Naughty Nurse.

Eyes were popping and jaws were dropping down Rawlinson St way early this Saturday morning. It seems that one of Friday’s revellers was on her weary way home after a long night on the tiles. But the night out must have had a fancy dress theme and the lass was wearing what looked like a naughty Nurses outfit, complete with short skirt, stockings and suspenders. Not that I looked of course, but my taxi steering seemed to lock and ended up taking me round the block a time or two. As she reached the two garages on Rawlinson St, work ground to a standstill and swarms of eager mechanics rushed out knocking each other over to try and get a better view. Luckily my steering seemed to have righted itself because I had to take avoiding action as two cars and a milk float drifted to the wrong side of the road and straight at me. Yes 9am Saturday morning is definitely not a good time to be seen dressed like that, some of the poor guys looked as if they might need the services of a genuine nurse after that shock. Maybe she will be sensible next time and get a taxi home!

Cool Granny

This auld lass just doesn't bat an eyelid when nearly flattened by a car. A real cool gran eh!

Fastest Limo

The world's fastest limousine - a 170mph stretch Ferrari - is facing the chop after the supercar maker threatened legal action - for infringing its trademark.

The car, which is rented out for £700 an hour, was created by owner Dan Cawley and former McLaren carbon fibre expert Chris Wright.

It took over a year to convert the £130,000 black 360 Modena, which was bought second hand for £55,000. The project was completed in September 2007. It claimed the Guinness World Record for fastest limousine - at 166mph - six months ago.

Surprisingly, the car returns an average of 15mpg on the motorway and costs only £1,800 a year to comprehensively insure for passenger-carrying duties.

Stunned owner Dan Cawley has been ordered to remove all badges from the 20ft-long, 400bhp limo and told never to modify a Ferrari again.

Lawyers claim that since he cut the 360 Modena in half and stretched it with a 9.5ft section of hand-built carbon fibre, it is no longer a Ferrari. But Dan claims he approached Ferrari UK before he began the £200,000 conversion and was told he could "do what he liked" as the car was his own property.

It is now 20ft long and seats eight people - but has lost little of its performance because it weighs just 160kg more than the original 1390kg car.

The 3.6 litre V8 engine launches the car from 0 to 60mph in under six seconds and has a top speed of around 166mph - just 17mph less than the standard 183mph car.

Dan who is from Manchester, has been given 14 days to remove all prancing horse badges, Ferrari names and 360 Modena symbols. He has also been told never to refer to the car as a Ferrari again, and never to modify another of their cars.

Dan is now taking legal advice to fight the supercar giant. He said: "What kind of precedent does it set when you can't do what you like with your own property?

"We built this as a supercar for the masses, so ordinary people could get the chance to have a ride in something they'd normally only dream of. Now that opportunity could be snatched away from them.

"I'm not being bullied into this. We have to fight on behalf of all limo builders and car tuners out there." The car, which is rented out for £700 an hour, was created by Dan and former McLaren carbon fibre expert Chris Wright.

It took over a year to convert the £130,000 black 360 Modena, which was bought second hand for £55,000. The project was completed in September 2007. It claimed the Guinness World Record for fastest limousine - at 166mph - six months ago.

Surprisingly, the car returns an average of 15mpg on the motorway and costs only £1,800 a year to comprehensively insure for passenger-carrying duties.

Nun

A cabbie is flagged down by a nun late one night.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies:

“I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answers,

“My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

She responds,” Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says,” Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”

“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”

The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

“My dear child,” says the nun, “why are you crying?” “Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun says, “That’s OK My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party

Sober Weekend

Over the weekend I picked up a visiting young Asian couple from Barrow's railway station and took them to a local hotel. They were just staying for a couple of days and asked me what they should do and see. Of course I told them all about Furness Abbey, the Dock Museum and Dalton Wildlife Park. Then they asked me about the local nightlife and I started to list all our local fleshpots. After I had given them the long list of pubs and nightclubs, they asked a question which completely threw me. "We don't drink alcohol at all" they informed me "are these places OK for non drinkers?" Now we have to admit that Barrow is a hard drinking town and younger folk’s idea of a night out involves gallons of booze. So apart from the movies there was nowhere else that I could recommend to them which wouldn't involve alcohol. But they said they would risk it and soberly throw themselves to the tender mercies of Barrow's Gaza strip, and then the boat afterwards, and hope for the best. By sheer chance I happened to pick them up the next day after they had enjoyed a visit to our local wildlife park. I of course asked them how the big night out on the town went. They both started to laugh and said it was great and “it was exactly the same as going round the zoo that they had just visited." So there you have it, next time you want an entertaining evening stay sober and check out the wildlife in the pubs and clubs of Barrow.

Tin Town

Most local folk were surprised by the sudden closure of Barrow’s ten pin bowing alley recently. But when you stand back and take a closer look round Hollywood Park, the retail and Entertainment Park it was located on, then maybe it’s not so surprising. The whole place has the feel of a badly built film set for a budget spaghetti western, or some hastily constructed temporary sheep shearing station deep in the Australian outback. Surely our town deserves better than this rusting collection of tin sheds. Even the lampposts are badly designed, being flat on top and ideal for the local seagulls to perch atop ready to swoop on unsuspecting al-fresco diners. Staff members who have to work in these poorly insulated tin sheds tell me that they are baked in summer and have to freeze in winter. Yes I’m afraid that our town’s bigwigs have got a lot to answer for by allowing this shanty town to be thrown up in the first place. The only thing which isn’t a joke about the place are the over inflated rents they have the cheek to charge for these places. The only businesses which can afford these shacks are the big multi nationals, local firms simply couldn’t afford it.

Fare Fall Out

A TAXI driver has been convicted of dangerous driving involving an incident in which a passenger jumped from his cab and died.
Avtar Mander was originally charged with causing death by dangerous driving but that charge was dismissed by a judge before it came to trial.
However on Friday he stood trial at Luton Crown Court on the charge of dangerous driving before a jury who were never told the full tragic consequences of the night's events.
The Judge said Mander was not responsible for the death of 20-year-old Oliver Livings, from Langford, but said: "As a taxi driver there is a higher duty of care to your passengers which you ignored."
Mander, 40, of Letchworth, who had been a taxi driver for 14 years, was fined £500 and banned from driving for a year. He must also pay £2,500 costs.
Prosecutor Maurice Aston told the jury that in the early hours of August 5, 2006 five young men hired a cab after a night out in Hitchin to take them home to Langford. They negotiated a price of £30 with Mander.
He stopped at a social club where they wanted to be dropped off, but after three got out he had the impression he was not going to be paid and decided to drive the remaining two to a police station.
The seven-seater taxi had sliding doors and he drove off with the door in the open locked position. He called police en route and the tape of the call was played to the jury.
Mr Livings could be heard remonstrating with the driver.
The other remaining passenger, Elliott Owen, said he had not been aware of any intention not to pay the fare, although he had no money on him at the time.
"Oliver was telling the driver to calm down and that we would give him his money but then he jumped from the taxi. The taxi went faster. My initial reaction was shock. The driver did not say anything."
But he said the driver did calm down and pulled up a little further on when the door was closed.
Mander claimed he was acting under duress.
Geoffrey Birch, defending, said: "He was faced with an unexpected situation and in the heat of the moment made the decision to drive to the police station. He was putting the matter in the hands of the law and doing the right thing. However things then went very wrong.
"He either drove without checking the door was secure or without giving any thought to that matter.

Cover Up

A COUNCIL has been accused of acting like “Big Brother” because it has banned pictures of scantily clad women from being used on local taxis.
Cosmetic surgery chain MYA (Make Yourself Amazing) applied to Newcastle City Council to use its designs, which include pictures of models in bikinis, on the exterior of the city’s Hackney Carriages.
But MYA’s designs have been rejected by the council on the grounds that they would be too distracting for motorists.
The designs were sent to the council for approval this week with plans to launch the advertising scheme today, and keep the contract running for an indefinite period in order to raise MYA’s profile in Newcastle.
MYA Cosmetic Surgery, who say their advertising campaigns celebrate the beauty of the female form, have one of their flagship clinics situated on the Newcastle Quayside, and already have a number of their own vehicles with similar branded designs.
MYA Chairman and owner of Doncaster Rovers football club, John Ryan, said he was disappointed with the council’s decision.
He said: “This is such a shame for us and we are quite frankly stunned at the council’s decision.
“We were very excited about increasing our awareness in the Newcastle area. What is going to be next for Newcastle? Are women going to be banned from walking on pavements?”
And local taxi driver Paul Allen also said he felt Newcastle Council had overreacted to the designs. He said: “I have seen certain branded cars with ladies wearing not much on the side.
“It is not like they’re naked and it has never made me take my eyes off the road. It is like Big Brother – women on the streets may be forced to cover up. How far do you go?”

A spokesman said: “Newcastle City Council has a duty to protect the safety of other road users. We believe this particular image, which is white and appears prominently on the rear of a vehicle, would distract other drivers and cause accidents.”

Fine Mess

A TAXI driver who couldn't resist a quick smoke in his cab found himself in court - and a whooping £715 out of pocket.
Basildon magistrates heard on November 2 last year, a Council official spotted Alan Cross smoking in his taxi on the Grays railway station rank. He was warned he faced a fine or possible prosecution.
Later the same day, he was again seen smoking by five witnesses, the court was told. After that, the council suspended his taxi licence.
Cross, 47, failed to attend court, claiming he had not been notified and was still preparing the case for his defence.
He admits the first offence, but claims he was nowhere near the rank when officials claim the second offence was committed. He says he is the victim of mistaken identity.
In his absence, Cross was found guilty of smoking in a taxi - an offence against the 2006 Health Act - and failing to comply with the request of an officer.
He was fined £300 and ordered to pay costs of £400, plus a £15 victim surcharge.
He said: "Every lunchtime, when this is alleged to have happened, I'm not on the rank. I'm taking my wife to or from work, depending on her shift.
"Through my solicitor, I applied for an adjournment, but we didn't hear anything until the local newspaper rang to tell me what had happened in court. I'm stunned and angry. I have not had my day in court and I have been hit with a ridiculous fine."
A councilor responsible for community protection, said: "The council takes the protection of residents very seriously and is under an obligation to act against those who flout the law."

Circles

As our new Walney Road one way system moves ever nearer to its disastrous completion drivers are biting their fingernails in dread of the coming chaos. But when this monumental waste of time and £2.5m in cash is finally completed what can we look forward to next on Barrow's roads. Surely the planners and well padded committee members from the grim and distant far north of the county must have some other fiendish road delay schemes in the pipeline. But of course we won't have to worry about that because just as in the past we won't be consulted or asked about how our taxes are spent on our behalf. Perhaps it's all part of some devilish plan to divert us into driving round in circles whilst they get on with taking all the government funding and the best jobs for the top part of the county. But I would say that instead of dreaming up ever more silly road “improvement" schemes that a look should be taken at some of our older one way systems. For instance we have a one way system on Barrow Island which was designed many, many years ago to prevent the streets being used as rat runs by the hordes of workers leaving the nearby shipyard gates. But the lords and masters up in Carlisle won't be aware that this, as any local will tell you is now just a dim and distant memory. Most of the nearby shipyard gates are long sealed and pedestrian only, and the dwindled workforce is now based away from the island at the Devonshire Dock Hall. So how much longer should we have to suffer driving round in silly little circles causing needless pollution and wasting expensive fuel. Let’s have a comprehensive review of our older traffic systems before we adopt any more madcap schemes, after all times and traffic have changed eh!

Death Road

We tend to moan about the state of our local roads, no matter where we live in the world, but if we had to travel this highway of hell every day we would have something to moan about eh! Commonly referred to as “Death Road”, the only route western route into La Paz, Bolivia, this road gets its name from its extreme nature. Narrowing to only five or six feet in certain areas with a total elevation drop of 3000m in only 80km, Death Road has certainly earned its reputation. Fatalities can exceed over 100 annually. The road is frighteningly tight, slippery and extremely bumpy thanks to a scattering of rocks on its surface. Despite all of the danger, the scenery is breathtaking. The beautiful waterfalls easily draw the driver’s attention away from the 400m drops over the edge. Surprisingly, the majority of the traffic fatalities are a result of head-on collisions rather than falls. At the height of its infamy, Death Road averaged 400 deaths per year. Mmm not for me thanks, I wouldn't use it, not even at double the usual fare.

Foul Air

On the opening day of Tesco’s brand new Roose Metro store I happened to get a job picking up from there. They had a band playing and they were dishing out free champagne to the first shoppers. As I pulled up outside I expected to see lot’s of happy smiling faces. But no the gathered dignitaries and shoppers looked as if they were gagging and some held their noses and were a sickly shade of green. Was the champagne off, or were the nibbles stale? The answer hit me when I rolled down the window to call out my fares name. It seems that the local Salthouse Pool sewerage works had picked that day of all days to release a stomach churning stench to foul the proceedings. I bet the phone lines to United Utilities were red hot that morning.

I Don't Do Domestics

Sunday afternoon and I pull up to pick-up outside a local pub, just like I have done many hundreds of times before. All seems well as the couple walk up and he gets in the front and she slides into the back seat. I ask where too as usual and then think the guy is joking when he says calmly “I don’t want her in the taxi with me throw her out please.” Still thinking he is joking I smile and ask “where too” again and the lady shouts loudly “yeah where too, you two timing rat.” When I look in the rear view I see that the lady has been bawling and that her eye make-up had ran making her look like Amy Winehouse on a bad day. It’s then that the horrible truth dawns on me; I have been hijacked into a full blown domestic. It seems that she had followed him to the pub and was trying to catch him out misbehaving. Both seemed to have had more than a drop to drink and soon all hell was let loose as they started to argue. Both tried to get me involved, but as any taxi driver will tell you the unwritten rule is that you never ever get involved in domestics. After much shouting they both got out the cab, and then promptly got back in again, and then out and then in. After the fifth time I held my hand out to the guy and he handed me some cash. With that I was off leaving them both stood on the pavement arguing furiously away. All of this was very much to the amusement of the watching nicotine addicts chuffing away on the pub car park. I just don’t do domestics, but still I wish more passengers would pay me for doing nothing.

Jack Frost Pop

I took a stroll down Barrow's Dalton road this week, and I have to admit to being the usual downtrodden Barrovian male standing outside the shops whilst the missus goes inside for seemingly days at a time. After getting fed - up of dodging dive bombing pigeons and ould lasses trying to lame me with wheeled shopping trolleys (why do they always have a tartan pattern eh?) I was tempted by the bargain basement style of shop which has recently opened, and entered for a browse. A huge display of brightly coloured bottles caught my eye and I homed in for a closer look presuming that it was a soft drink of some kind. But no it turned out to be 2.5 litres that’s 5.283 pints of strong white cider for less than £2.50p. Unbelievable that’s less than 50p a pint, that works out cheaper than some leading brand soft drinks. And at 7.5 percent alcohol, getting steaming drunk for less than £2. 50p would be child’s play. But looking at the packaging and advertising logos it’s hard not to get the impression that that’s the market the stuff is aimed at.

When I got home I went online and did a search for the brand name and was shocked to see what appears to be spoof profiles’ advertising the stuff on the social networking site Bebo. This site is mainly used by school kids, and going by the language and style of the pages this is just the target audience they are aiming for. This just seems to be a cheap cynical way of getting round the ban on advertising alcohol to kids. Let’s hope a stop is soon put to this blatant glamorising of cheap booze to children. Check out the pages here and here see what you think.

School Punch Up

The talking point locally for the last few months or so has been Cumbria County Council plans to shut Thorncliffe, Alfred Barrow and Parkview schools and replace them with a single 1,200-pupil academy. Even when the plans were first made public most local folk I talked to about it were dead set against the idea. But just as predicted by a lot of my passengers, and despite strong public opposition, the authority’s cabinet unanimously backed the plans and agreed it should proceed with a process to shut the secondary schools in August 2009. The council says it wants to transform the secondary system to improve standards and buildings. But most local folk remain unimpressed and the feeling is as one of my passengers put it “it’s just like a factory really, and the bigger the factory the cheaper the processing cost per; unit produced.” Unfortunately in this case the units in question happen to be our local schoolchildren. Others fares point out the traffic chaos near the proposed site at school starting and leaving times already, and predict total gridlock and an increase in traffic accidents. Some parents tell me that they will struggle to find the cash to fund the expensive new school uniform that will no doubt be required, especially those with several kids. But the last word goes to some of the older kids I take to and from the affected schools. They tell me that all the schools involved have always had a fierce rivalry towards each other, and as one put it “we all fight out of school, so when they mix us all together in one school it will be one big constant punch up.”

Stella Versus Facecream

Husband and wife are shopping in Tesco's when the man picks up a crate of Stella and sticks it into the trolley

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife

"They're on offer, only £10 for 12 bottles", he says

"Put them back. We can't afford it," says the wife and they carry on shopping...

A few aisles later the woman picks up a £20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the trolley.

"What do you think you're doing?" asks the man,

"It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," she says

the man replies... "SO DOES TWELVE BOTTLES OF STELLA, AND IT'S HALF THE FLIPPING PRICE"

Ferry Hotel Roadblock

The residents of Walney island, known locally as Walneyites are up in arms. Local watering hole and well known landmark the Ferry Hotel has undergone a recent major facelift,and very nice it looks too. But during the refit bollards have been installed to reduce the car park entrances from two down to one. So instead of driving in one way and out the other drivers now have to manoeuvre to turn round on the car park and it's sometimes very busy beer garden. Locals say that they have actually blocked what they consider to be part of a road which has been in use for many decades. Members of the boat club which is at the rear of the ferry tell me that this will make getting their larger boats in and out of the club a lot more difficult. Who knows who is in the right, but I do know that it makes life a bit harder when dropping and picking up at the now very popular pub and restaurant.

Softies

It was proven beyond doubt that we Barrovians are all a bunch of softies this afternoon. There laying smack in the middle of Greengate Street, which is one of Barrow’s busiest main roads was a beautiful big bouquet of yellow roses. How they got there is a mystery, maybe someone accidentally left them on the roof of their car whilst unlocking it. As I passed I swerved slightly to avoid driving over them, maybe the owner would realise and come back for them. But surely they wouldn’t last too long in this heavy traffic, what a shame I thought. But at least two hours later, having forgotten all about them I drove up towards Greengate Hill again. Stopped at the traffic lights at the bottom of the hill I was perplexed to see all the cars coming down the hill do a little swerve at the top of the hill. Surely not, after what must have been hundreds of Buses, trucks and cars passing by, I thought the flowers will be well and truly crushed into the tarmac by now. But no, when I reached the top of the hill there they lay totally unscathed.

One

The price of private number plates climbed to crazy new heights today when a wealthy Arab bought the registration “1” - for a record £7milion.

“I bought it because it’s the best number,” said Saeed Khouri, a member of a prominent Abu Dhabi family that made its fortune in property.

“I bought it because I want to be the best in the world.”

Khouri refused to reveal how many cars he owned and which one of them will carry the record-breaking single digit plate.

The reg is one of a series of unique number plates which the United Arab Emirates state auctioneers in this oil-rich Gulf country began auctioning off since last May.

But unlike ordinary car plates issued to drivers here and most other vanity series plates which carry both Arabic and Western numerals and script, defining the issuing city and country, Khouri’s plate had only the Western numeral and no letters.

The record sale surpassed that of its predecessor, an Emirate license plate that had just “5” on it - also no Arabic numerals or letters, after Talal Khouri, who is no relation to Saeed, plopped down £3.4million for it at an earlier auction, the plate adorned his prized Rolls-Royce

The reg is one of a series of unique number plates which the United Arab Emirates began auctioning off since last May.

Paper Trail

What a total mess I found around the area of Barrow's Hollywood park over the weekend. All the roads and verges leading from the retail and entertainment park for about a half mile radius or so were heavily littered with brightly coloured cartons and paper and plastic wrappers. All of them can be easily traced back to the nearby takeaway and drive- thru fast food outlets. I would guess that it's not just a local thing but happens countrywide anywhere near this type of retail and Entertainment Park. We all know that folk should clean up after themselves and not drop litter but it's a fact of life that once out of view from the CCTV cameras a lot of the rubbish is thrown straight out of the car window. The actual car park is kept clean by hard-working staff who must sometimes feel that they are trying to sweep back the incoming tide. But the surrounding area is in a total mess and brings disgrace to the whole town. Surely these multinational, global trading fast food businesses should be made to pay to have the whole area cleaned up; after all it is their rubbish.

Look Alike

Early on Sunday morning and three separate fares that I picked up asked me the same question. "Was it you that picked me up last night?" Nothing that I told them about not working the previous night could convince them that it wasn't me that picked them up. Two of them actually tried to carry on the conversation that they thought that they had with me the night before. Have I got a double who works the nights driving a similar taxi maybe? Well no, I know for a fact that none of the night drivers are anywhere near as good looking as me, that's why they only work in the dark eh! But I have come across this before, and have come to the conclusion that if we had a look-alike competition for taxi drivers with drunks for judges, we would all win first prize. Yes the truth of the matter is that whatever the shape, size colouring, whether they be bald or hairy all taxi drivers look alike to drunks. The thing is though it only seems to work the next morning when they are still under the influence of the drink. Which when you think about it can sometimes be a good thing, some folk we pick-up will be in a sorry drunken state and tell us all sorts of embarrassing secrets. But when we pick them up a day or two later even though we recognise them, they just don't have a clue who it was that took their guilty confession.

Hot Air

Myself I don't see this idea as being viable, the whole concept is riddled with problems. Lack of range being the biggest obstacle followed by weight/power ratios not quite adding up. But who knows, with a few more years of development it may just work. But lets just hope they make a model that isn't quite as ugly.

English Tests

TAXI drivers in Manchester face a test to prove they can chat with passengers in English and do basic sums.
The council is set to introduce the `basic skills assessment' for all new applicants for private hire and hackney - black cab - taxi licences. Candidates will have to prove they can respond appropriately to commonly-used expressions like `Can you drop me after the lights?' and `Can I have a receipt?'
They will also have to speak clearly on topics including recent journeys they have taken and their favourite places in England.
The council has indicated the oral exams will be in the form of a `relaxed conversation' with follow-up questions to prevent learning `parrot-fashion'. Candidates would be given multiple-choice maths questions, such as how much change should be given from a £20 note if the fare cost £9.30.
Those who fail the test will not be allowed to take the standard `knowledge' test, which assesses their ability to use an A-Z as well as their understanding of routes. The move, set to be approved as a 12-month pilot, will be paid for by adding £10 to the fee for applying for a new licence.
Groups representing drivers of black cabs welcomed the scheme, admitting members of the public had expressed concern about the standard of English of some drivers.
George Simms, of the Taxi Owners and Drivers Association, said: "People need to know drivers can be understood and make themselves clear. Probably the majority of taxi drivers now are from communities that do not have English as a first language."
Any candidate who failed would be helped in improving language or number skills. Existing drivers of black cabs and private-hire drivers will not be forced to take the exams. It currently costs £155 to apply for a black cab licence and £207 for a minicab plate.
A council spokesman said: "Taxi drivers are ambassadors for Manchester. The vast majority do an excellent job but we are considering the introduction of a basic skills assessment for new applicants as part of our focus on improving the experience of taxi customers."

Sad Faces

I see that Barrow shipyard boss Murray Easton tells us that Barrow needs to spruce up its image. He tells us “I love the area but Barrow does not have a good reputation in the rest of the country” and that “We need to look at our image and think how do we sell Barrow factually and forcibly to try and counter the image perceived by people in southern England.” Well I can’t argue with that, most of the Southern softies that I pick up are really surprised by how nice the area and its folk really are. But maybe he should take a look a closer look at the morale within the shipyard workforce itself. I pick these folk up every day and not one single one of them has any sort of enthusiasm for their workplace. Miserable faces and likening work to a prison sentence are the norm amongst the workforce, particularly those who work within the DDH. Why is this? Is it management style; is it work conditions, is it the industry itself, just what is the problem? Maybe if he had a happy workforce who went to work in the morning with the right attitude and with a smile on their faces, outsiders just may get a better impression of Barrow itself. Maybe they should have Japanese style morning exercises followed by chants of “yeah let’s go build a submarine” Eh!

Hire Brigade

Driving onto the Walney Road shopping estate which serves Barrows Asda supermarket amongst others, I was not too surprised to see a fire engine parked there. What after two major fires in the last year or so, the first of which destroyed both MFI and Allied Carpets, and the second badly damaging the large Matalan store, the place seems to be jinxed. Getting closer I was shocked to see that according to the sign writing on the fire engine the fire brigade now offered itself for hire at children's parties, stag and hen nights, weddings and special occasions. Well I know that finances are a bit low but isn't that going a bit far? But getting closer still I saw that the sign actually said "Hire Brigade" and not fire brigade as I had first thought; clever eh! It seems that this “Hire Engine” is the latest in the novelty hire trade which has sprung up round here. So if you have the cash and you don’t think that a bright pink stretch limo isn’t eye catching enough for you, this could be the answer, either that or there is an armoured troop carrier that is also available for hire locally. But like the real fire brigade the hire brigade will have to be brave men. A herd of screaming kids going to a party are bad enough but hen parties whoa no thanks. I can see the novelty of drunken women shouting “show us your hose” for the thousandth time and chubby bridesmaids asking for a fireman’s lift, wearing thin very quickly eh!

Clamped

The guys who wheel clamp untaxed vehicles on behalf of the DVLA were out in force round Barrow this week, the town was littered with cars immobilized by the big yellow steel triangles. Mind you the guys were grinning like Cheshire cats as they attached the clamp onto the expensive wheel of a shiny Porsche Boxter. Maybe it’s envy but somehow something about a fancy expensive motor being held hostage for non payment of road tax makes most folk smirk and snigger. That’s what I found as I watched other motorists drive past in their lesser cars staring, pointing and grinning at the posh cars predicament.

Seeing the Light

Well it seems that our Government has had bend to the will of the European Union again, with the result that all new cars are to be fitted with automatic daytime headlights within four years. The Government previously opposed the idea on the grounds that using lights in the daytime would increase fuel consumption and emissions, but conceded it was unable to oppose European legislation. Trying to soften the blow of having to kowtow to Europe, Jim Fitzpatrick, the road safety minister, tells us: “The UK has been successful in arguing against the introduction of mandatory use of dipped headlamps during daylight hours by drivers of existing vehicles. Nobody but a politician can call a defeat a success eh? “However, from early 2011 all new types of passenger cars and light vans will have to be fitted with dedicated daytime running lamps in accordance with the relevant European directive. By summer 2012, all new vehicles will have to be so fitted.” The move will anger motoring groups, which claim fuel consumption and carbon dioxide emissions increase by three per cent when drivers use dipped lights. But the European Commission says that the lights increase fuel consumption by only 0.3 per cent because they use separate bulbs that are less bright than headlights. The commission wants all European Union states to set a common date to make daytime running lights mandatory. About half of EU member states already require this already.

Gothic Revival

Saturday and it seemed like the first day of an early spring. And as usual when we get an unexpected bit of sunshine, folk were out and about in their droves. But after driving past the windy cavern in front of Barrow town hall, which is laughingly called our town square I couldn’t help but feel that something was missing. After several more trips past the bustling square which is overlooked by the Gothic splendour of the offices of our lords and masters, it slowly dawned on me. There seemed to be a distinct lack of black clothing and an unusual surplus of smiles and skateboards amongst the young uns that hang out around there most Saturdays. That was it; I couldn’t see any sign of the usual Gaggle of Goths. Not too long ago the town square looked like a crowd outside the crypt for a solemn Victorian funeral. What’s happened? It’s a grave situation. Has the Goth scene passed on, have all the young Goths metamorphosed into skater dudes? Or are they just too depressed to show their impossibly white faces. Have they gone for good or is this just a blip on the local fashion scene and they are trying to organize a Gothic revival.

The Busker

Heres a treat for you, take a look round the beautiful old city of Chester and listen to the electric violin played by Ed Alleyne-Johnson, who busk's the streets there most Saturday mornings.

Taxi Tales?

A channel 4 short documentary made by cazalineuk about a Liverpool cab driver. Strangely enough it's called Taxi Tales, what a good title eh!

BarrowCabs

BarrowCabs is a new site for Barrow taxi drivers run by a Barrow taxi driver. This site is independent of any taxi firm or office and is solely for the benefit of local taxi drivers, whether they be hackney or private hire. As well as a forum to discuss local issues it includes links to weather forecasts, roadwork’s, proposed and ongoing, Barrow council licensing conditions and links to loads of other useful stuff. Let's hope that this site is taken up and used by the local taxi community.

Pancake Day

Have we all forgotten about pancake Tuesday or Shrove Tuesday as it is sometimes known? This year it has fallen very early because of the early Easter, but even so this is the first year that none of my fares seemed to know about it. None of the shoppers I picked up from the local supermarkets had bought pancake mix or the traditional lemon juice to squeeze over them.

Now I learn that health and safety rules are beginning to put an end to the traditional sport of pancake racing.
A Cathedral pancake race that is part of a 600-year-old tradition has been stopped because of health and safety rules. The bell at Ripon Cathedral, which has rung at 11am to mark Shrove Tuesday since the 15^th century, has signalled the start of the city’s pancake race for many years.
However, the event, in which children, traders, soldiers and even clergy compete, has been abandoned because of the amount of work needed to carry out risk assessments.

In past years, the event, part of a long tradition of pancake races in Ripon, was likened to a village sports day, a last chance to have fun before the solemn season of Lent.

The race has been growing in popularity and even involved members of 38 Regt Royal Engineers, based in Ripon, who cook pancakes from a field kitchen outside the west front of the cathedral.

“We had hoped to make the pancake race as much of a tradition as the pancake bell and it’s a travesty that it has been killed off."

It’s sad isn’t it, and now surveys tell us that two thirds of people in the country no longer mark the Christian tradition of making pancakes.

Pancakes have featured in cookbooks since 1439. The custom of flipping or tossing them is believed to have started in the 17^th century. They are made from rich ingredients that include eggs and milk, which were used up in households before the 40 days of Lent during which only plain food should be eaten. I don’t know, folk will be telling me that they don’t even know that it’s Ash Wednesday on the day after Shrove Tuesday next eh!

Milk Run

Some taxi drivers say that they have had cows in the back of the cab, but I don't think they can beat this one eh!

Law or Religion?

For reasons which will become obvious I have had to be very careful how I worded this. No insult or slur is intended to any one race or religion. But this is a true story of an awkward predicament I was placed in. The fare was from the Furness General Hospitals staff quarters and was made up of two young ladies and a boy of seven or eight year’s age and a toddler of two or three. Because neither of the children was old or tall enough to legally ride in the front seat I naturally expected one of the lady’s to ride up front. This happened as expected, and we were just about to set off when a chap rushed over and tapped on the passenger window. The lady rolled down the window and a few stern words were exchanged in a language I couldn’t understand. The lady then got out of the taxi and exchanged seats with the young lad. I turned round to explain that he couldn’t sit up front but was met with blank faces. The young lad then tugged my sleeve and explained that he was the only one who spoke English. He pleaded for me to let him stay up front and explained what was going on. It seems that the man had reminded the lady that for religious reasons she could not sit up front with a male who was not related. The young lad was obviously embarrassed and like myself was in an awkward situation. Now then what do I do? Do I insult their obviously deeply held religious beliefs? Or do I risk breaking the UK traffic laws? What would you do? As I weighed the situation up I could see that the young lad was looking very worried and on the verge of tears. That clinched it” fasten your seatbelt “I said, after all don’t they say that laws are there to be broken eh! You know I found myself almost wishing that we would be stopped by the police. In these days of political correctness, and having to be in tune with religious sensibilities, just which way would it have gone I wonder?

Naughty Boys Club

It was obvious that my fare that I had picked up nice and early on this cold and dismal Sunday morning wasn’t that keen on having to venture out. He looked like he had been on the ale the previous night, and was suffering from a huge hangover. When I asked him where he was going he was definitely a bit shady about telling me. “Err in town somewhere by Cornwallis St and Hindpool Rd” he muttered. “You mean the naughty boys club then” I replied. Taken aback at being rumbled he looked at me in confusion, after a minute of thought he relaxed, nodded and smiled. The “naughty boys club” for those of you that don’t know is what the nickname is for the unpaid work or community service which offenders agree to do as part of their probation. This can consist of cleaning off graffiti, painting, gardening or environmental projects. None of these people are big time career criminals, it’s mainly drink related assaults and relatively minor offences. Naughty boys who work during the week have to fit the unpaid work in during their weekends. We get lots of naughty boys and even some naughty girls getting a taxi to the club, who ask to be dropped round the corner from the probation office, but since it’s the only place open round there on a Sunday morning we all know where they are going. Most folk won’t know it but the National Probation Service is interested in hearing from you with suggestions of what they could be doing to clean up your area. Sounds good to me, clean up your area and keep the naughty boys and girls nice and busy.

Hot Head

Mmm remind me not to ever decide to drive a taxi down in Wales, ever!

Down in the land of nervous sheep it seems that three people have been arrested in connection with an attack on a taxi driver who was actually set on fire.

Douglas Hall suffered mild burns to his head and face after being set alight by two men who were trying to steal his takings.

It happened after he went to collect a fare in Milford Haven on Friday night.

It is thought a liquid or gas was squirted into his face and set on fire.

Police in the town said Mr Hall had received a call requesting taxi to collect a fare from Cellar Hill off Pill Road on the outskirts of the town.

Mr Hall said when he arrived at the location he was approached by a man who demanded his money.

He was squirted over the head and face with some sort of accelerant which he was able to put out with his hands

“It is a location that is quite secluded and there were two males in the lane with hoodies.

“One approached the victim and asked him to hand over his money.”

Mr Hall refused and got out of the car pushing the man backwards.

It was then Mr Hall noticed another man standing on the other side of the road wearing a grey hooded top.

“He was then squirted over the head and face with some sort of accelerant which he was able to put out with his hands,” explained the police officer.

“He was very lucky. He has been injured but no where near as horrifically as it could have been.

It is believed the incident which happened, not late at night as you would think, but at 9: pm, had been premeditated.

“It was clearly thought about but thankfully incidents of this kind are few and far between,” said Ch Insp Richards.

Let’s hope it stays that way as well eh!

Speed Gun

Well going by the latest design for a speed camera pictured above it looks as if they are thinking of getting tough with offenders eh!

Hi-Miles

A Greek taxi driver is donating his record-breaking Mercedes car to the company’s museum in Germany. Gregorios Sachinides’ Mercedes 240D has clocked up a record-breaking 2.8m since he bought it in 1981. The mileage is the equivalent of six trips to the moon and back, or 82 times around the earth. Sachinides said he clocked up the miles driving around the streets of Thessaloniki, Greece’s second largest city. He said he also made hundreds of journeys to Belgrade to transport medical supplies during the Balkans war. He added he was so pleased with his car he wrote to company boss Juergen Hubbert to thank him personally for the outstanding service. Mercedes say they believe the mileage is the most ever put on one of their cars. Well he can’t say that he didn’t get value for his money then eh!

Trunk Monkey

I want a taxi with a trunk monkey please!

Art Event

In this cool video clip, an art event group brings 207 apparently normal people into Grand Central Station, whereupon they all freeze, at exactly the same instant, for five minutes, standing stock still, as though they were caught in some kind of time-loop. Around them, the Grand Central crowd looks on in wonderment, trying to figure out what's going on -- a little scared, but delighted too. When the frozen hundreds all begin to move again at the same instant, the crowd gives them a standing ovation.