Taxi Tales
Tales of the life and times of a taxi driver
Monday, January 16
Fuel Frustration
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Thursday, January 12
Arithmetic
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Wednesday, December 28
Walney Mosque
I had picked up from a local supermarket; my fare was a middle aged woman who started to whinge about everything and anything from the very moment she got into the taxi.
She was going to Walney island and on the way started to whinge about problems she had about the island, after a moan about the wind which is always prevalent over there she started on the subject of new folks moving on to the island. "The bloody p***i's are taking over the place" she moaned, "They are even taking over the bloody pubs," she cried.
She explained what she meant in a long racist rant which boiled down to that some Asians had taken on a local island pub the King Alfred and turned part of it into an Indian restaurant and renaming it the Mr Elephant, and then they had gone on to take over the George Hotel another island pub which has long been in decline.
Driving along Walneys promenade, she looked up towards what was a long abandoned church which has now been demolished apart from its bell tower and was covered by scaffolding.
“What are they doing there?” she asked pointing at the tower.
Instantly my evil alter ego kicked in and keeping a straight face, I lied to her that it was going to be the new mosque for all the muslins moving onto Walney.
Egged on by the look of sheer outrage on her face I went on to say that they had left the bell tower intact to convert to a minaret so that the call to prayer could be heard all over the island.
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Monday, December 12
Taxi Forums
www.cumbriataxiforums.co.uk
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Sunday, November 20
Porche Taxi
A Porche Taxi in Bangkok or so it seems this is a publicity stunt for Samsung.
Friday, October 14
Eyes bigger than the belly!
I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the hawk take the wood pigeon down in mid flight especially when I saw that it was about equal in size.
I stopped the taxi and did a hasty u-turn back to where the hawk had its intended meal pinned down and then zoomed in from across the road.
I don’t know if the hawk was disturbed by me taking the photos or it had bitten of more than it could chew with the size of its victim, but the softies amongst you will be glad to know that shortly after the hawk posed for these photos the pigeon flew away unharmed apart from a few lost feathers.
Sunday, October 2
CowHorse
Wednesday, August 3
Code of Conduct
Wednesday, June 15
Overkill or Not?
Are things getting that bad nowadays that taxi drivers should really be considering investing in one of these. Maybe not but then again think back to just over twelve months ago since Cumbria taxi driver Derek Bird went on a rampage with a shotgun killing twelve people including a fellow driver and shooting and attempting to kill two more cabbies.
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Thursday, May 26
The Language Barrier
I then said I would take them to the main entrance and he said "No... I want any entrance". This had me a little baffled until he said it a bit slower. "I want A and E Entrance".
I felt a right plonker.
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Tuesday, May 10
Furness Tours
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Wednesday, March 30
Candy Cabs
Wednesday, February 23
Pre-booked cab
Some people will always book their taxi well in advance and will ask for a taxi at 9am or 10.30pm or five to eleven etc etc but theres always one that has to be a bit eccentric I suppose..
I didnt think anything of it at first until I noticed on the PDA screen (image to the left) that the job was pre-booked for 9.02pm and even so I thought that the customer had rang it asking for it in 20 mins and the telephonist at our end had booked it in as 20 minutes from the current time for example but curiosity got the better of me and so I questioned the young man and asked "What time did you book your cab for" expecting him to say 9pm. He actually said 2 minutes past nine and went on to explain that he was meeting a girl in the pub and had told her that if she wasnt there by 9pm that he would be going without her and he had rang the taxi at 8pm ish anticipating that she wasnt going to turn up and allowed 2 minutes at 9pm and then got in the taxi and went on his way.
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Sunday, February 20
Things people say in an argumant
I didnt want to get involved and just kept driving and saying nothing as on a lot of occasions they do try and involve the driver with questions such as "What do you think then? I am right or is she right?" I don't get involved in other peoples arguments as I just want to get my job done. Get them to their destination, get the fare from them, and move on to my next job.
However, I couldnt help but laugh when the girl says to Boy "You think you are gods gift to women, well sorry to burst your bubble but gods gift to women runs on batteries! :) " --- Made me laugh anyway
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Saturday, February 12
Window Cleaner
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Wednesday, February 9
Busy Docks
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Sunday, February 6
Pen and Paper
Come to think of it, the only items that seem to come by post nowadays are bills, computer written official letters or printed junk mail adverts. When I told her this she gave a knowing smile and asked what I do with this correspondence,” it goes straight into the shredder” I replied. Well she says, “I have been writing to as many as thirty different folk all over the world some as far away as Australia for the last fifty years and all of them tell me that they still have every one of my letters”. She must have seen the puzzled look on my face and as if for explanation dug into, her leather bag and pulled out a sheath of handwritten letters. Take a look at some of these she urged, and so when we pulled up outside her house I took the time to check out one or two.
The envelopes and paper used were all of the very best quality and the handwriting was absolutely superb, even though the heavy paper was unlined, every line was equally spaced and looked like a piece of artwork. Not a spelling mistake or grammar error could be seen. Wow, it was a pleasure to even look and read one of the multipage masterpieces, never mind to actually have one sent to you through the post.
I really was impressed and if a Parker fountain pen came along with a spellchecker, I may have even thought about investing in one. No, wonder her readers treasured her letters and I hope that she keeps the art of letter writing alive for many years to come.
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Friday, February 4
Concept Taxis
The Maxi addresses the very real threat of violence facing cab drivers. Says Johnson, “For the sake of exaggeration, the taxi looks impenetrable and fearsome, like a Brink’s truck.
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Thursday, February 3
Tuesday, February 1
Hello Sailor
Details have been released regarding Britain's introduction of the next generation of fighting ships: The Royal Navy is proud of the cutting edge capability of the new fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Having initially named the first two ships of this class HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the HM Ships naming committee have, after intensive counselling, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence.
The final four ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.
Costing £750 million, they have been designed to meet the needs of the 21st century; in addition to state of the art technology, weaponry, and guidance systems, the ships will comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights legislation.
They will be able to remain at sea for several months and positively bristle with facilities.
For instance, the new user-friendly crow's nest comes equipped with wheelchair access.
Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims.
Stress counselors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day, and each ship will have its own onboard industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability.
Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules even in wartime!
All bunks will be double occupancy, and the destroyers will all come equipped with a maternity ward and crèche, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in the wardroom and messes.
The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for "Rum, Sodomy and the lash"; out goes the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by Perrier water, although sodomy remains: this has now been extended to include all ratings under 18.
The lash will still be available but only by request.
Condoms can be obtained from the Bosun in a variety of flavours, except Capstan Full Strength.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is elitist, and is to be replaced by the more informal "Hello Sailor".
All notices on boards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille.
Crew members will no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches - this applies equally to the women.
The MOD is working on a new "Non specific" flag based on the controversial British Airways "Ethnic" tailfin design, because the white ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities.
The newly-renamed HMS Cautious is due to be re-commissioned soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull.
She will gently slide into the water to the tune of "In the Navy" by the Village People played by the Royal Marines.
Sea Trials are expected to take place, when she sets out on her maiden mission. She will be escorting boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to ports on the south coast.
The Prime Minister said that "While the ships reflected the very latest of modern thinking they were also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation.
His final words were "Britain never, never waives the rules!"
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Monday, January 31
Welcome Home?
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Thursday, December 9
Taxis drivers remember the troubles
Monday, November 1
Halloween weekend chaos
- Numerous fights all over the town usually by young sad pathetic knob rotting low life scum of the earth chavs who have half a pint of luke warm lager and think they can take on the world.
- At least 4 cars driving with a combination of no lights, swearing all over the road, driving at 10mph in a 30 zone and one of them coming down a one way street the wrong way with no lights on at all.
- A police car that pulled out in front of me giving no indication at all and then he proceeded to raise his hand whilst in his vehicle as to say STOP and this was after he pulled out on me and did a U turn.
- Loads of drunk people that can't seem to grasp the context of road safety and just walk out in front of you regardless of what's coming towards them
- I also saw the aftermath of 3 accidents, cars with windows smashed, no front wheel and no front end
- Another Police vehicle that had driven down a pedestrianised area (Dalton Road) and failed to stop at the Jcn of Buccleuch street as I was driving past and if I hadn't had slammed the brakes on he would have gone straight into the side of me.
Thats quite a lot for one night but I get the impression that the Police should certainly abide by the rules of the road if the rest of us have to and there was no sirens or blue lights illuminated so it doesn't give them any more right than a normal driver.
I know the Police are overstretched as they couldn't be everywhere and with so much going on in the town I expect there would have been more incidents as the night progresses
Why cant people learn that its not big and its not clever to drink and drive or to start fighting and acting like idiots under the influence of drink. They should be able to go out and enjoy themselves, know their limit and go home safely.
No wonder a lot of people who are sensible don't like going into town at night and from a Taxi Drivers point of view we are the ones doing the job of the police by getting them off the streets and taking them home. That's if they remember where they live or have the means to pay the fare,.
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Friday, October 29
"You know warra mean"
The conversation went on for about 5 or 6 minutes and it could have quite easily have been condensed to 2 minutes if he didnt keep saying "you know what I mean" It got too boring and so to bring it to his attention I started saying iot to him after every sentence but he never twigged on. Didnt even notice. I think this guy needs some serious education skills.
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Tuesday, October 26
Beer , Cigs and the fare
Within a couple of minutes this man came out the house and got in the car and got her in the car as well. Just as I set off she said she had no money to pay the fare and wanted to get out. The man she was with wasnt amused with her and he had no money either.
Then she says she wants me to take her to the shop so she can buy a bottle of cider and some cigarettes which got me thinking that if she didn't have any money then how can she afford those luxuries. (I mean necessities to her). I asked to saee her money and make sure she had enough to pay the fare. She handed me a £10 note and told me to take the fare out of that but could I wait at the shop. I set off and waited at the shop and she came back out saying she couldnt get served as I had her money and she wanted it back to by what she wanted. I figired that what she would buy would leave her with no money for the taxi and I questioned her on this. Her attitude was that I could wait for my money and she would drop it in the office for me next week. (I doubt she would even remember).
I stood my ground, refused to give the the money. The man in the car was on my side and kept trying to get her to see sense. I then proceeded to take them to their destination and I gave them change out of the £10 note.
he then complained that she didnt have enough for cigs and cider as this was more important than a stupid daft taxi fare.
Just cant understand some people
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Tuesday, October 19
Man does a runner after £220 taxi ride
The story in pour local paper is about a man who does a runner after £220 taxi ride from Wales to Haverigg (About 25 miles from Barrow In Furness)
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A MAN failed to pay for a taxi from Wales to Haverigg, a court heard.
Trefor Evans, 22, yesterday pleaded guilty to a charge of deceit for not paying for the taxi.
Evans told Furness Magistrates’ Court that he made the taxi journey from Caernarfon to visit his mother, Sharon Sweeney who lives in Townhead, Haverigg.
Evans said he had taken the 190-mile trip from his home because his mother was upset and asked him to visit her.
When he arrived at the destination, he told the taxi driver that neither he nor his mother had the money to pay the £220 fare.
He told the court: “My mother phoned me and she said she wanted me to come down. She was crying on the phone. I said I couldn’t visit because I couldn’t pay for the trip.
“But she said she would pay for it on the other side. When we got to the house, she said she didn’t have the money. I thought that I was in a bad situation.
“I was in a bad situation and didn’t know what to do.”
Mr Evans then ran away from the driver, Darren Fitzjohn, as he unsuccessfully tried to get the money for the fare from his sister.
He was originally due to appear in front of the magistrates on October 12.
Evans, who is unemployed, said he missed the original date because he lived in Wales and didn’t have the money to travel to Barrow.
He said: “I couldn’t get back up here from Caernarfon.
“I fell out with my mother over this situation and had nowhere to stay up here.”
Magistrates asked Evans to think carefully about whether or not he knowingly left Wales with the intention of not paying the fare.
Evans told the hearing he felt that he was guilty as he had failed to pay the fare and wanted the case to be dealt with so he could return home.
Evans, of Bro Seiont, Caernarfon, was ordered to pay £220 compensation to the taxi driver.
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Saturday, September 18
Drunken Woman
Last night I picked 3 women up that had been to a party. It was a family party, there was mother, daughter and daughters daughter and most people can go out and have a good time and go home happy but its not always the case as there is always one who cannot handle their drink.
The middle aged woman in tha back of the car sandwiched between the other two was extremely abusive verbally to both the other passengers. Now the journey meant 3 different people being dropped off at 3 different addresses and I was just hoping the drunken woman would not be the last in case she couldnt pay the fare.
After having to listen to a torrent of four letter words and abuse from this woman directed at the other two I was glad to get to my first drop off address where one woman got out of the car followed by the abusive woman who then started shouting at the top of her voice in the street waking up residents. She was soon shoved back in the car and I carried on my journey. I had only got about 100 yards up the road when they started fighting in the back of the car.
It was at this point I stopped the car and told them both to get out. The drunken one fell out and was all over the place. the other one was very apologetic and paid the fare and so I went on my way.
What I cant understand is why people have to have stupid arguments, get aggressive and not be in control of themselves and its usually the women.
Alcohol enhances your mood so if you go out in a good mood you should in theory go home in a good mood. Unfortunatly it works the other way as well so if you go out looking for trouble then the chances are that you will find it.
Its all part of the job description these days and my main concern is for the safety of myself and other passengers as well as other road users if the vehicle is moving so by getting them out the car I think I did the right thing.
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Tuesday, September 7
Naked in summer
I'll tell you a little story which actually goes back a few years when a passnger rang up to complain that a naked driver had picked her up and insisted that he was wearing no clothes at all.
It turns out the driver was wearing a pair of green shorts but whilst sat in the drivers seat his flab from his oversized belly dropped down convering his shorts and making him look naked.
Of course, with me going to the gym, I don't have that problem... Ahem....
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Friday, July 16
Mobile Phones in Cars
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Monday, June 28
No answer
"Is anyone rogering me tonight or not" I think I knew what she meant but the way iot came out sounded more like something else if you know what I mean. I just went into fits of laughter
Roger - Over and out
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