Horror

It was just another local supermarket pickup and I thought nothing of it until one of the three lady fares opened the boot. I was just getting out of the car to help with the bags when a blood curdling scream pierced the early morning gloom. When I reached the back of the car, I was shoved out of the way by the three portly panicking ladies. When they had calmed down I explained that the grisly, blood stained leg in the boot was only a very lifelike fake. I had bought it for Halloween and put my foot in it by forgetting to take it out of the boot. They saw the joke and couldn't stop laughing all the way home. Of course after this I should have hidden the grisly limb, but no I couldn't resist leaving it in place. This led to lots more squeals and giggles for the rest of the day. The jokes were coming thick and fast, about taxi's costing an arm and a leg and that the best place for a foot was in a boot etc. But still it was Halloween eh!

Mr Nostalgia

The bleary eyed guy I picked up early this Sunday morning was reminiscing about Sundays as they used to be. "Aye they've ruined Sundays with these new all day licensing laws, you know" he said. "I used to love the traditional English Sunday" Getting interested I asked him what he meant by the traditional Sunday. "Well I used to have a late lie in bed and then the wife would fetch me a big fried breakfast." "Aye then she would iron me best shirt and I would be off down to the pub for 11:o-clock opening" He paused and went misty eyed at the tender memory's of happier times. "Aye then it was a good few pints and the landlord would ask us to stay for a lock-in." Humouring him I said "no such thing as a lock in nowadays what did it mean back then" "Oh aye it was illegal you know, but that was part of the attraction, they all did it, the doors were locked and curtains drawn and you were there for the full days drinking." After another pause to savour the memory he continued "and then it was stagger off home for a big roast dinner and fall asleep whilst reading the Sunday papers as the wife did the washing up." By this time we had reached town and I asked him where he would like dropping at. Bearing in mind that it was 8:45 am, I was surprised when he said "the Furness Railway they open at 9:am you know." "Why are you going for your fried breakfast, won't the wife make it this morning?"I asked. "No I'm going for a pint or two, and the wife, well she cleared off years ago."
Mmm wonder why, I thought as I drove off.

Dodgy Tar

It seems that we have to thank a dodgy batch of tarmac for causing a week of yet more long delays on a Barrow road. The much used Low road between town and Walney was a no go area between 8am and 4pm every day. They tell me that the work was done at the contractors expense because of the faulty materials used when it was surfaced a few months back. Some folk would point out that the work should have been redone during the nighttimes and not at the whim of the contractors. This would have been much more convenient to the town's motorists during what was a busy school half term week. But some would say that as this was a Cumbria County matter, and had no effect on the roads in the ruling north of the county, that they weren't too bothered.

About Time

Well it looks as if at long last that new safety rules are to be brought in to govern the hundreds of pedicabs touting for hire in London. After concerns were voiced that the rapid growth of the bicycle rickshaws - there are now about 600 - is putting people at risk. Even though they carry passengers, the pedicabs are classed as and have the same legal status as bicycles. Believe it or not drivers do not have to be licensed, or even have insurance. The rules are being proposed as part of the London Local Authorities and Transport for London Bill, which will be presented in Parliament on 27 November. It would enable councils to serve fixed penalty notices for parking on yellow lines, jumping red lights or driving in bus lanes. The move comes after a string of accidents involving pedicabs. In one, a passenger was thrown out and knocked unconscious. In another, a pedicab overturned after a collision with a bus. It also follows two weekends of action last month by police and Westminster council, which led to seven arrests and 43 warnings.
A Westminster councillor said: "We have been lobbying the Government for some time for further powers to help us tackle rogue pedicab operators, but we do need more weapons... to deal with them before somebody is killed." TfL's Public Carriage Office said a planned licensing scheme would become mandatory if the High Court declared pedicabs a type of hackney carriage. A spokesman for London Pedicabs, said: "We welcome the new rules but we do need to have allocated parking space and ranks." What a cheek eh! they don't want to pay for licenses and have police checks like cab drivers but they want all the benefits. Some pedicab riders are against the plans. One said: "It just feels like they are trying to choke us out of business. Clubbers and tourists love us."

NYC Taxi Logo

Well what do we all think of the new New York City taxi logo then? It's the top one with the old one pictured below. I quite like it myself.

The Hero and the Fool

Sunday mornings hero of the week award must go to one of our taxi drivers. He took the chance of taking the 22miles 40 minute drive out to Flookburgh to rescue a stranded drunk from a vague address. The job was turned down by other drivers, which is not surprising, we have all had experiences with Sunday morning drunks. Many a time we have been called time and time again to an address by a drunk demanding "wheres my taxi" only for it to be the wrong street or in some cases even the wrong town. Luckily our hero found his passenger, lets hope the drunk remembered to tip him well.
But the fool of the week must go to the aggressive young guy on our local Asda car park. He was involved in a minor bump between a car and van. It seems that as the other folk involved were female he had no one to take out his anger on. I was amused when he suddenly decided to vent his temper on the solid steel van. He ran to the front and kicked the bumper and then landed a punch on the bonnet. Ouch!

Empty Pub

Two of the characters that I picked up on Saturday afternoon were the type that empty pubs in a hurry. The first got in the cab and asked to be taken home "going home early have you had enough?" I asked. No I've been chucked out of the pub again, he replied. After a minute or two's chat during which I tried to see what sort of state he was in I cheekily asked him why he had been thrown out of the bar. Well he said, after I have had a few beers I start to growl. "Growl who at and why?" I asked intrigued. "Nobody and no reason" he said " I just stand at the bar and growl, and people just leave or move away from me." "Not very good for the pubs trade then" I remarked to which he replied "aye I guess that's why they ask me to leave after a while."
Next up was a sad faced man who got into the cab and gave his address and slumped back with a weary sigh. "Tired are you?" I asked to which he just sighed again and shrugged his shoulders. Some folk just don't want to talk and so I gave up and drove on in silence, apart from the odd sigh from Mr Happy. When we pulled up outside his house he handed me the fare without a word and got out of the cab. I was about to gratefully drive off when he opened the cab door again and leaned in. "You're born alone and you die alone, so don't stop and wait for anybody" he said with a knowing look. "Yes OK" I relied sombrely and drove away with a heavy heart.
Needless to say if I come across either of these characters in a pub at any time I shall hurriedly leave.

No Cash

Lol who is a big country and western fan is one of our more colourful local taxi drivers. His cab sports a sticker on the rear which he bought on his travels to Australia. It says "Driver carries no cash, He's Married." Well as they say "many a true word spoke in jest." Every time I see the sign I'm reminded of a now departed local taxi driver who had a bad case of bookie constipation , "he just couldn't pass one." It got so bad that his wife made him go home up to four times a day to give her any money that he had made, in case he gave in to temptation.

Free for All

Now we have it in writing officially, it seems that we can look forward to a 20MPH speed limit in every urban area and hundreds of extra speed cameras, so says an influential road safety group.
It also calls for a huge blitz on drivers more likely to cause accidents - such as "fat drivers who are prone to nodding off and elderly drivers who may no longer be safe behind the wheel."
The biggest impediment to dropping the speed limits and expanding the 20mph network is that, at present, standard cameras are not type-approved to enforce limits below 30mph," it says.
Traffic humps and chicanes are used instead but are unpopular, expensive, cause problems for emergency vehicles and add to emissions. (You can say that again)
"Time-over-distance cameras offer an effective alternative enforcement tool," it concludes.
A camera blitz on speeding must be accompanied by a war on motorists' dangerous lifestyles - with the very fat, the very old, and the very young to be targeted, adds the report.
The report says "sedentary lifestyles” make drivers more prone to an accident.
On the problem of older drivers it notes:” The UK population is ageing and likely to keep driving further, in larger numbers and for longer than previous generations.
The report, called Beyond 2010 - a holistic approach to road safety in Great Britain, as far as I can tell says nothing that we didn't already know. But it does give more than enough justification for a huge new revenue source for so called safety camera partnerships.

Instant Experts

As sure as night follows day if it's a bumper weekend for sport this leads to a busy weekend for Barrow's taxi's as well. What with football and both flavours of rugby games going on this weekend, folk were saying they couldn't remember a busier time for sport. I know nothing about rugby but on Sunday, the day after England's victory over France in the semi final, I was picking up fares who were instant experts by the dozen. Every one of them it seemed had become a die hard England fan and a font of knowledge about Rugby Union overnight. Several took pains to tell that me they could have obtained odds of eighty to one and have won a fortune, if only they had backed England to win early in the tournament. When asked "why didn't you then, if your such a big fan" the subject was quickly changed. Mmm wonder why!

Dear Smoke

Well I guess this is the end of the honeymoon period for the non smoking laws. I say this because a North West taxi driver has fallen foul of the recent legislation and been fined £50 for smoking in his own cab.
The man was handed the penalty after a council officer in Oldham saw him smoking a cigarette in his private hire taxi while parked in Rochdale Road. There were no passengers in his cab at the time, but this of course makes no difference.
The new laws make it an offence to light up in any workplace at any time - this includes taxis and private hire vehicles.
The purpose is to protect members of the public against the effects of second-hand smoke.
Some taxi drivers in Scotland have been fined after flouting smoke-free legislation, but this is thought to be the first case in England since the ban was introduced on July 1.
This leaves me wondering just how long it will be before they start getting tough on smoky drivers up here in Barrow.

Blue Murder

Lots of Barrow folk moan about the local bus service, mainly when the bus is running late and they end up getting wet. They should thank their lucky stars that we don't have the same bus system that the poor folks in Delhi have to suffer. Owners of the 4.500 privately owned Blueline buses rent them out to drivers, just as they would a taxi. This means that the drivers are paid according to how many passengers they pick up, thus encouraging them to speed. As a result, 334 people were killed in the past three years. The toll so far this year stands at 96. . This has led to intense competition, with buses racing each other to the next bus stop. In the worst recent case on Sunday seven were killed and eight injured when a bus lost control when trying to force past a rival bus and crashing into a bus shelter. Police had to use teargas to disperse an angry crowd of 3000 that wrecked the vehicle and beat up the driver. On Tuesday, police had to intervene again when a crowd attacked a Blueline bus that had killed a motorcyclist. Three hours later, another Blueline killed a Pizza Hut delivery boy.
“What can we do?” said passenger Ranjit Das-gupta, 33. “You want to get to work on time, but is it worth risking your life?” Mmm maybe our buses aren't that bad after all then.

Russian Roulette

We think things are bad on our roads, but you should thank your lucky stars you don't live in Moscow. There drink-driving and speeding have made roads among Europe’s most dangerous, but now locals face a sinister new threat" armed drivers."
Three pedestrians are the latest victims when a driver shot them from his car after complaining that they were walking too slowly on a zebra crossing in the city.
Witnesses said that the driver shouted at the pedestrians to get out of his way, then pulled out a pistol and shot them when they ignored him. Two were shot in the chest and another his arm and leg. The driver sped away but police later arrested an Azerbaijani man in connection with the shooting. The incident is the second in two weeks in which people have been shot by motorists in Moscow.
Locals are outraged about the serious escalation of road rage in this congested city, where drivers daily suffer two-hour traffic jams. Pravda, one of Russia’s popular newspapers, commented: “Stupidly, disgustingly, a real war on the streets of Moscow is continuing.”
Russia’s roads are already dangerous, mainly because drivers can pay a bribe to acquire their licence instead of having to pass a test.
Personally I think it's a bit harsh shooting slow pedestrians like that, a good jolt with a tazer would be much more civilized.

Smugglers Den

Well the recent increase in the age that folk can legally buy cigarettes, up from 16 to 18 doesn't seem to be having much affect. Three young uns of 14 or 15 were telling me in the cab on the way to school this morning about how they are getting round the new rules. Gangs of the more enterprising of the little dears are pooling their cash and buying their supplies in bulk from the local tobacco smugglers. They are then sold in lots of five or even individually at a good profit. Worse thing is that they tell me that it's actually the parents of some of the kids who are the suppliers. The so called responsible adults are buying the fags whilst on holiday and then selling them at a profit to any one who has the cash.

Bin Smudge

Local character "smudger" models his latest creation. He tells me that the style is heavily influenced by traditional Arab garments and is from his winter Bin Laden collection. Expect to see cheap Chinese copies on your high street any time now. (click photo to enlarge and admire closer)

Never Again

Sunday morning and it was the usual leftovers from the Saturday night. And of course the usual moans about hangovers and vows about "never drinking again." And even without gazing into a crystal ball I can reliably predict that they will do exactly the same next weekend. This constant repetition, when it's obvious that it going to end up in another painful hangover has always baffled me. This is even though I myself have admittedly done the same daft thing in the dim and distant past. But all was explained to me today when I picked up a fare who was a health professional specializing in drug and alcohol abuse. She explained that the brain has a built in defence mechanism which tells itself to forget about pain quickly. Go on test it yourself, try to remember exactly what your last toothache felt like. Yes you know it hurt, but your brain won't let you recreate that pain. But it still doesn't explain the guy who I picked up later on that same day. He staggered out of the pub as drunk as a lord and fell into the cab. "I haven't seen you for a while" I remarked "aye I just got out of rehab after six weeks" he slurred. Then as shook my head in puzzlement, he told me, as if it was quite normal that "he had been out for a good drink to celebrate!"

Hitching Rail

A lot of my passengers have been remarking on the strange new railings at the end of Barrows newly pedestrianised bit of Dalton Rd. The biggest question is what on earth are they for? Fashioned from expensive stainless steel and looking like they were designed for a ship instead of a street, some folk just shake their heads in disbelief and say "whatever next." But some make suggestions about what the intended use may be. Most popular is the theory that they are there to support Barrows drunks as they lurch between the many nearby pubs and bars. But the best I think is the theory that they are to be used by the cowboy road builders to hitch up their horses.

Lemon & Puppys

I knew it was going to be one of those days as soon as I picked up my first fare. Obviously still suffering from the effects of the previous nights chemical and alcohol cocktail she began to rummage in her pockets. Expecting the usual handful of leftover shrapnel as payment I held out my hand. "Here you are"she said and placed a well past it's sell by date lemon in my hand. "Err no thanks" I said "it's OK have it later" she replied. It took ten more minutes of patient explanation of why we preferred cash to fruit and veg before she finally coppered up.
Then the day ended with me falling for a classic sucker manoeuvre. My fare a young lass had a load of stuff to go in the boot, tins of paint and lots of bags. When the boot was stuffed full she said "right I'll just go and get my puppy you don't mind do you?" I of course thinking of a cute little ball of fluff said "yes OK no problem." It was of course a big problem and too late when I saw her dragging the uncontrollable 13st (180lb) Rottweiler onto my nice clean back seats. Vainly trying to stop it slavering over the upholstery she grinned and said "big for a puppy innit," Grr that was my day over with, I had to then go and clean the car out.
Still even this pales into insignificance when compared with the tale of bare faced cheek inflicted on another local cabbie. He had picked up a couple with an ancient long hared Alsatian which insisted on spreading hair and slaver all over the cab and driver. When he got to the destination only one passenger got out with the dog. The other then asked to be taken back to where they had come from, to collect his car. The driver was puzzled by this and asked why they hadn't taken the dog in their own car. "Oh no! We couldn't risk that, the dogs incontinent” was the matter of fact reply. Angrily the driver told them about the £75 soiling charge they had risked. "But that’s for people not animals" was the indignant reply.

Ugly Taxi?

Check out the Ugly Car Company.
Click the pic to see the great website.
They seem to be referring to the cars they use as Taxis, the controversially styled Fiat Doblo. They may not be pretty in the conventional sense but after a test drive in a brand new one today, they are really starting to grow on me. Cheap to buy and run, bags of room inside and comfortable high driving position seem to be making it into one of Europe's most popular taxi options. Well what do you think ugly or just a bit plain?

The Big House

It's hard to believe that in this day and age stories are still coming to light of folk spending years trapped in institutions. Often sometimes simply as a result of a long forgotten petty crime or because they suffered from learning disabilities. Or as in the case of a lovely old lady who is one of my regular fares, simply because she suffered from epilepsy. "Things were different back then" she says by way of forgiveness about the forty years she spent in "the big house." This was her name for the epilepsy hospital that was her home from the age of 16 until her release at the age of 56, too late for children, and any hope of what we would call a normal life? But still as she says "things were different back then” Just how different is illustrated by this recently told true story.

"Seventy years locked up in institutions hardly seems to be a punishment that befits the crime of stealing half-a-crown."
However, it is just such a fate that befell Jean Gambell when at the age of 15, in 1937, she was falsely accused of stealing 2s 6d (12.5p) from the doctor's surgery where she worked as a cleaner. She was sectioned under the 1890 Lunacy Act even though the money was later found, she has been moved from mental institution to mental institution. More recently, she went into a care home and has been lost to her family, who thought she was dead. But last month, by chance, her brother stumbled across correspondence which led to the discovery of her existence and the family was reunited. Her brother David Gambell, 63, who still lives in his mother's old home in Wirral, Merseyside, received a questionnaire addressed to his mother from Macclesfield Mews Care Home. "I thought it was just a survey for old people and I was about to throw it away when I saw Jean's name pencilled in on one corner," he said yesterday. "I couldn't believe it. I suddenly realised that my sister was still alive. I rang the care home straight away and they confirmed that our sister was there." He and his brother Alan, who had last seen their sister as small children when she was allowed to visit home with two wardens as guards, travelled to the Macclesfield home. They were told by staff that their 85-year-old sister was deaf, could only communicate in writing and was very unlikely to remember them. "A little old lady on walking sticks came in," said Alan. "She looked at us and cried out: 'Alan...David'. Then she put her arms around us. It was very emotional. "I am sure that what has kept her going all these years was the challenge of proving to the authorities that she had a family. The trouble was, nobody would listen to her." The brothers spent much of their childhood in orphanages because their parents were so poor. They said that they had later discovered that their father had tried for years to get Jean freed after she was put in Cranage Hall mental hospital in Macclesfield for being "of feeble mind", but was unsuccessful because her records had been mislaid. She spent years, lost in a maze of instutitons and care homes, trying to convince people in authority that she had a family. But nobody would believe her, because as my lovely old lady says "things were different back then."

Exams

News reaches me that a group of taxi drivers in Essex are reporting themselves as among the most professional cabbies in the country.
Around 50 drivers from Chelmsford have received an NVQ in Road Passenger Transport and become members of the town's Quality Taxi Partnership.
The NVQ scheme, funded by the Learning and Skills Council, has introduced training in the areas of customer care, health and safety, safer driving and legal matters.
John Spencer, deputy cabinet member for highways and transportation ,tells us: “Taxi drivers work very hard in Essex at giving their customers the service they want, but this qualification will help them to achieve that something extra special."
This is obviously a load of old tommy rot, as everybody knows fine well that us Northern taxi drivers are the country's elite. Some might say I'm prejudice but it's a well known fact that us Northerners are a more friendly and trustworthy bunch. Still it's a good idea in principle, I'm all for any idea that improves the image of cab drivers.

Cyber Taxi

The UK town of Daventry hopes to the first to have a driverless transport system.
In effect a driverless taxi, well lets hope it's slow to spread to this neck of the woods otherwise I will be out of a job. Check out the manufacturers Cyber Cars.
Now take a look at the video courtesy of the good old BBC, click the link below.
Driverless Taxi

Park n Pay

I wonder how long it is before the proposed idea of paying to park your car in works car parks reaches here. The "workplace parking levy" is seen as an alternative to road pricing. Nottingham city council is the first of a number of councils ready to impose charges on companies that provide their staff with parking spaces.
It proposes imposing the charge on companies with more than 10 staff parking spaces.
The initial fee would be £185 a year from 2010, rising to £350 in 2014.
The Transport Act gives councils the powers to impose and enforce workplace parking levies.
This also allows town halls to use enforcement officers who could not only inspect workplace car parks but issue parking tickets for anyone who had not paid.
Failing to pay the charge could lead to a £175 fine. It sounds like too good of a money earner for our councils to resist.
But think of the boost to the taxi trade, with this charge in place it would make perfect sense for folk to share a taxi to work and save a heap of cash. Come to think of it, why have a car at all, it will be cheaper to use taxis. Great idea eh!

Apathy

You know if we had a few forward thinking visionaries amongst the folk who are in charge of our local road network we could save millions. Hey never mind visionaries, just a few with common sense would do. Who in their right minds spends nigh on a million pounds on a strange dangerous roundabout with pedestrian crossings within yards, when a simple set of traffic lights with a combined crossing would have done the job? And who would be so arrogant as to spend £2.4m of our money on an unwanted and unnecessary one way road scheme. And all this without consulting us the folk that use these roads day in day out. And yet we let them get away with it every time I'm beginning to realise that folk round here are very apathetic and just seem to let these faceless bureaucrats do just what they want. This was proved yet again by a recent public meeting about a local sewage works plans for a huge expansion. This works has been causing problems for locals with smells for the last few years and you would expect a lot of people would be concerned. But no apart from the officials and some bored local councillors, a grand total of fifteen locals made the effort. I know I was one of them, on the way home I saw a bigger crowd smoking outside a pub. Maybe next time they should hold the meeting in a pub and have fag breaks every ten minutes eh!

Trade Tales

One of the interesting things about the taxi trade is the stories and insights into other folks jobs we get to hear. Some tales I am told are never going to be repeated for obvious reasons, but here are a couple of recent tales told to me. The first from a shopkeeper who runs a small corner convenience store, selling mainly snacks, booze and fags. She has a regular customer, a single mother with three or four toddlers, who shops there for essentials several times daily. The young mum had dashed into the shop and excitedly told her "great my milk tokens have come at last, they were four days late, now I can have my coffee with milk in again." The shopkeeper told me that she had to stop herself from screaming at her. She knew that this meant that the toddlers would have been without milk to drink or pour on cereal for those four days. But in the meantime the young mum had been coming in the shop every day for her essentials. In her case those essentials were forty cigarettes and a two litre bottle of Lambrini (cheap wine).
Next was the young schoolteacher who told me of her troubled days, sadly she assures me that it's an all too common problem. The previous day she had to have words with a youngster who had been disruptive in class and was bullying smaller kids. Within five minutes of the end of the school day the child's mother burst into the school and threatened the young teacher with violence. This she told me was the reason she had decided to take a taxi home that night rather than walk home. I was appalled by this crazy situation but even more appalled when I realised that I had picked her up from a primary school. This means that the little dears she teaches range in age from four up to eleven

Secret Sign

This sign amuses me no end, talk about contradictory eh! But believe it or not it is a real sign pointing the way to an Essex tourist attraction. Take a look here

Clip-Clop

Normally forecourt fuel prices drop sharply as summer draws to a close.
But this year the cost of a litre fell by only one penny last month – compared to eight pence the previous year.
With the price of crude oil hitting $82 a barrel in the USA, the prediction is for pump prices to rise rather than fall over the next few months.
Added to this, the Government has imposed a 2 pence increase in fuel duty.
With darker evenings and worsening weather adding to fuel consumption from use of wipers, heaters and lights this all adds up to bad news for the taxi trade
October’s tax increase is the second in a year and the Treasury will no doubt press ahead with the rise, despite pleas from motoring groups to shelve it.
It.s said that Gordon Brown, then Chancellor, failed to take into consideration the volatility of oil prices when he prepared his last Budget.
So if anyone knows of a horse going cheap, which doesn't eat too much and is good in traffic let me know. I'll find myself a set of shafts and yoke it up to the taxi, only thing is that if the treasury find out they will no doubt start taxing hay.

Crime Wave

Lots of my fares have been commenting on the mini crime boom that we seem to be having here in Barrow lately. But what with two stabbings a house fire blamed on arson and a death blamed on allegedly poison heroin who can blame them. I always try to point out to my passengers, especially the older folk that if you look closer at these type of incidents they all have a few things in common. Firstly they usually take place at the dead of night when most sensible folk are tucked up safe and sound in bed. And mostly these cases involved people who know each other, it's not something which is happening between random strangers. But the most reassuring thing is that arrests have been made within hours. We really should be thankful that things are nowhere near as bad as in some of our bigger city's.
A father and his teenage daughter who were passengers today told me their story which confirmed that for me even more. They had moved to Barrow from London after being victims of crime on an almost weekly basis. The father who had lived here many years ago had packed in a well paid job to move, so that he could give his family some quality of life. The daughter who you would expect to be missing the bright lights of London was loving it here. She said "I can actually go out and have a social life." The father then got a bit choked up as he told me that the lass had been mugged twice outside her own front door, with even the trainers being stolen of her feet the last time.

Wacky Baccy

"I smoke mackrel"says the painted sign on a town centre back door. Who or what is Mackrel I wonder? Any ideas anyone?

Horny Women

What is it nowadays with women and car horns? The slightest indiscretion "real or imagined" from another driver, be they male or female and it's an outraged long loud blast on the horn.
Some seem to regard it as some sort of weapon which will remove all obstacles and annoyances from their path.
The worst culprits and by far the most annoying are the small orange skinned bottle blonde's driving oversize 4x4s, who are in a rush to get to the beauty salon. Most blokes would never use their horns like this, they know that theirs always a chance that some big hairy trucker may take offence and decide to relocate the horn somewhere less comfortable. But the growing band of female honkers seem to think that somehow their being members of the fairer sex will protect them from road rage. It may work with chivalrous softies like me but as we all know not everybody's like me. It only takes a blast on the horn directed at someone who has been on a diet of super strength steroids and it could be your last toot.

Marooned

Well here we go again, local drivers had just got used to Barrow's Holker St being back open after seven long months and they go and shut it again. Even worse is the fact that drivers get no advance warning signs,thus giving them the chance to avoid the area by using Ainslie St. Everybody gets stuck in the same diversion as last time which takes you down some of the bumpiest worst maintained streets in town.
One of our longest established garages "Pye Motors"a main Ford dealer, no less is again marooned with no passing trade and this time having to use a well hidden temporary access. Surely they must have lost a considerable amount of trade for the seven months that Holker St was closed last time, but this time it would take a really determined customer to find their way into the garage.
Although the new Abbey road Rawlinson street junction is a big improvement, I think that maybe some Barrow drivers aren't yet ready for this big city style junction. With it being a phased filter light junction some drivers just seem to catch a glimpse of green and through they go not noticing that the light for their lane is on red. The other silly trick some are doing is to set off when the cars alongside do, without even looking at the lights. I have seen lots of near misses lately and guess I will see a lot more until locals get used to this, for some complicated junction.

Sheddies

For years blokes worldwide seeking to escape nagging wifes and life's tribulations have hidden away in the solitary, cobwebbed gloom of their garden sheds. But over in Australia hobby handymen are flocking to take up tools at communal sheds across the country. What a great idea, and one that we should be adopting over here. Instead of pottering alone, men gather in groups, drilling and hammering while setting the world to rights over frequent mugs of tea. More than 200 such community sheds have sprung up over the past decade, and many more are planned. The 10,000-strong "men's shed movement" is one of the fastest-growing interest groups in the country, and officials are sitting up and taking notice. Not only do the sheds provide a practical community support network, they also give their users a potential health boost. The Sheddies, as they are known, are mainly older handymen, most of them retired and some widowed. For the men, tackling a spot of woodwork at a communal shed seems to lift their spirits and provides them with a new group of "mates." Saws, screwdrivers and drills hang along the walls, alongside try squares, trays of nails and an array of power tools. Its regular users make toys for hospitals, games for retirement homes and repair furniture for community groups. "The woodwork and other hobby's are the excuse, not the reason, why men come here," said one of the organisers "They come for companionship, even though they may not admit it. I have seen amazing changes in these blokes"Talking becomes easier." At the frequent brew times tools are downed and the men perch on stools to drink tea and talk. Half an hour later they are hard at work again, the sound of sawing punctuated by laughter. Barry Golding, a professor of education at Ballarat University in Victoria, who has completed the first comprehensive study of men's sheds, described it as the most exciting research he had undertaken. "It's a myth that men don't talk - they do if they are given the right opportunity," he said. "Sheds give men licence to celebrate being men and to be sensitive and supportive about each other. "If you put up a sign that says Men's Health Centre, men won't come. If you put up a sign that says Men's Learning Centre, men won't come. But if the sign says Men's Shed, then people will come. And that's when the magic begins."

Stolen Goods

Nine thirty on a Sunday morning and my fares emerge tumbling and laughing like two kids from a local all night house party. Two guys one from Australia and the other from New Zealand and both built like brick outhouses, the car sat down and the springs groaned when they fell into the back seats.
"What you get mate come on lets see" said the Aussie, the Kiwi laughing puts his hand inside his shirt and pulls out a bath towel. "Well I guess I win then, you won't beat this mate" he says to the Aussie, then puts the towel on his head like an Arab headdress and starts to whoop loudly. "Oh yeah" says the Aussie and starts rummaging under his clothes, after a struggle he produces a large round kitchen wall clock. After arguing for a while about who the winner was they decided that I should be the final judge. I protested that "I didn't know what I was supposed to be judging" and that "I wanted nowt to do with stolen goods." "No mate you've got it wrong" said the Aussie and went on to tell me that they went to friends house party's most weekends and it had become a standing joke that they secretly borrowed items. The next week the householders were invited to another house party where the possessions would be on show, and bets were taken about how long before they spotted them. "Now then who wins" they demanded, both were big bruisers so I had no easy option.
Looking in the rear view mirror and taking a last look at my full set of teeth and my face with its carefully cultured lived in look, I made the choice. The Kiwi with the towel still on his head took on the solemn look of a bewigged high court judge and announced "yeah fair do's mate the clocks the winner"

Dozy Doors

Well I nearly lost one of my back passenger doors again today. And yet again the culprit was gossiping on a mobile phone, and just threw the door wide open without looking or as it seems to me even caring. But I wonder just how many people realise that they can be prosecuted for opening passenger doors carelessly.
They tell me that the offence consists of opening, causing or permitting a car door to be opened so as to cause injury or danger to any person. And yes that does mean by a passenger as well as the driver. And even if a child opened the door and his parent was present and knew the child was about to open the door, then the parent could be charged with permitting the offence. Or if junior opened the door on the say so of a parent then mummy or daddy could be guilty of causing the offence.
The prosecution does not have to prove carelessness; nor that someone was actually struck or injured. It is enough if the act caused danger. And danger it certainly does cause, just ask the poor old lass who was hit on the knees by a carelessly thrown open car door in Barrow town centre last week. And before you ask; no it wasn't a taxi it was one of those dreaded blue badge parking hogs.

Polski Sklep

We may be located at the end of a thirty mile cul-de-sac but it can't be denied that multiculturalism is finally hitting Barrow in a big way. This has been proved by the opening of Barrows first Polish grocery shop on Rawlinson St. This could be a big hit with the local Polish community, such as the two lads I picked up last week from Tesco who were as pleased as punch with the Polish beer they had found on sale there. Luckily most Barrovians seem to have a soft spot for the Polish folk and seem to make them welcome. Let's hope that the goodwill doesn't wear thin when we get the predicted big influx expected next year when construction starts on the huge new BAE building. But it's not just Polish folk who are recent arrivals to Barrow.
Just last week my fares included Polish, Nigerians, Lithuanians, Portuguese, Malaysians, Thai and a gem of a lady from Tobago, who insisted on a formal introduction and shaking hands before getting in the cab.

Tiddlers

It's funny how you seem to forget just how much more traffic hits the roads when the school term starts again. I find I even have to take different routes to avoid the worst of the peak time jams. But of course their was no way of avoiding the traffic when I ended up on some school runs myself. Most seemed to be the poor kids who were moving up from junior to senior, or as they seem to call themselves now high school. These poor nervous kids stick out a mile, freshly scrubbed and looking uncomfortable in their brand new school uniforms. I always feel sorry for them; after all it's a big step to go from being one of the bigger kids in the junior playground, to being just a tiddler surrounded by sharks. But the happy smiling mothers seemed to waste no time in making the most of their renewed freedom. Lots of runs to the shops, and I haven't seen the queue for taxis outside the bingo halls as big for months.

Not Welcome

Traffic wardens, no matter whether you love or loathe them you must admit at the end of the day they do a necessary job. This is easily proved if you take a look round the town centre on a Sunday. Especially round the back of Barrow's Portland Walk down the Preston St area. Drivers know that local traffic wardens don't work on the Sunday and take full advantage of it. But some of the careless obstructive parking has to be seen to be believed. Many a time I have been unable to drive down to the Preston St club to pick up a fare, all because of some avid Sunday shopper dumping their car in the middle of the road to save walking an extra two or three yards.
But a parking attendant at one of our local superstores solved the mystery of why no taxis hang around on the Tesco car park for me. I had just dropped of at the store and knew that I would be given a fresh job within minutes. The car park was fairly empty and so I pulled into a nearby space to wait. Within thirty seconds the parking attendant who it seems works for a separate company, but have the contract to control the car park, was over. Now it's pretty obvious by the door signs and plates that I was in a taxi. And it's even more obvious that I was working by the fact that I was sat in the taxi having just dropped of at the store. I was therefore surprised when he entered my number into his machine. Seeing me watching him he walked up to me and informed me that he had taken my number, I shrugged and said "OK no problem but why." He gleefully told me that "if he spotted me again, anywhere on his car park within the next five hours he would give me a ticket." Charming eh! But strangely the same firm operate the rival Morrison's supermarket and taxis are welcome there. And I should think so too after all we are a vital service to their customers.

Smarten Up

I'm wondering how long it is before Barrow council follows the example of Blackpool's public protection committee. Firstly they are proposing introducing an age limit for vehicles of ten years, they say this is to cut down on harmful emissions and so improve air quality.
But it's the proposals for a stricter dress code that interest me, especially when looking round at some of our local drivers whose workgear consists of everything that they are talking about banning. The proposals are to ban "T-shirts bearing offensive logos, football shirts and baseball caps"drivers will be able to wear shorts as long as they are tailored.
Well if they introduce those rules around here I can see a lot of local drivers having to buy a complete new wardrobe. The charity shops will be full of XXL size three quarter pants and slightly gravy stained football tops.
But where they go too far is the silly idea of compulsory display of "How am I driving?" signage and a telephone hotline. Thats just asking for every crank and stresshead driver to call and let off steam every time a cab stops to pick up a fare in the road. Take for instance the overwrought driver who actually stopped and got out of his car today and pointed down at the double yellow lines under my cab. Yes we all know they mean no parking, but if he checked the highway code he would find it also says "except for the loading and alighting of passengers." Still I suppose it would keep yet another well salaried council official busy answering the phone.
Blackpool council are to vote on introducing these rules in the next week, and if it is passed some drivers are talking about strike action.

Golden Showers

The last two or three days have seen a big surge of visitors to this site. I decided to follow the link that is dragging hundreds of new visitors from all over the world here. Well ohh! my god when I clicked on the back link it turns out that someone posted a link on a strange message board. It seems that these visitors take more than a passing interest in panty wetting. Well I suppose it takes all sorts, whatever floats your boat, but myself I find it all a bit weird. Even more so, when I reread the post from last April that seems to be such a turn on for them. I for the life of me just can't see what the attraction is check it out here. Oh by the way the title "Golden Showers" is a deliberate ploy to see if attracts any more strange fish.

Sat-Nav Sign

'Don't trust sat-nav', new signs warn

A council has put up a sign warning lorry drivers to ignore their satellite navigation systems after faulty sat-nav directions caused traffic chaos.
Vale of Glamorgan Council in South Wales is the first in the UK to use visual signs warning drivers not to believe sat-nav advice after once peaceful villages were reduced to bedlam when heavy-goods lorries got stuck in tiny country lanes.
Now a sign aimed largely at foreign drivers has been put up on the outskirts of the village of St Hilary.
"The proliferation of satellite navigation aids used in heavy goods vehicles, and their over-reliance, especially by overseas drivers, has presented itself as a problem within the Vale of Glamorgan," a spokesman for the council's highways department said.
They are continuing with their journey only to find, after travelling some distance, they cannot proceed any further.
"Manoeuvring becomes difficult and the vehicle eventually blocks the road for a significant period of time."
In a bid to overcome the problem, a county engineer designed a pictorial sign aimed at foreign lorry drivers.
The sign was later approved by the Welsh Assembly and has now been put up outside the village for a trial period.
"There have been numerous situations where HGVs have become lost and stuck in the village of St Hilary, even though there are signs at the junction of the A48 informing such drivers that the route is unsuitable.
"If the signs prove successful following the trial period, then they will be used at other locations throughout Wales."