Naughty Boys Club

It was obvious that my fare that I had picked up nice and early on this cold and dismal Sunday morning wasn’t that keen on having to venture out. He looked like he had been on the ale the previous night, and was suffering from a huge hangover. When I asked him where he was going he was definitely a bit shady about telling me. “Err in town somewhere by Cornwallis St and Hindpool Rd” he muttered. “You mean the naughty boys club then” I replied. Taken aback at being rumbled he looked at me in confusion, after a minute of thought he relaxed, nodded and smiled. The “naughty boys club” for those of you that don’t know is what the nickname is for the unpaid work or community service which offenders agree to do as part of their probation. This can consist of cleaning off graffiti, painting, gardening or environmental projects. None of these people are big time career criminals, it’s mainly drink related assaults and relatively minor offences. Naughty boys who work during the week have to fit the unpaid work in during their weekends. We get lots of naughty boys and even some naughty girls getting a taxi to the club, who ask to be dropped round the corner from the probation office, but since it’s the only place open round there on a Sunday morning we all know where they are going. Most folk won’t know it but the National Probation Service is interested in hearing from you with suggestions of what they could be doing to clean up your area. Sounds good to me, clean up your area and keep the naughty boys and girls nice and busy.

Hot Head

Mmm remind me not to ever decide to drive a taxi down in Wales, ever!

Down in the land of nervous sheep it seems that three people have been arrested in connection with an attack on a taxi driver who was actually set on fire.

Douglas Hall suffered mild burns to his head and face after being set alight by two men who were trying to steal his takings.

It happened after he went to collect a fare in Milford Haven on Friday night.

It is thought a liquid or gas was squirted into his face and set on fire.

Police in the town said Mr Hall had received a call requesting taxi to collect a fare from Cellar Hill off Pill Road on the outskirts of the town.

Mr Hall said when he arrived at the location he was approached by a man who demanded his money.

He was squirted over the head and face with some sort of accelerant which he was able to put out with his hands

“It is a location that is quite secluded and there were two males in the lane with hoodies.

“One approached the victim and asked him to hand over his money.”

Mr Hall refused and got out of the car pushing the man backwards.

It was then Mr Hall noticed another man standing on the other side of the road wearing a grey hooded top.

“He was then squirted over the head and face with some sort of accelerant which he was able to put out with his hands,” explained the police officer.

“He was very lucky. He has been injured but no where near as horrifically as it could have been.

It is believed the incident which happened, not late at night as you would think, but at 9: pm, had been premeditated.

“It was clearly thought about but thankfully incidents of this kind are few and far between,” said Ch Insp Richards.

Let’s hope it stays that way as well eh!

Speed Gun

Well going by the latest design for a speed camera pictured above it looks as if they are thinking of getting tough with offenders eh!

Hi-Miles

A Greek taxi driver is donating his record-breaking Mercedes car to the company’s museum in Germany. Gregorios Sachinides’ Mercedes 240D has clocked up a record-breaking 2.8m since he bought it in 1981. The mileage is the equivalent of six trips to the moon and back, or 82 times around the earth. Sachinides said he clocked up the miles driving around the streets of Thessaloniki, Greece’s second largest city. He said he also made hundreds of journeys to Belgrade to transport medical supplies during the Balkans war. He added he was so pleased with his car he wrote to company boss Juergen Hubbert to thank him personally for the outstanding service. Mercedes say they believe the mileage is the most ever put on one of their cars. Well he can’t say that he didn’t get value for his money then eh!

Trunk Monkey

I want a taxi with a trunk monkey please!

Art Event

In this cool video clip, an art event group brings 207 apparently normal people into Grand Central Station, whereupon they all freeze, at exactly the same instant, for five minutes, standing stock still, as though they were caught in some kind of time-loop. Around them, the Grand Central crowd looks on in wonderment, trying to figure out what's going on -- a little scared, but delighted too. When the frozen hundreds all begin to move again at the same instant, the crowd gives them a standing ovation.

Never a Truer Word

This one sent to me by Bill, all very true eh!

Isn’t it amazing that George Carlin - comedian of the 70’s and 80’s - could write something so very eloquent...and so very appropriate.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbour. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

George Carlin

Cheap Taxi

I am seriously thinking about one of these beauty's, I can count eight or nine passengers on board and room for more. What a money spinner eh! and cheap to run as well. Mind you I think I will wait until the summer before putting it on the road. Do you think the local licensing authority will pass it as a taxi? Cheers to Bob for the pic.

Progress

We have been treated to a sneak preview this week of what the future holds for us here in Barrow after the much dreaded new Walney Road traffic scheme is complete. Temporary traffic lights were set up not too far from the actual site of the new permanent sets of lights which will shortly be installed at the junctions of Ironworks Road. The result of course was predictably chaos with long delays and traffic dangerously cutting through the Asda supermarket car park to avoid the huge tail back. Add this together with the multitude of traffic light controlled pedestrian crossings being installed and it should be really interesting when finished. Ahh well such is progress eh!

Ex Boy Racer

My young fare got in the cab looking a bit glum and carrying a very expensive looking stereo. "Have you taken the stereo out of your car for safe-keeping?" I asked. He shook his head sadly and replied “no this is all that I've got left of my car” He went on to tell me the story of his “pride and joy, babe magnet" losing it's attraction to the road and ending up crashing into a wall. He was unhurt apart from loss of dignity, and I was impressed that he was man enough to admit that it was his own fault for speeding. He had only had the car for a matter of weeks, and like a jilted lover selling the engagement ring he was going to sell the stereo to another "joy boy" to rid himself of the reminder of his lost love. Just like a cowboy with no horse or a Shepard with no sheep theirs something kinda sad about a boy racer with no wheels.

Competition for the Mail

Locals in the Furness area may like to take a look at a spoof send up of our very own local paper. Whilst our our esteemed local news sheet has the grand sounding title the “North West Evening Mail” locals know it simply as the “Evening Mail.” The impostor bills itself online as the “Barrow Evening Mail” But with stories such as this by Fridge “Barrow Town Hall to Move”

"Yes, it is true(ish) that Barrow Town Hall is relocating. In a bid to save money, our glorious leaders have voted to sell the present Town Hall and buy a row of houses. The vote was taken in controversy as the proposee put the opposition on the back foot by bringing in his miniature poodle that had just had its coat trimmed into the style of a young Hayley Mills. While the poodle was overly ‘aahhhh’ed at and vigorously patted, the Chairman called the show of hands. The opposition did put in a formal complaint, but the Chairman dismissed it on the fact that they all acted like ‘a pack of Southern softies’.

"The decision on where to buy the houses has not yet been taken, however they are proposing to sell the Town Hall to a developer. We phoned around to a few known interested parties and asked their plans if they were the successful bidder. We had a range of replies from turning it into a large Haunted House attraction to knocking it down and building a 400ft Elvis sitting on the toilet."

"The Chairman stated, 'What ever happens with the Town Hall, we have the right to veto any building so you can be sure it will be tasteful, modern and probably pink.' He went onto say ‘we like pink, it compliments our eyes.'"

Mmm I'm sure the new editor will be very impressed and seek out these young pretenders and either sue them or employ them eh!

Sorted

One, that those of us who live in colder climes should keep in mind maybe eh!

Car of Tomorrow

Even though this was made a long while back now it still seems so fresh.

Job Vacancy

I see that licensing chiefs at South Lakeland District Council have granted a Hackney Carriage licence for the operation of two pedal rickshaw taxis - which are more commonly found on the streets of bustling Asian cities like Beijing, Delhi or Hanoi. This is exactly where they belong and where they should stay. Why do we need a third world transport mode cluttering up our already overcrowded Lakeland roads? The rickshaws, which cost around £3,000 each, will be operated by Mr & Mrs Davies, of Field Broughton, who it seems, came up with the idea as something to do to punish their poor son in summer. But as they intend buying two rickshaws it seems that there may be a vacancy for another rider, anyone fancy it?

The rickshaws, also known as pedicabs, which are in the form of a two-person seated carriage being pulled by a bicycle, will be running on a predetermined, very hilly route linking Waterhead with Ambleside.

The licensing cabinet spent an hour-and-a-half discussing safety issues relating to the rickshaws, before granting a licence on condition that mirrors are attached, that only two passengers can be taken at any time, that two seatbelts are fitted and that helmets are available for passengers to wear.

Holker Hump

Well it seems that what I have been saying for years has finally been proved by a scientific survey commissioned by the A.A. Road humps double the carbon dioxide emissions and fuel consumption by forcing drivers to brake and accelerate repeatedly. A car that achieves 58.15 miles per gallon travelling at a steady 30mph will deliver only 30.85mpg when going over humps.

The results, calculated by averaging the performances of the two cars, also showed that reducing the speed limit from 30mph to 20mph resulted in 10 per cent higher emissions. This is because car engines are designed to be most efficient at speeds above 30mph.

A motorist who observed the speed limit on one mile of 20mph road during a daily journey would produce an extra tonne of CO2 in a year compared with driving at 30mph on the same stretch. In an unusual move for a motoring organisation, the AA called for the introduction of cameras that detect average speeds to replace humps. The AA’s president, said: “Humps are a crude, uncomfortable and noisy way of slowing people down and this research has shown they are also environmentally damaging. We accept that traffic speed needs to be controlled in residential areas where there is a problem with accidents and children are playing. We think motorists are more likely to accept average speed cameras than humps.”

Previous research by the Transport Research Laboratory found that air pollution rose significantly on roads with humps. Carbon monoxide emissions increased by 82 per cent and nitrogen oxide by 37 per cent. So there you have it, the proof that speed humps apart from destroying our cars and injuring our backs, are also destroying the environment. But locally this common sense is ignored and we have plans for even more of these destructive humps on Holker Street. Speed humps are designed and intended to slow traffic in residential and school crossing areas. But this road is actually one of our main thoroughfares and ends in what they say is one of the busiest junctions in Cumbria. A junction where they have just spent £3/4 million widening and improving, doesn’t make a lot of sense doe’s it?

Clanger

I sure would not like to be in the shoes of the taxi driver in Plymouth who arrived at the crematorium with a fare, who missed the funeral by five minutes. The worst bit was that it was her husband’s funeral. Just what can you say after that colossal gaffe, an apology just wouldn’t be enough? The taxi firm has apologised and launched an investigation after her taxi turned up late. Poor Mrs Mace, 84, was collected from the nursing home where she had lived with her late husband William, also 84, five minutes after the funeral had started. When she got to Weston Mill Crematorium on Monday, the service was over. It could not be delayed as another funeral was booked immediately afterwards. The couple’s son David Mace said his mother had been left “heartbroken”. “She arrived just in time to see the coffin going through the curtains at the crematorium,” he said. The Warwick Park Nursing Home had pre-booked the taxi a week before the funeral service. It was supposed to arrive at 0830 GMT on Monday, half-an-hour ahead of the service, but arrived 35 minutes late. Absolutely no excuse for that one, be it driver or operator error, what a clanger!

Lead On

I love this story about the Goth couple, the chap apparently walks the lady goth everywhere on a dog leash. They complain that a West Yorkshire bus driver refuses to allow them on his bus, telling them " We don't let freaks and dogs like you on." I would have no such problem with them using my taxi, as a matter of fact I would welcome them, I love the characters of life. It doesn't surprise me that they are northerners though, we seem to have the monopoly on larger than life characters up here in the wild and wonderful north.

Turntable

I wonder what happened to this idea then? Seems like a good one to me, they would be great on narrow household drives on busy main roads instead of backing out into busy traffic.

Fresh Air Cab

This must have been ideal for old time New York cabbies to get an eyeful of the young ladies legs eh! Come to think of it I wouldn't mind one of these myself, great for a spot of sightseeing.

OneWay/No way

As work crawls ahead at less than a snails pace, Barrow’s £2.4 m road scheme must surely be getting somewhere near to completion. Work started in a flurry of activity way back in August with the hopelessly optimistic target of being completed by Christmas 2007. Here we are in late January 08 and things seem to have shuddered to a series of sporadic fits and starts. Which knowing from past experience with the main contractor, was exactly what we all knew and fully expected anyway, no surprises there eh! But over the last few months I have been asking all my fares who travel with me past the roadwork’s “what do you think of the new one way system.” I must have spoken to at least five hundred folk of all ages and both sexes, both drivers and non drivers. The result was an overwhelming thumbs down for the one way system, not one single person was in favour of it and most were very vocal in their condemnation of the much disliked scheme. Most said “why do we need it” or questioned the sanity of the “road planners from Carlisle who have probably never been here.” Perhaps we will all be proved wrong when the one way system is finally finished, but somehow I very much doubt it.

Night Nurse

My lady fare was off to work to start her long night shift. “Will you have a busy night” I asked, “well depends how many patients we have admitted today, she said. Then she added “I don’t think we have any in intensive care, so it won’t be too bad.” As we got closer to the Barrow town centre street she had asked to be dropped off at, I began to wonder why she was going into town and not to the hospital. “Are you not starting until later?” I asked being the curious type that I am. “No I’m starting now” she said. It wasn’t until we stopped outside a local veterinary clinic that the penny finally dropped. But when you think about it I guess that animal patients need twenty four care whilst in hospital, just like us eh!

Fair Cop

Spotted this wanted advert on our local Freecycle site "Hi im wanting policeman and woman's truncheons, handcuffs, hats/helmets for theme night anything would be grateful thanks!"
Mmm a likely story that, if I've ever heard one eh!

Disconnected

My fare got in the car all hot and flustered and seemed to be in a hurry. After a short drive we reached her destination and she held up her handset and said “I won’t be long here, and then I will be phoning back for another cab.” I shook my head and said “no I don’t think that you will.” Looking puzzled and gesturing with the handset again she said “I can promise you I will ring your office, I always use this taxi firm every time.” Again I told her that she “definitely won’t be ringing our office for a taxi.” Now she was getting a bit wound up and was wafting her handset about and getting closer too clouting me on the head with it “why the heck not she said.” “Because that’s your TV remote control and not your phone that you’ve picked up” I said sweetly.

Paid for the Spray

A Halifax taxi driver has lost his licence after being caught with CS spray in his cab.

Javid Ali of Thomas Street, Halifax, admitted possessing a prohibited weapon.

He was given a six-month prison sentence suspended for 18 months and was given a community order for 18 months and 100 hours unpaid work.

Police stopped Ali driving his taxi after 2am in Hanson Lane, Halifax.

For some reason police searched his cab and a small CS gas canister was found under the driver’s seat. Ali was arrested and initially denied the spray was his.

He claimed it was pepper spray but later accepted it was CS spray and that he had it for self defence reasons. In his defence Mr Ali pointed out that he had been the victim of a brutal attack and robbery whilst working as a cabbie in 2006. Who can blame him for defending himself you might say, but then it emerges that he has previous convictions for possessing offensive weapons and in 2004 was convicted of having a similar spray. You would have thought that he would have learnt his lesson after that wouldn’t you? Why carry something so blatantly illegal when all he needed was good heavy torch.

Recorder Mark Cran told Ali: “The court understands that as a taxi driver you do feel concerned for your safety.”

He said the assault Ali suffered was “extremely unpleasant” but added: “Possession of a gas canister is completely out of proportion to defending yourself.”

Soggy Sun

I thought it strange when the auld lass getting in the cab placed a newspaper on the front seat before sitting down. As we drove away she merrily informed me "I've got that bug that’s going around and I've made a mess in me pants." By then it was too late to do anything about it, and I drove her home quickly whilst trying hard not to breathe. When we got there she climbed out and I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that the seat was unmarked. She leaned in and paid the fare and then held the suspiciously soggy newspaper out and said "you can have this paper to read if you want it." After I had recovered from my choking fit I replied "no thanks I never read the Sun"

Taxi Salesmen

It seems that taxi drivers are being recruited by ad companies to promote their clients' products to passengers.
Cabbies, who we all know are famous for their gift of the gab, are seen as the ideal people to spread 'word of mouth' marketing to thousands of potential customers.
In one example, a company which pays to advertise on the outside of a cab can also brief the driver so he can be an 'ambassador' for their brand, talking enthusiastically about their products.
Drivers have also been given free holidays in the hope they will rave about the destinations.
Driver Adrian Torlini, 41, was signed up as an ambassador for Taxi Promotions UK.
He was given a five-day trip to Bangkok paid for by the tourism authority of Thailand.
But Mr Torlini said: "I suppose that's payment of a sort, but I have never seen it as a job. No one said I had to talk about it.
"They just know that if you send someone somewhere and they like it they will talk about it, and if they are a cab driver they will talk to lots of people about it."
He believes he has helped many of his fares see Thailand in a new light, just as he has persuaded others of the charms of Melbourne, where he and his wife spent 10 days on another free holiday.
Asher Moses, managing director of Taxi Promotions UK, believes all kinds of products could eventually be promoted by his drivers, from airlines to online poker website. Wow where do I sign?

Ego Trip

Faded TV comedian and impressionist Bobby Davro, who has now taken on the new role of soap actor in East Enders had a blow to his ego the other day it seems. In the back of a cab going to Heathrow airport he perked up when the driver kept looking in the rear view mirror and saying "give us a clue mate, go on give us a clue." "Late eighties,music, comedy, impressions" he replied with a beaming grin. The driver shook his head and said patiently "Give us a clue, mate -Terminal one or two?"

Dear Sign

A taxi driver from Blackpool has had to pay more than £500 after failing to
put a No Smoking sticker in his cab.Michael Boaler was fined £250 with £250 costs after being prosecuted byBlackpool's licensing team. He was also amazingly ordered to pay a £15 surcharge for the victims of crime fund afterfailing to display the stickers which cost a measly £1.
To add insult to injury the conviction means he now has to go before the town's public protection sub committee and could face losing his licence or being suspended.
Officials say the example should send out a strong(heavy handed) message to the resort's
cabbies they must abide by new no smoking laws.
Boaler, 44, , was found to have breached smoking ban laws by failing to display one of the small logos during a cab crackdown in August – one month after new legislation was brought in.
Police and licensing officials, checking over his hackney carriage as part of an operation to move private hire vehicles out of street taxi ranks, gave Boaler a fixed penalty notice of £150 for the breach. But when he failed to pay the fine the council decided to take legal action.
He pleaded guilty at Blackpool magistrates court. "Some drivers mistakenly think it is the owner's responsibility to put up the signs but the person who is behind the wheel will receive a fixed penalty if there is no sign.

Hooters

How about one of these hot new products on the family car? Apparently it's a "hot new trend" and a "collectors item" which slides down the vehicle antenna and moves with the motion. Mmm don't think I will bother.

Miracle Cure

After four days the rattling coming from the rear of the taxi when I took corners seemed to grow louder and louder. The size of the bill to fix the expensive sounding clunking got bigger and bigger in my imagination by the hour. After the fourth time of getting soaked by climbing out and checking under the car for any problem, it was driving me mad. Then for some unknown reason I got out of the drivers seat and sat in the back seats and looked around. There deep in the plastic door pockets I found the miracle cure for the mystery noise. Some joker had planted a golf ball which was rolling about when I took corners, Grr!

More Rank Rage

A couple of comments made on Fridays post “Rank Rage” deserve to be answered as a post in their own right, Wil asks” How can a private company assess fines? They have no court authority and no way to collect if the violator refuses to pay.” Meanwhile the blonde bombshell Peggy comments “I don't get that one either. ASDA is not a sovereign country just yet, but some stores are large enough to declare independence.”

Well it seems that we already have the legislation in place over here, on any private land you can and often will be clamped and charged for release. But under new rules all it takes is video evidence of a so called parking offence, and the landowners or their agents are then able to access the government’s police national computer database. The first you will know is when the ticket arrives in the post, if this is not paid on time you will then receive a visit from bailiffs who will charge you several hundred pounds on top of the fine for the privilege. So it seems that all you need for a licence to print money is a vacant piece of land, a sign and a video camera. This point is proven by a case going through the courts at the moment involving just such a scenario. Car owners who had driven on to the land and stopped just long enough to read the sign have been sent parking fine demands. The giant junk food chain Mc Donald’s has also jumped on the bandwagon by introducing fines for motorists who take too long to eat their takeaway meals on their car park. In certain UK branch’s ¾ of an hour is the limit, any more and you get a ticket in the post, again solely using video evidence.

Sky Cab

A concept "Sky Commuter aircraft" that absorbed $6 mil in startup capital is for sale on eBay. Bids are up to $48,200.00 so far with just under two days to go, so hurry and get your bid in. Looks cool eh! Just a tad too small to use as a taxi which is a pity. Oh and the other bugbear is that although it is claimed to be able to hover it is unstable and unsafe to fly. Never mind we can dream eh!

Rank Rage

Giant supermarket chain Asda has announced that they will fine drivers £60 for parking in its disabled or parent and child spaces when they shouldn't. They say that the fines will be introduced to all stores, including Barrow where they own the car park by March. It says that they will donate profits from the fines to baby charity Tommy's and the Motability car scheme for the disabled. Priority parking spaces are reserved for disabled customers with a blue badge in their cars and for parents travelling with a child under 12.
Whilst being totally in agreement with this scheme, I don't think they go far enough, especially in regard to our local Asda car park. Why not extend the fines to the inconsiderate drivers who park on our clearly marked taxi bay. The car park will have plenty of empty bays nearby but because the taxi bay is right outside the store they just have to park there, blocking us from collecting passengers and their many bags of shopping. Not too surprisingly it seems to be drivers of large 4x4s who are amongst the worst culprits. Hey maybe the profits could be donated to a charity for overstressed taxi drivers. Or maybe used on research into the affliction which affects the drivers when we, or the car park crew point out their error. Most grip the wheel and stare trance like straight ahead, seemingly unseeing and unhearing.

Dog Tag

It seems that nothing is safe from the tagging or graffiti craze which is sweeping the North West. Gangs of rival Chavs have even taken to vandalising each others dogs. This poor dog was scribbled all over with different colour markers after being left outside a shop by itself for about 10 minutes. The 'sick yobs' as the owner called them, also left a smiley face on the dog's leg.

Trunk Man

If you are planning a trip to Shanghai any time soon, you’d better keep your eyes on your belongings, even after you get into a taxi.
Here is a description from The China Daily of a new scam as it was played on a young woman after she got in a taxi to her downtown residence.
About halfway home, the driver received an “urgent call” and told Lei that he would have to drop her off and turn back. He waived her fee, unloaded her luggage and helped her get another taxi.
When she returned home, Lei discovered that her notebook computer had been removed from her luggage and called police.
After a month-long investigation, police determined that the driver had hid somebody in the trunk specifically to steal luggage. Both the driver and the “trunk man” were arrested.

Dirty Slapping

We hear a lot about the so called "happy slapping" craze in the media, but according to what I hear they seem to have taken it a step further here in Barrow lately. Story's reach me of gangs of drunken lads trying to outdo each other in pulling outrageous stunts with the cameras built into their mobile phones. This it seems involves one of them dashing up to scantily clad young lasses in local bars and nightclubs and lifting their skirts, or if they are wearing a boob tube pulling it down and exposing them. This is done whilst their mates watch from a safe distance and film the dirty deed on their mobiles. The poor lasses involved are then subjected to further embarrassment when the video is then sent to all their pals, and anyone else nearby via wireless bluetooth. Apparently this has led to some nasty punch-ups when the boyfriend of the lass involved has been sent the incriminating video. But they should realise that maybe it may seem like a good laugh at the time with a belly full of beer, but it’s nothing less than sexual assault and if they are caught they will be prosecuted. And let’s face it, that’s quite likely when the dunces are actually providing the proof by filming the crime, Doh!

A Thinner Wallet

After a morning spent dodging overweight joggers kitted out in their brand new tracksuits and trainers strutting their stuff on the streets of Barrow. I realised that it's that time of year again; our local gyms will be rubbing their hands together and counting the cash again, just as they do every year. But from what I have been told some of the more unscrupulous gym's have found a way of extracting cash from folk during the leaner times of the year. This takes the form of either a phone call or a letter telling you that you have won either a year’s membership or a voucher for several hundred pounds. The punter then dashes to the gym eager to collect this wonderful prize but is told that first they must sign some paperwork and pay a £10 fee. Only later do they realise that they have actually signed a legally binding direct debit agreement for two years membership fees. Yes they are getting a year’s free membership or a big discount, but first they have to pay full price for the first year. Several of my fares have been stung by this scam and after taking legal advice have found that it's perfectly legal. Because you have entered their premises, paid a deposit and signed the agreement. That’s it! you’re trapped into paying up. So be warned, if the offer sounds too good to be true it usually is, always read the small print first.

Sawdustpies n Whippets

I see the good old BBC have run true to form with their usual portrayal of Barrow as a grim northern town to be avoided at all costs. In Thursday nights winter special "The Hairy Bikers Return Home" Dave Myers home town of Barrow was edited down to about five minutes of the worst views of the town they could find. None of our spectacular beaches or views of Piel Island or Furness Abbey were shown; all we got were depressing scenes of dereliction and decay. No one in their right mind would say that the dangerously derelict paper mills were representative of Barrow in a true light. And yet again we had the seemingly obligatory shots of the Barrow Island tenements even though it had nothing to do with the storyline, why is the BBC so anti Barrow? Maybe it's the fact that we build nuclear submarines here and this doesn't fit in with the well documented political bias ingrained in the corporation. Here's a quote from the BBC website which says it all.
"Si and Dave have been on the road for more than two years. After all their global travelling and culinary adventures, it was time to go back to their roots to discover what they have on their own doorsteps. First stop was Dave's birthplace, Barrow-in-Furness, home to whippets, sawdust and Northern soul food. The Boys stopped at Green's, where warming meat and potato pies have been made for generations"
So then according to the BBC we in Barrow all live in grim tenements with sawdust strewn floors and walk our whippets through the dereliction whilst scoffing meat n tatty pies.

Laser Crazy

Quite a few folk I have been picking up have been telling me tales of having seen strange lights in the Furness night sky. At first I thought that maybe they had been partaking of a bit too much Christmas spirit, but when more and more folks told the same tale, I started to wonder. Finally I myself caught a glimpse of the eerie green shimmering lights over Newbarns coming from the direction of Dalton. All was explained the next day when I happened to pick up the vicars wife from St Mary's church Dalton. She tells that the Rev Allan Mitchell has over the last few years developed a bit of an obsession with lasers. Each year his collection gets bigger and more powerful, this year he has a total of five lasers lighting up the night sky for the Christmas season. When conditions are right they can be seen from certain areas of Barrow reflecting off the low clouds, looking like the glow from the Northern Lights.

Payback Time

Instead of getting involved in the mayhem of New Years Eve I opted for an early start on New Years Day. This gives good opportunity's for payback for all the Peter Kay taxi driver sketches that groups of giggling drunks always try to recreate in the back of the cab. It really does get a bit boring by the time you get to the hundredth time of "busy tonight mate” and "what time you on till” that Peter Kay has a lot to answer for.
 But the tables are turned early next morning when the fares are a bit worse for wear after a full nights partying. Nothing too harsh you understand, just a bit of gentle mickey taking. Such as looking back at the hung-over wreck in the back and saying” we’d better get you back to the crypt before the sun comes up eh!" Or to the fella wearing the brightly coloured frilly shirt, "we'd better get you home before your mother misses her blouse.
 Or the useful advice given to the young lass who looked as if she had been dragged through a hedge backwards “I’d stay away from mirrors for a few days if I was you." One confused staggerer who was having trouble remembering where he lived and muttered "over the hill and round the bend" to which I replied "yes I know you are but where do you live,”
 But even I had to refrain from any cruel humour with my first fare of the day. This was from the crowded casualty department of Furness General hospital were he had been all night. It seems that he had a disagreement with a lass who promptly settled the matter by taking her shoe off and embedding the stiletto heel in his head several times, ouch.