wilson added: “I was furious at first but I can see the funny side now, and at least we’ll get some free advertising if the picture of the van is plastered all over the papers.
“I haven’t had the bill yet, but the diver was £400 and the recovery wagons cost a fortune.
“That van itself is worth eight or nine thousand, so the total bill will be massive.
“I just hope that the insurance company are prepared to pay out.”
The Whitehaven Harbormaster said “Thankfully they were able to get it out within 24 hours, so the environmental effect was minimal.”

Bootiful

When I picked up at a Barrow supermarket today my fare had a full trolley of shopping. He looked at me hopefully and asked "will it all go in the boot" " No problem" I replied and opened the boot , he looked in the boot and said"wow thats a rare sight"this puzzled me and so I looked in the boot and said "there's nothing there it's empty" "Yes that's it" he said I get a taxi every day and most of them have stuff in the boot. As we drove, I asked him more about the stuff in the boot syndrome."what sort of stuff" I asked , "oh you know road cones,bricks, cement ,wood , tools,bowling balls, and last week one had a full set of golf clubs" I thought maybe he was exaggerating, and so I asked a few more regular fares during the rest of the day, and they told me of drivers with pushchairs, child seats, and in a lot of cases their own shopping in the boot. I was even told by one of our operators that they get fares ringing up now and again to say that they have taken the drivers shopping by mistake. It seems that I must be the odd one out with my empty boot

Kitesurfing

Kitesurfers skim the wave at Walney's Earnse bay, the British championships were held there last weekend.

Five

A single-digit car registration plate was auctioned off for more than $6.8m in the United Arab Emirates on Saturday, beating the previous world record by more than 10 times.
The number plate "5" was bought for 25.2 million dirhams ($6.86m) in Abu Dhabi, the oil-rich capital of the UAE.
Businessman Talal Khouri placed the highest bid in the first auction of its kind in the UAE, with the proceeds going to charitable projects for people with special needs.
When asked if number '5' had any meaning to him, his response was in the negative. "The number does not mean anything to me. I will keep it and after my death it will be re-auctioned and probably raise more money that will again be given to charity and humanitarian work," he added.The price beat a previous world record set last July in Yorkshire, northern England, where the numberplate "M1" was knocked down for £331 500 or $657 160 at current exchange rates.

Exiles

This seems to be the time of year when exiled Barrovians return to their roots, for a nostalgic look around their old home town. In the last few days I have picked up two fares both of which have long since moved to live on distant shores. The first Angus Anderson, now lives in Los Angeles California, but should be well remembered in Barrow because of his connection with the local music scene. He tells me he was a member of sixties local heartthrob group the "Roadrunners"a bit before my time, but I'm sure many local folk will remember him. The second was former Roose lad John Large and his family, who tells me that he emigrated to Canada in 1974. John seems to have settled well and told me that "Canada is the place where I can live out my boyhood dreams of hunting and fishing and enjoying the great outdoors. I love to Canoe and hunt and fish I build my own Bows and arrows and love to wood carve." John keeps in touch with old friends and with whats going on in Barrow via local website www.southlakes-uk.co.uk which has a message forum that many ex Barrow folk use to keep in touch.

Fluoroman

What is it with some guys when you give them a fluorescent jacket and a hard hat, why do they suddenly think that they have the power to shut roads and direct traffic in directions that drivers don't want to go? I was driving up Barrow's High St today and as I reached the junction with Rawlinson St, when out jumps fluorescent man and places two cones across the road to block the way. Why I don't know, nobody seemed to be doing owt "maybe he wanted a site meeting with the rest of the fluorescent squad to decide whether they were having pies or buns from Diggles that day" I drove up to the cones and fluoroman starts to gesticulate wildly and shout in a broad Penrith dialect that I should turn right. Of course him being from the wild north of Cumbria, and a stranger to Barrow he wouldn't know that he was trying to direct me down a one way street would he! I gave him my best smile and waved at him nicely as I drove over his cone and on to the junction, the six cars behind me followed my example, leaving fluoroman dancing with rage.
Later on in the morning I had driven halfway down one of Barrows narrower terrace streets when a car turned in from the bottom, as there was no room for both of us to pass I stopped and waited for him to reverse the few yards back so we could pass. But oh no not this character he drove straight up to my front bumper and arrogantly waved at me to reverse. When I didn't he leaned out his window waving me back and shouting "go back go back". A couple who were walking past looked at him in amazement and said to me "what a cheeky bugger" Now this could have led to the classic Mexican standoff with both of us refusing to move, but I was on my way to a job and this was losing me money. And so after a few choice words in his direction I very slowly reversed back. But the shock was that this wasn't as you might expect the arrogant behavior of a local boy racer, but one of our well known local town hall council officials.

Pink Cab

A London cabbie who provides cabs for gay weddings told taxi manufacturers LTI Vehicles his new TX4 had to be pretty in pink.

The vehicle, finished by the company’s paint shop team in eye-catching luminous pink, is among the latest vehicles to roll off the production line of the Holyhead Road-based manufacturer in Coventry. It was ordered by London cabbie Carlos Oliviera after he spotted what he believes is a gap in the market, and his pink cab is already creating a huge buzz in the capital.

"It's certainly rocking London and women think it's absolutely fantastic," said Oliviera. "The Fairway was a fantastic vehicle but the TX4 is great and is a superb drive. It's an effortless way of working," he added.

With a registration plate of E10PER, Carlos has named his unique motor the Pink Eloper and hopes to attract some of the 4,000 gay couples who tie the knot in the capital every year.

London cabbie Carlos said: "I got a bit of a ribbing from my mates and it was a bit of a shock for them when they saw it. They said they thought it took some guts to drive a vehicle like this but I am not frightened. I know I will get stick."

Although the factory can produce vehicles of any colour, LTI were taken aback when they were asked mix such an eye-catching shade. They said: "We are sometimes asked to produce special colours but this one is the most outlandish.
"Having said that, we have had a lot of fun working on this one. It isn't exactly my choice, but my daughter loves it."
The pink cab is a rare, one-off special order for which the customer had to pay an additional charge, but LTI Vehicles already offers the famous taxi in twelve different colours.

Word Battle

The highest pub in England has come out on top in a David-and-Goliath battle with Kentucky Fried Chicken over the right to call one of their meals a "family feast".
Every Christmas, the remote Tan Hill Inn in the Yorkshire Dales serves a traditional meal of turkey with all the trimmings for £40 a head.
However, American fast food giant KFC threatened legal action against the quirky local for trademark infringement of the chain's own "Family Feast" - a mass-produced carton of crap adulterated chicken pieces, chips, coleslaw, potato with gravy, and a tooth rotting soft drink.
When pub landlady Tracy Daly, received a letter from a London, on law firm on behalf of KFC, she initially thought it was a late April Fool's joke. Even the solicitor's name, Giles Pratt, sounded suspicious, she said.
But she called him, and heard it was serious. "The solicitor told me I shouldn't take it personally, but I don't feel anything - it's just hilarious,"
"They are a multi-million-pound international organisation and I am just a little lady up a mountain."
KFC at first confirmed the lawsuit but a spokesman for the fast food firm said later the company had decided to drop its legal fight.
A spokesperson for KFC GB Ltd said this afternoon: “KFC has to protect its trademarks against those who seek to trade off its brand. KFC has spoken to Mrs. Daly at the Tan Hill Inn and confirmed that it will not take this case any further.You couldn't make stuff up like this, even if you tried!
"This means that Mrs Daly can continue to use the phrase “family feast” on the pub’s Christmas menu. It’s an unusual situation that has been blown out of all proportion.”
At 1,732 feet the Tan Hill Inn, on the Pennine Way long distance footpath in North Yorkshire, is England's highest pub. It is four miles from the nearest village and 42 miles from a Marks & Spencer, Mrs Daly said.
For more than a year, the pub has advertised its "Christmas Day Family Feast" on its website. The hearty meal starts with soup or Guinness and Stilton pate, followed by roast turkey with Yorkshire puddings, cranberry sauce and vegetables. Punters can choose between Christmas pudding and Strawberry Gateaux for dessert, with coffee or cheese and biscuits to finish.
Which to me sounds a heck of a lot better than KFC,s offering!
How on earth can anyone trademark two words and then say that they own them, it's about time some of these global Goliaths were brought back down to earth.

Late Nights

This super Sunday I decided I would have a change from working during the day and so I ended up working from 6:30pm until 1:00 am. And what a busy one it was,every pub in the town centre was bursting at the seams, and Barrows notorious Cornwallis St, or as it is known in the trade the Gaza strip was buzzing. As the night wore on the punters were getting the worse for wear and in some town centre streets it was a game of dodge the drunk, as I weaved round crowds of revelers staggering in the middle of the streets. I could have kept busy until much later, but with having to work early the next day and looking at some of the states that were wondering round I decided to cut and run. Back up and out again early next morning I spent a big part of the day picking up the leftovers, some who had woken up with a bad head in strange places, and in some cases with even stranger people. Some of them I recognised from the previous night, you know it's funny how the gorgeous girls just don't look gorgeous any more in the cold morning light of the next day. With having worked the previous night I was looking forward to 5:pm and my finish time. It reached five to five and so I went to collect what I decided was my last fare of the day" it was" but unfortunately for me it was going the hundred miles or so to Manchester Airport . That meant not getting home until 9:pm, and a late overcooked tea. Of course I could have turned the airport job down, but I suffer from taxi drivers constipation"I just can't pass a good job"

Time and Tide

A Barrow driver, despite the loss of his car had a very lucky escape this week. He had driven out with his daughter and grandchildren on to the sands off North Walney to follow his hobby of scuba diving. Before he knew it he found that he had been cut of by the notoriously fast flowing treacherous tide from behind. Realising he could not hope to drive the two miles back to shore, even with the four wheel drive engaged, he had to abandon the car and make a desperate dash back to the safety of the beach. He was very very lucky to escape with his and his family's life's, and now wants people to know just how dangerous it can be out on the sands. As the old saying goes "time and tide wait for no man" and that includes the ones driving four by fours. After reaching safety he contacted the police who told him he should inform the coast guard. Since the danger had passed he decided not to ring the emergency 999 number, but to ask directory inquiries for the phone number. After being put through he had a ten minute conversation with a very confused lady phone operator. Only after he had tried to explain for the fifth time did she realise that he thought he was talking with the coastguard but in reality he had been put through to a local taxi firm called Coastline.

Another Driver Attacked

Another one of our drivers has been attacked and injured! Apparently at about 2am he picked up a group of young males and took them to our local Tesco supermarket and waited whilst they stocked up on beer. When he arrived at the address they asked to be taken to, none of them wanted to pay the fare. The driver of course told them that they couldn't have the beer until they had paid the fare. After a few minutes of this standoff these thugs appeared armed with nun chucks, with which before the driver could drive off they smashed his window and stole his taxi keys. Others broke the rear window and retrieved the beer, during this the driver was threatened, chased by thugs brandishing the nun chucks and then assaulted and left with a gashed face. All this on a Thursday night, which is considered to be one of the quieter nights, what's this town coming to! Myself I think that maybe Tesco should be thinking hard and long about it's twenty four hour alcohol sales, especially to groups like these who obviously had had far too much to drink already.

Sirens

Is it just me or does anyone else think that sirens in radio advertisements, or even those in the background of some records should be banned. We have one in particular on Barrow's Abbey FM, you know the type "had an accident contact us and sue some poor beggar for loads of cash". This one has a loud ambulance siren going for a minute or two before the actual advert, and every time it catches me out, I end up slowing down and looking all around for the non existent ambulance. Now I just turn the sound down as soon as I hear the siren, just in case it is the real thing. You can never tell which direction our sirens are coming from, and you see drivers looking all around them and you always get one that panics when they realise that they are in the way. You know the one, they always go the wrong way and end up blocking the road altogether , and then of course this makes them panic even more. Talking of sirens I thought the days of policemen hiding with speed guns was over, but no this Sunday morning I spotted one. There he was with his car hidden in a driveway, he was unsuccessfully trying to hide his portly frame behind a lamppost and jumping out when a car come along and pointing his hairdryer at it. But considering that it was 8:00am on a Sunday morning I would suspect that he wasn't really after giving speeding tickets. Maybe it would be an ideal opportunity to smell the booze on the breath of the drivers who had too much the night before. So be warned more drivers are being prosecuted for driving over the limit the morning after than ever before. Do the sensible thing get a taxi!

Talking Walking Benches

It seems that all of Barrows famous talking benches
have gone missing. Yes that's right the whole flock, herd, gaggle, whatever you would like to call them the whole bunch of talking benches has disappeared. For those folks who have no idea what a talking bench is, they are fitted with solar panels for power and the idea was that you plugged your headphones in and it told you a story or recited a poem.There were about ten or twelve scattered about the town centre and they were a great source of puzzlement to local drunks who plugged into them on their way home. I didn't have a listen myself, but people who did, told me that they were ok, but the stories and poems they told were not locally based, which would have been a far better idea. Hey! Maybe our local bigwigs swapped them for the giant steel book and some folks in another lucky town are scratching their heads trying to figure out what the strange new seats are all about.

Watching Men Burn

I see the Daily Mail, a respected National Newspaper has done a piece on local blogger Tony McNallys new book WATCHING MEN BURN. It seems a pity that our local newspaper hasn't seen fit to print a word about this so far.

"One press of a button should have saved 48 lives on the Sir Galahad troop ship. But Tony McNally's missile failed, and set him on a catastrophic course that 25 years on still make everyday a living hell...I concentrated on the lead jet. As it came on target, my sergeant screamed: 'Engage.' I pressed the fire button with my left-hand index-finger. "

"The attack came and went in the blink of an eye. The lead Sky Hawk's two bombs - 250 kg each - hit the Galahad and exploded. The second pilot missed, but the third struck home, adding to the inferno that was engulfing the ship.I was just 19 back then. Eager for the adventure my home town of Barrow-in-Furness, Cumbria, couldn't provide, at 16 I signed up for the Army."

"I and many of the other lads were pretty unworldly. When fighting in the Falklands was first mooted, many of us believed the joke that some Argentinians had invaded an island off the coast of Scotland."

Nightclub Taxi War

It seems that trouble may be brewing between rival groups of taxi drivers competing for fares coming off Barrows floating nightclub. Tensions have been rising for the last few weeks between hackney licensed taxis, who are allowed to pick up fares from the street and a group of private hire cars who by law have to be pre-booked. But it seems that this group of private hire drivers have a taxi freephone installed on the Princess Selandia and insist that this gives them priority on picking up fares . Heated words have been exchanged with both groups accusing the other of stealing fares. The busy Saturday night saw the police involved when complaints were made by hackney drivers about the private hire firm having huge orange flashing lights on their car roofs, and having touts directing fares towards them. It seems that the flashing lights were removed only after police intervention, to prevent a breach of the peace. Some hackney drivers allege that the touts are pinching fares illegally with the promise of a cut price taxi.

DIY

Believe it or not they tell me that someone actually lives in this house. At first glance you would think that it hadn't been touched in years, but notice the satellite dish and the recent DIY on the doorstep. Well at least I hope it's DIY, and not one of our local cowboy builders. The step is now at least 18 inches high, you'd need a step to climb it.

Nits

My fare was a young mother who I had picked up going to a local primary school to pick up her two children. The two youngsters ran out of the school gates and jumped into the car both waving a piece of paper excitedly at their mum" we've got a letter for you mam" they shouted. The mother took the letters and read them, but didn't say a word. As we drove towards their home the kids were jumping about all over the place, and one of them kept straining forward and putting his head up to my ear to tell me all about what they did at school that day. "What was the letter about mam" asked the younger kid, she didn't answer and so he kept asking again and again. After a while the older kid ,who I couldn't help but notice kept scratching his head shouted "it's about the nits that are going round the school again!" The mother said nothing but went really red when they both started scratching like mad for the rest of the ride home. I know it was probably just physiological, but I was really struggling to stop myself from scratching my head until they had got out.

Gretal

At last the demolition of Barrow's infamous grot spot "The Mall" is well underway, and about time too, it should have gone years ago. But where will all the hundreds of newly homeless pigeons go to I wonder? My guess is that they will join their feathered friends the short flight away at the burnt out former Presbyterian Church in School Street. Which will only add to the massive problem we already have with pigeon infestation in Barrows town centre. Disgracefully even some of the empty floors above shops in Barrows main shopping street, Dalton Road have been made home by these flying health hazards. But even so I was amused this morning to watch Barrow's bird lady, busy on her secret mission. Scattered about the town centre we have signs telling us that we should not feed the pigeons and that it's illegal to do so, and so our bird lady has gone undercover. She was walking round in big circles on the car park near to the old burnt out church. Why was she wearing an oversize coat with bulging pockets? at first I couldn't figure out what she was up to. But getting a bit closer I could see that she was doing her Gretal impression, leaving a long trail of breadcrumbs behind her. She must have had her pockets stuffed with sliced bread and was breaking it into crumbs and dropping it as she walked from a hole inside her coat.

Sea Planes

One of the most romantic modes of air travel, which faded with the British Empire, is set to return as plans are made for a fleet of seaplanes that will fly to destinations across Britain.
AirSea Lines, which runs services in the Mediterranean and Canada, has unveiled plans to bring at least 10 aircraft to Britain during the next five years. The company has earmarked three areas around the country in which they will operate services. These are the Lake District, north Wales and London.
The company's president, said: "Seaplane transport is a hidden treasure for Britain. Water is a natural place to land and there are many places in the country that are well suited to them. They can be a real alternative to cars and trains as well as other forms of air travel. They are safer than helicopters and cheaper to operate. You can fit more passengers on board and they require very little extra infrastructure."
Flights from Cardiff to remote bays in north Wales and services in the Lake District will cater for tourists, while routes from London to lakes and waterways in southern England, are also intended to attract business and commuter use.
Flights from London to the Lakes are also possible from London's Docklands.
The company mainly uses the DeHavilland Twin Otter, a rugged and reliable aircraft developed for exploring northern Canada, which can carry 19 passengers and land on runways as well as on water. Production of the Twin Otter stopped in 1988, but restarted this month to meet the expected increase in demand over the next decade.
The company is in negotiations with Think London, a government-funded agency that encourages foreign companies to invest in the capital, as well as with the Welsh Assembly and Cumbria Vision, a company set up to encourage investment in the Lake District.
Moves to fly into the Lake District are likely to prove the most problematic. The company will have to secure permission from the Lake District National Park Authority, which has enforced a 10mph speed limit for boats on Windermere. Seaplanes travel at least six times that speed on landing and take-off . Now this idea really has a lot potential for boosting tourism round here.
Surely if these seaplanes aren't allowed to land on our nearby lakes for environmental reasons (as I'm sure the Friends of the Lake District will say) they could maybe land on one of our huge unused local docks. Now that would be something to see!

Naked Rambler

A TAXI driver got an eyeful when the Naked Rambler tried to hitch a ride in his cab.
Ex-marine Stephen Gough had just been cleared of breach of the peace at Edinburgh Sheriff Court when he asked Callum Watt to give him a lift to Saughton Prison.
The 47-year-old naturist, who has been convicted of exposing himself in public eight times, was rearrested moments later.
Watt, 44, from Edinburgh, told of his shock when Gough jogged up to his taxi while he was dropping off an elderly passenger in the Grassmarket around 5pm.
The cabbie said: "I actually recognised the guy straight away - facially. When I asked him where he kept his money, he didn't answer and again asked for a lift.
"I said if he had a pair of shorts then he could sit quite happily in my taxi but otherwise, no."
A crowd had gathered, with some taking pictures of Gough on their mobile phones.
A police van was parked nearby and Gough walked straight over and got in it.
Watt said: "I would have liked to talk with the chap.
"In five years I would say he is the strangest passenger that's ever tried to get in my taxi. It certainly brightened my day up."
Police said Gough was arrested, charged with breach of the peace and kept in custody.

Wine not Cider

My three young lady passengers were discussing what they were going to do that evening as I drove them to school. The conversation went something like this"It might rain tonight, where should we go drinking if it does ? "Dunno the shelter in the park I guess, what are you getting" "I asked me mam to get me a litre of Lambrini but she said no not if it's cider, I told her it was wine and so she said it was OK then". Well that's all right then eh! mummy doesn't mind her daughter getting drunk on cheap wine, just as long as she keeps away from the cider, that would be far to common. You might think that was bad enough but worse was to come, the third lass said "I asked my mum for a litre of vodka, but she said that would be too expensive and that she might just get me half a litre." Bear in mind that these girls were no more than thirteen or fourteen at the most. Is it just me or does anyone else think that maybe the parents of these kids needs a swift hard kick up their backsides.

Predictions from 1900

In December 1900, the Ladies Home Journal published a list of predictions for the year 2000. There are some real gems here, but the best relate to transport -- Elfreth Watkins, Jr, specified that locomotives would become "cigar-shaped." And that air-ships will be deadly war-vessels.

Prediction #4: There Will Be No Street Cars in Our Large Cities. All hurry traffic will be below or high above ground when brought within city limits. In most cities it will be confined to broad subways or tunnels, well lighted and well ventilated, or to high trestles with “moving-sidewalk” stairways leading to the top. These underground or overhead streets will teem with capacious automobile passenger coaches and freight with cushioned wheels. Subways or trestles will be reserved for express trains. Cities, therefore, will be free from all noises.

Prediction #5: Trains will run two miles a minute, normally; express trains one hundred and fifty miles an hour. To go from New York to San Francisco will take a day and a night by fast express. There will be cigar-shaped electric locomotives hauling long trains of cars. Cars will, like houses, be artificially cooled. Along the railroads there will be no smoke, no cinders, because coal will neither be carried nor burned. There will be no stops for water. Passengers will travel through hot or dusty country regions with windows down.

Prediction #6: Automobiles will be cheaper than horses are today. Farmers will own automobile hay-wagons, automobile truck-wagons, plows, harrows and hay-rakes. A one-pound motor in one of these vehicles will do the work of a pair of horses or more. Children will ride in automobile sleighs in winter. Automobiles will have been substituted for every horse vehicle now known. There will be, as already exist today, automobile hearses, automobile police patrols, automobile ambulances, automobile street sweepers. The horse in harness will be as scarce, if, indeed, not even scarcer, then as the yoked ox is today.

Prediction #7: There will be air-ships, but they will not successfully compete with surface cars and water vessels for passenger or freight traffic. They will be maintained as deadly war-vessels by all military nations. Some will transport men and goods. Others will be used by scientists making observations at great heights above the earth. What gems eh! click here for the full list.

Shocking

This was found stuck down the back of my front passenger seat, with the probes sticking out just where a passengers butt would be. It had a fully charged battery and was in working order, just how long it had been there I don't know. I had had at least ten fares sat in that seat that morning, I guess they all had a lucky escape. Who left it is any body's guess, it may have been there for quite a few hours. What did I do with it? well I disposed of it pretty rapidly, apart from being dangerous I would have lost my taxi licence if I had been found with it in the car.

Easter Edinburgh

Over the Easter holidays, I spent a few days up in Scotland stopping near and visiting the beautiful city of Edinburgh. We visited the usual tourist attractions including the famous Edinburgh castle and then the city zoo, which I would say has a lot to learn from our very own South Lakes Wild Animal Park.
I was saddened to see the obvious signs of zoo madness or stress of pacing and head rocking, in Mercedes the lone polar bear as she suffered in the heat of her small enclosure. Very depressing to watch and, to be honest, had that been the first thing I saw I don’t think I’d have gone any further. Best day out though had to be the National Museum of Scotland
right in the centre of Edinburgh, and not just because it was free; but it certainly did help that it was!
We in Barrow tend to moan about our single local speed camera but we should be thankful we don't live in big busy city's. When driving in Edinburgh I saw cameras everywhere, and not just speed cameras, they have cameras to catch you driving in the bus lanes, jumping red lights and entering box junctions when the exit isn't clear. The other thing is of course because this was Scotland not England the cameras aren't painted bright yellow like ours and aren't as easy to spot.

Steaming

It's not often you see something like this coming down the road towards you, but I spotted this steam traction engine on the road near Millom this morning.

Sheepish

A bright sunny Sunday morning and one of my first jobs was to pick a lady up from Furness General hospital and take her the twenty four miles to her home in Millom. She had been brought down by ambulance the night before, but unfortunately she was left to find her own way home. We tend to forget about these poor folks when we moan about having to travel the two or three miles up to the hospital. Now we Barrow folk do have a bit of a tradition of taking the mickey out of Millom and it's locals for some reason, we tend to think of it as a bit of a rural backwater. Some story's such as the one Barrovian visitors to Millom tell of following signs to the local leisure centre and then finding they lead them to two sheep tied to a lamppost, just don't help. But when you find that they have a clean working public toilet open at 9am on a Sunday morning in a town with a population of only 7000, you begin to wonder where Barrow with none at all for it's 60,000 people is going wrong.

Big Race

Saturday and Grand National fever sweeps the town , with every passenger I pickup asking me "which horse have you backed?" and then after the big race it was "well did you pick the winner?" But as strange as it may seem I didn't have a bet on the race, and the only time I go into a bookies is to help one of our disabled customers up the steps. And even stranger, the only time I've ever backed a horse was for a fare whose leg was in plaster, and then I had to ask someone how to go about it!
I hear it time and time again from some fares, about how they have had a big win and fleeced the bookies, but still it makes them happy for a short while as they get dropped off at their grotty flat, but in the meantime the bookie gets into his Rolls Royce and drives home to his mansion in the certain knowledge that his money will be coming back the next day.
I also notice a lot of folk in the bookies and pubs and clubs feeding the slot machines in an almost hypnotic looking trance. I just can't figure it out, what do they get out of it, the lights flash a couple of times and their money has gone. Myself I would much rather watch my taximeter flashing away, and the numbers steadily increasing, now thats what I call a certain winner.