RIP Paradise Driver

Sad news on the passing of a fellow taxi blogger Wil who at one time posted from Mau'i from  http://paradisedriver.blogspot.co.uk/
This from his grandson this morning.

Hey, this is Wil's grandson Justin.  I'm sorry to let you know but he passed last night in his sleep.  The family is sad to see him go but we were all fortunate enough to be able to say our good-bye's.  Even the members from different towns and states made it, which he was very grateful for.  He was also very grateful for the support and emails from you guys.  He mentioned you all and the blogs quite a bit and was very excited when we read him your responses.  The family would also like to thank you all for your friendship and support which gave him comfort in the end.  If you have any questions you can email me or my dad (  robertkyle@sbcglobal.net.   again, thank you and we'll all miss him

This is typical one of his posts take a look in the archives for more!

Friday, December 29, 4:00am in central Kihei.

"Where are we headed to ladies?"
"Take us to Fred's."
"Okay, Fred's it is."
"Actually we aren't going to Fred's, our condo is just past there."
"What's the name of your condo?"
"We can't remember but its just past Fred's. We'll recognize it when we see it."
"Not a problem. Just tell me when to turn."
"How much is it going to cost me to get there?
"Gee. Since I have no idea where we are headed, its kinda hard to give you an estimate."
"Thats okay. Just give me a rough guess. I hope I have enough to pay you."
"Lady, the meter trips at $3.50 and then its 30 cents per 1/10th of a mile after that."
"Good. I have enough."
Their destination was about a mile south of "Fred's". Gave me $16 on a $10.10.
They spoke very softly with each other as we rode and one said something about both of them having been good. At least one of them had been very good.
The car reeked of sex
RIP Wil.

Fuel Frustration

Now being a taxi driver has recently been named as one of the ten most stressful jobs so it’s best to try and be calm and placid all the time whilst working, or else they say that the stress will eventually kill you.

Now nothing usually gets to me, I tend to try and ignore the bad driving and rudeness of the minority who are the morons of the road.

But one thing really gets my teeth gnashing and my rarely used stock of swearwords in full flow.

It was a busy day, I was low on fuel, and so during a lull I headed into my usual supermarket garage to top up the diesel.

But it looked as if every other driver in town had the same idea at the same time and all the lanes were backed up.

After doing the usual dip zoo magazoo to pick which lane to wait in I joined a line of cars.

Much later I was next in line and it was finally about to be my turn at the pump.

The driver of the car in front of me had got into their car and I moved eagerly forward ready to take its place.

The driver happened to be a woman but I have had the same maddening experience from both sexes.

 She firstly checked her hair and makeup in the mirror and then carefully stowed away her credit cards cash and sweeties etc, into her handbag.

 I started to edge forward as she put her bag on the floor and started to fasten her seat belt.

 But after fiddling about finding the buckle and adjusting the belt to her liking, she then found that her keys were not in the ignition, so it was off with the belt and back out with the full contents of the bottomless bag.

By this time, all the other lanes had emptied but another car had come up close behind me and I was helplessly trapped not earning and squirming with frustration.

A good few minutes later and the missing keys were found, the seatbelt was fastened, and my hopes were again rising.

Only to be cruelly dashed when a final mirror check revealed some defect in her eye make-up.

Yep you guessed it the make-up was in the bottomless bag on the floor and so it went on with her still blissfully unaware of the queue behind her.

That is until she noticed that my taxi was now only a coat of paint away from her car and that I was revving the engine and mouthing curses about her and all her ancestors before her.

She drove of looking quite flustered, I filled up whilst taking deep breaths, and considering a change of career perhaps a Buddhist monk or a soot juggler eh!

  

 

Arithmetic

On a bright Sunday morning, the job was to pickup from one of the more upmarket Lake District country house hotels and takes some folks the 100miles to Manchester airport.

The luggage was loaded and my fare turned out to be a German couple and an English guy in his thirties who had been attending a posh wedding at the hotel.

They were all flying back to Tenerife where they were living and working.

They seemed to be a reasonably intelligent and sophisticated group and the ride went quickly and smoothly enough, with the couple chatting and the guy playing with his i-phone.

That is until we reached the airport and its unloading point. Now as the airport is very busy and security is very tight only a few minutes are allowed to unload before you are firmly moved on.

The only thing which needed to be done before we unloaded the luggage was to quickly pay me the £90 owed for the taxi fare.

 They were it turned out splitting the fare between the couple and the single guy and so they each had some notes in their hands.

I could not believe it when the single guy instead of handing over the cash appeared to be concentrating on sending a text on his i-phone.

This went on for a full two minutes and I was getting more and more stressed thinking about the parking fine that I would surely be getting.

But then looking a bit closer at his beloved phone I realised with amazement that he was actually using the calculator function to try and figure out half of £90.

“Forty five” I blurted out a bit too loudly whilst rolling my eyes and shaking my head in exasperation.

Believe it or not, he then actually finished checking this simple sum on his phone for a further thirty seconds before handing over the cash.

Don’t think I have ever come as close to swearing before.

Walney Mosque

I had picked up from a local supermarket; my fare was a middle aged woman who started to whinge about everything and anything from the very moment she got into the taxi.
She was going to Walney island and on the way started to whinge about problems she had about the island, after a moan about the wind which is always prevalent over there she started on the subject of new folks moving on to the island. "The bloody p***i's are taking over the place" she moaned, "They are even taking over the bloody pubs," she cried.
She explained what she meant in a long racist rant which boiled down to that some Asians had taken on a local island pub the King Alfred and turned part of it into an Indian restaurant and renaming it the Mr Elephant, and then they had gone on to take over the George Hotel another island pub which has long been in decline.
Driving along Walneys promenade, she looked up towards what was a long abandoned church which has now been demolished apart from its bell tower and was covered by scaffolding.
“What are they doing there?” she asked pointing at the tower.
Instantly my evil alter ego kicked in and keeping a straight face, I lied to her that it was going to be the new mosque for all the muslins moving onto Walney.
Egged on by the look of sheer outrage on her face I went on to say that they had left the bell tower intact to convert to a minaret so that the call to prayer could be heard all over the island.

She was still muttering and plotting petitions and letters to her MP when I dropped her off ten minutes later.

I keep laughing about it every time I drive past the pretend mosque several times a day; hope she doesn’t remember me next time I pick her up eh!

Porche Taxi

 A Porche Taxi in Bangkok or so it seems this is a publicity stunt for Samsung.

Eyes bigger than the belly!

 I took these photos on Barrow's Rating Lane during the morning rush hour. This is a semi suburban area with lots of traffic and students passing to and from the three nearby schools and college.
 I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the hawk take the wood pigeon down in mid flight especially when I saw that it was about equal in size.
I stopped the taxi and did a hasty u-turn back to where the hawk had its intended meal pinned down and then zoomed in from across the road.
I don’t know if the hawk was disturbed by me taking the photos or it had bitten of more than it could chew with the size of its victim, but the softies amongst you will be glad to know that shortly after the hawk posed for these photos the pigeon flew away unharmed apart from a few lost feathers.

CowHorse

It constantly amazes me that when I point out this funny road sign to my fares most have never noticed it before. The sign is on one of the busiest roads out of Barrow and thousands and thousands of folk drive past many times a day without even noticing it. I love the way its done so skillfully a cross between a cattle warning and a horse and rider sign, very clever.

Code of Conduct

Below is a copy of our local councils proposed code of conduct.

Personally I agree with all of it and it seems to me to be all common sense.

I know of some local drivers who are whinging about it but the local trade desperately needs to improve standards of both cars and drivers.

It doesn't take more than a quick look around our local ranks and driver hangouts to spot a minority of drivers who fail to keep themselves and the cars which earn them a living clean and tidy.

The biggest problem in the local trade is simply apathy, drivers will moan and whinge about the trade between themselves but wont bother to get up off there butts and do something about it.

A copy of this proposed code of conduct has been sent to all the drivers but most of them if they bother to read it at all will simply moan about the cheek of the local council expecting them to come to the WORKPLACE clean and tidy.

 I just wonder if this code of conduct will be enforced, I sincerely hope so!

 We are often the first point of contact when we pick up people from out of the town, what sort of first  impression do we want to leave them with!

Overkill or Not?

Just got this e-mailed to me! what do you think is this really necessary in this quiet Cumbria backwater or should we not be taking chances nowadays?
Are things getting that bad nowadays that taxi drivers should really be considering investing in one of these. Maybe not but then again think back to just over twelve months ago since Cumbria taxi driver Derek Bird went on a rampage with a shotgun killing twelve people including a fellow driver and shooting and attempting to kill two more cabbies.  

The Language Barrier

Well not so much the language but the dialect of two Indian doctors I had picked up that wanted to go to the local hospital.. I asked them which entrance and one of them said "ANY".. Fine. Maybe I should ask again so I did and got the same response "ANY". I said "Are you sure you want any entrance?" and he said YES.

I then said I would take them to the main entrance and he said "No... I want any entrance". This had me a little baffled until he said it a bit slower. "I want A and E Entrance".

I felt a right plonker.

Furness Tours

If you get the chance check out my new venture, which seems to be generating  quite a lot of interest. The website is www.furnesstours.co.uk

Candy Cabs

Just been sent an E-Mail asking if I would like to buy a new taxi as pictured above. Apparently its one of the cars used in the new BBC series Candy Cabs. Mmmm tempted but maybe not eh! might not go down well when picking up some of our more macho fares.

Pre-booked cab

Some people will always book their taxi well in advance and will ask for a taxi at 9am or 10.30pm or five to eleven etc etc but there's always one that has to be a bit eccentric I suppose..

I didn't think anything of it at first until I noticed on the PDA screen (image to the left) that the job was pre-booked for 9.02pm and even so I thought that the customer had rang it asking for it in 20 mins and the telephonist at our end had booked it in as 20 minutes from the current time for example but curiosity got the better of me and so I questioned the young man and asked "What time did you book your cab for" expecting him to say 9pm. He actually said 2 minutes past nine and went on to explain that he was meeting a girl in the pub and had told her that if she wasn't there by 9pm that he would be going without her and he had rang the taxi at 8pm ish anticipating that she wasn't going to turn up and allowed 2 minutes at 9pm and then got in the taxi and went on his way.

Things people say in an argumant

It was around 11pm last night that I picked up a young man and woman who were constantly arguing with each other from the moment they got in the car. The argument stopped briefly to allow one of them to tell me where they wanted to go to and then it started again as quickly as it stopped.

I didnt want to get involved and just kept driving and saying nothing as on a lot of occasions they do try and involve the driver with questions such as "What do you think then? I am right or is she right?" I don't get involved in other peoples arguments as I just want to get my job done. Get them to their destination, get the fare from them, and move on to my next job.

However, I couldnt help but laugh when the girl says to Boy "You think you are gods gift to women, well sorry to burst your bubble but gods gift to women runs on batteries! :) " --- Made me laugh anyway

Window Cleaner

I have gotten used to some of my fares taking their own sweet time coming out of their houses and getting into the Taxi that they have ordered. Usually it’s a case of not being quite ready because the cab arrived quicker than they thought. Sometimes they struggle to find keys, mobile phone, tickets etc, this is par for the course and doesn’t bother me unduly.

But today when I arrived outside the fares house bang on time was a first for me and left me slightly bewildered. My fare, a well dressed fairly normal looking woman looked out of her front door and raised one finger towards me which is the usual signal to say that she would be out in a minute or so. Imagine my surprise when she reappeared with a window cleaning squeegee and promptly started to clean her front bay window.

She rushed at it as a woman possessed and the squeegee was a blur as she washed and dried off her window in record time.

She then threw the window cleaning gear back into her house, came out, and got in the taxi.

She could see my perplexed expression and so had to give me some kind of explanation.  She said “that mucky window has been driving me mad all morning and I just couldn’t leave the house with it like that, it would have driven me mad thinking about it.”

Some folk really are a bit strange eh!

Busy Docks

The local Docks in Barrow in Furness seem to be booming at the moment. Everywhere you look on every spare inch of water a ship or boat is moored.

 This comes about because of the boom in the offshore wind turbine industry.

 We have several big projects going on at the moment in the Irish Sea off Walney. Unfortunately, most of the materials and labor are supplied by the Dutch and Danish, I would have liked to have seen more UK involvement but as most of the investment is by Danish companies, we will have to accept it as sort of second invasion of the Vikings. Still I have had quite a few of the workers and crew as passengers and they seem like a nice bunch of characters.

Wondering about amongst all these ships and boats looking for my fare I was amazed to spot an ex RAF jetfighter hidden away in a corner, How did that get there?

Pen and Paper

On a wet and windy Saturday, afternoon and my fare who was a woman of a mature vintage shivered and dripped copious amounts of cold Barrow rainwater as she climbed into my cab. After the usual weather related chit chat, she declared that she had only ventured out into town in this heavy storm to buy some paper and refills for her fountain pen. Refills for a pen I exclaimed why not just buy another pen surely; they only cost a few pence. She looked horrified at the very idea and asked just when the last time that I had received a handwritten letter was. I thought about it for a minute or two and had to admit I couldn’t remember receiving one for many a year.
Come to think of it, the only items that seem to come by post nowadays are bills, computer written official letters or printed junk mail adverts. When I told her this she gave a knowing smile and asked what I do with this correspondence,” it goes straight into the shredder” I replied.  Well she says, “I have been writing to as many as thirty different folk all over the world some as far away as Australia for the last fifty years and all of them tell me that they still have every one of my letters”.   She must have seen the puzzled look on my face and as if for explanation dug into, her leather bag and pulled out a sheath of handwritten letters. Take a look at some of these she urged, and so when we pulled up outside her house I took the time to check out one or two.
The envelopes and paper used were all of the very best quality and the handwriting was absolutely superb, even though the heavy paper was unlined, every line was equally spaced and looked like a piece of artwork. Not a spelling mistake or grammar error could be seen. Wow, it was a pleasure to even look and read one of the multipage masterpieces, never mind to actually have one sent to you through the post.
I really was impressed and if a Parker fountain pen came along with a spellchecker, I may have even thought about investing in one. No, wonder her readers treasured her letters and I hope that she keeps the art of letter writing alive for many years to come.      

Concept Taxis

Take a look at this slide show of Concept New York Taxis
The Maxi addresses the very real threat of violence facing cab drivers. Says Johnson, “For the sake of exaggeration, the taxi looks impenetrable and fearsome, like a Brink’s truck.

New York Taxi?

Is this the long awaited replacement for the iconic New York Taxi? This is one of the finalists.

Hello Sailor

 Spotted this one and could not resist reposting it! But really do think that there may be some truth in amongst it.
Details have been released regarding Britain's introduction of the next generation of fighting ships: The Royal Navy is proud of the cutting edge capability of the new fleet of Type 45 destroyers.
Having initially named the first two ships of this class HMS Daring and HMS Dauntless, the HM Ships naming committee have, after intensive counselling, renamed them HMS Cautious and HMS Prudence.
The final four ships are to be named HMS Empathy, HMS Nervous, HMS Timorous and HMS Apologist.
Costing £750 million, they have been designed to meet the needs of the 21st century; in addition to state of the art technology, weaponry, and guidance systems, the ships will comply with the very latest employment, equality, health & safety and human rights legislation.
They will be able to remain at sea for several months and positively bristle with facilities.
For instance, the new user-friendly crow's nest comes equipped with wheelchair access.
Live ammunition has been replaced with paintballs to reduce the risk of anyone getting hurt and to cut down on the number of compensation claims.
Stress counselors and lawyers will be on duty 24hrs a day, and each ship will have its own onboard industrial tribunal.
The crew will be 50/50 men and women, and balanced in accordance with the latest Home Office directives on race, gender, sexuality and disability.
Sailors will only have to work a maximum of 37hrs per week in line with Brussels Health & Safety rules even in wartime!
All bunks will be double occupancy, and the destroyers will all come equipped with a maternity ward and crèche, situated on the same deck as the Gay Disco.
Tobacco will be banned throughout the ship, but cannabis will be allowed in the wardroom and messes.
The Royal Navy is eager to shed its traditional reputation for "Rum, Sodomy and the lash"; out goes the occasional rum ration which is to be replaced by Perrier water, although sodomy remains: this has now been extended to include all ratings under 18.
The lash will still be available but only by request.
Condoms can be obtained from the Bosun in a variety of flavours, except Capstan Full Strength.
Saluting officers has been abolished because it is elitist, and is to be replaced by the more informal "Hello Sailor".
All notices on boards will be printed in 37 different languages and Braille.
Crew members will no longer be required to ask permission to grow beards or moustaches - this applies equally to the women.
The MOD is working on a new "Non specific" flag based on the controversial British Airways "Ethnic" tailfin design, because the white ensign is considered to be offensive to minorities.
The newly-renamed HMS Cautious is due to be re-commissioned soon in a ceremony conducted by Captain Hook from the Finsbury Park Mosque who will break a petrol bomb over the hull.
She will gently slide into the water to the tune of "In the Navy" by the Village People played by the Royal Marines.
Sea Trials are expected to take place, when she sets out on her maiden mission. She will be escorting boat loads of illegal immigrants across the channel to ports on the south coast.
The Prime Minister said that "While the ships reflected the very latest of modern thinking they were also capable of being up-graded to comply with any new legislation.
His final words were "Britain never, never waives the rules!"

Welcome Home?

At this busy junction leading onto Walney Island it is a bit of a local tradition to hang homemade banners greeting Walney residents as they arrive onto the Island. Now the usual thing we see is "happy birthday" or congratulations on a couples engagement or wedding anniversary. But the huge banner that someone had taken quite a lot of time and trouble to erect over the weekend has me baffled. It reads "welcome home Bobby K RN 2 yrs GBH.  What the heck is that all about? Are they welcoming home somebody called Bobby who has been in prison for two years for grievous bodily harm?  Or has it some other more cryptic meaning, none of my passengers seemed to know anything of it but most seemed to go along with the Bobby K getting out of prison scenario. Who knows the truth behind it eh!

Taxis drivers remember the troubles

Taxi drivers and ex drivers from Northern Ireland talk about their experiences during the Troubles. Desperate times, you can see the raw emotion from these guys even after a few years have now passed.

Halloween weekend chaos

Tonight started out as a very busy night and continued that way well into the early hours. The difference being is that after 11pm you deal with a different class of human being. so tonight I witnessed the following:

• Numerous fights all over the town usually by young sad pathetic knob rotting low life scum of the earth chavs who have half a pint of luke warm lager and think they can take on the world.

• At least 4 cars driving with a combination of no lights, swearing all over the road, driving at 10mph in a 30 zone and one of them coming down a one way street the wrong way with no lights on at all.

• A police car that pulled out in front of me giving no indication at all and then he proceeded to raise his hand whilst in his vehicle as to say STOP and this was after he pulled out on me and did a U turn.

• Loads of drunk people that can't seem to grasp the context of road safety and just walk out in front of you regardless of what's coming towards them

• I also saw the aftermath of 3 accidents, cars with windows smashed, no front wheel and no front end

• Another Police vehicle that had driven down a pedestrianised area (Dalton Road) and failed to stop at the Jcn of Buccleuch street as I was driving past and if I hadn't had slammed the brakes on he would have gone straight into the side of me.

Thats quite a lot for one night but I get the impression that the Police should certainly abide by the rules of the road if the rest of us have to and there was no sirens or blue lights illuminated so it doesn't give them any more right than a normal driver.

I know the Police are overstretched as they couldn't be everywhere and with so much going on in the town I expect there would have been more incidents as the night progresses

Why cant people learn that its not big and its not clever to drink and drive or to start fighting and acting like idiots under the influence of drink. They should be able to go out and enjoy themselves, know their limit and go home safely.

No wonder a lot of people who are sensible don't like going into town at night and from a Taxi Drivers point of view we are the ones doing the job of the police by getting them off the streets and taking them home. That's if they remember where they live or have the means to pay the fare,.

Beer , Cigs and the fare

This afternoon around 3pm I had the privilege of picking up one of the towns well known alcoholics and what fun that one was. She got in the car sounding as gruff as a grizzly bear and as soon as she got it then she climbed out the other side asking if we were there yet.

Within a couple of minutes this man came out the house and got in the car and got her in the car as well. Just as I set off she said she had no money to pay the fare and wanted to get out. The man she was with wasnt amused with her and he had no money either.

Then she says she wants me to take her to the shop so she can buy a bottle of cider and some cigarettes which got me thinking that if she didn't have any money then how can she afford those luxuries. (I mean necessities to her). I asked to saee her money and make sure she had enough to pay the fare. She handed me a £10 note and told me to take the fare out of that but could I wait at the shop. I set off and waited at the shop and she came back out saying she couldnt get served as I had her money and she wanted it back to by what she wanted. I figired that what she would buy would leave her with no money for the taxi and I questioned her on this. Her attitude was that I could wait for my money and she would drop it in the office for me next week. (I doubt she would even remember).

I stood my ground, refused to give the the money. The man in the car was on my side and kept trying to get her to see sense. I then proceeded to take them to their destination and I gave them change out of the £10 note.

he then complained that she didnt have enough for cigs and cider as this was more important than a stupid daft taxi fare.

Just cant understand some people

Man does a runner after £220 taxi ride

Local to where we are based this story made the news today which actually got me thinking as numerous drivers have had people do a runner on them without payment and the police always seem to deal with it differently more often than not saying that its a civil offence and not criminal as I think they just dont want to get involved with it all. So why cant all cases be treat as an offence. Surely if someone makes off without paying then that at the very least is "Obtaining pecuniary advantage". Eother way its still theft, deceit or something similar.

The story in pour local paper is about a man who does a runner after £220 taxi ride from Wales to Haverigg (About 25 miles from Barrow In Furness)

-----------------------------------------

A MAN failed to pay for a taxi from Wales to Haverigg, a court heard.

Trefor Evans, 22, yesterday pleaded guilty to a charge of deceit for not paying for the taxi.

Evans told Furness Magistrates’ Court that he made the taxi journey from Caernarfon to visit his mother, Sharon Sweeney who lives in Townhead, Haverigg.

Evans said he had taken the 190-mile trip from his home because his mother was upset and asked him to visit her.

When he arrived at the destination, he told the taxi driver that neither he nor his mother had the money to pay the £220 fare.

He told the court: “My mother phoned me and she said she wanted me to come down. She was crying on the phone. I said I couldn’t visit because I couldn’t pay for the trip.

“But she said she would pay for it on the other side. When we got to the house, she said she didn’t have the money. I thought that I was in a bad situation.

“I was in a bad situation and didn’t know what to do.”

Mr Evans then ran away from the driver, Darren Fitzjohn, as he unsuccessfully tried to get the money for the fare from his sister.

He was originally due to appear in front of the magistrates on October 12.

Evans, who is unemployed, said he missed the original date because he lived in Wales and didn’t have the money to travel to Barrow.

He said: “I couldn’t get back up here from Caernarfon.

“I fell out with my mother over this situation and had nowhere to stay up here.”

Magistrates asked Evans to think carefully about whether or not he knowingly left Wales with the intention of not paying the fare.

Evans told the hearing he felt that he was guilty as he had failed to pay the fare and wanted the case to be dealt with so he could return home.

Evans, of Bro Seiont, Caernarfon, was ordered to pay £220 compensation to the taxi driver.

Drunken Woman

Its not that often I get out on the road these days as a taxi driver but when I do I`m always looking for something interesting.

Last night I picked 3 women up that had been to a party. It was a family party, there was mother, daughter and daughters daughter and most people can go out and have a good time and go home happy but its not always the case as there is always one who cannot handle their drink.

The middle aged woman in tha back of the car sandwiched between the other two was extremely abusive verbally to both the other passengers. Now the journey meant 3 different people being dropped off at 3 different addresses and I was just hoping the drunken woman would not be the last in case she couldnt pay the fare.

After having to listen to a torrent of four letter words and abuse from this woman directed at the other two I was glad to get to my first drop off address where one woman got out of the car followed by the abusive woman who then started shouting at the top of her voice in the street waking up residents. She was soon shoved back in the car and I carried on my journey. I had only got about 100 yards up the road when they started fighting in the back of the car.

It was at this point I stopped the car and told them both to get out. The drunken one fell out and was all over the place. the other one was very apologetic and paid the fare and so I went on my way.

What I cant understand is why people have to have stupid arguments, get aggressive and not be in control of themselves and its usually the women.

Alcohol enhances your mood so if you go out in a good mood you should in theory go home in a good mood. Unfortunatly it works the other way as well so if you go out looking for trouble then the chances are that you will find it.

Its all part of the job description these days and my main concern is for the safety of myself and other passengers as well as other road users if the vehicle is moving so by getting them out the car I think I did the right thing.

Naked in summer

Well its been a while since I posted and the reason behind this is that I have spent very little time out on the roads as Bob has been on holiday for a couple of week enjoying the delights of America and beyond and I have spent most of my time in the office doing the things that Bob would normally do as well as doing my own work in there as well as trying to get to the gym for a workout.

I'll tell you a little story which actually goes back a few years when a passnger rang up to complain that a naked driver had picked her up and insisted that he was wearing no clothes at all.

It turns out the driver was wearing a pair of green shorts but whilst sat in the drivers seat his flab from his oversized belly dropped down convering his shorts and making him look naked.

Of course, with me going to the gym, I don't have that problem... Ahem....

Mobile Phones in Cars

This is what happens when the driver in front of you is using a mobile phone and negotiating a roundabout. I dont think the driver noticed the blue car on the inside lane

No answer

I was sat there listening to the taxi radio when the operator shouted up a driver and there was no response. She then shouted another driver and again there was no response. This went on for about 4 different drivers then all of a sudden all I heard over the radio from the operator was

"Is anyone rogering me tonight or not" I think I knew what she meant but the way iot came out sounded more like something else if you know what I mean. I just went into fits of laughter

Roger - Over and out

Motorway Madness

A few times in the last 3 or 4 week I have had reason to make use of Britain's motorway network. Now consider these are suppose to be the safest roads to drive on then there should be no problem with a nice easy drive as you head out on your journey.

Speeds on motorways in the UK are 70mph (around 120kmh) and the roads are wider, usually 3 lanes or more. All traffic goes in one direction, no roundabouts or traffic lights, no pedestrians or cyclists and all you need do is obey the rules oif the road and you should be OK.

One of my pet hates when motorway driving is idiots that come right up behind you, (Tailgating). Its dangerous as they are not leaving a large enough gap to stop in time should you need to brake hard but this last few week its not been the tailgater, Its been the white van driver and the sales reps.

They think they own the road and feel that its ok to not use their mirrors, pull out without indicating, overtake without warning, undertake and generally swerve from lane to lane.

Each one I actually managed to drive passed I looked at them and everyone of them had a mobile phone to their ear and driving with one hand on the wheel and obviously by their manner of driving they were not concentrating.

One lady driver had a mobile phone to her ear and a map laid out in front of her whilst she was driving.

Perish the thought of an accident waiting to happen. Every single person that weaved or drove erratically was on the phone at the time. The fine is £60 and and endorsement on the licence but this doesn't seem to deter these people.

Airport Journeys

Recently I have done a few airport runs picking up foreigners who need to be brought to the home town. Its not a bad run down the motorway and the journey can be completed in 2 hours each way so there's always a time for a good craic with the passengers assuming they speak good English.

This is actually usually the case and you can talk about all sorts of things with them and feel that after a 2 hour journey that you know them. Some just talk about work and some just grunt the odd English word at you.

One guy I picked up this week couldn't stop eyeing up the girls. It was beautiful weather and the girls were out wearing next to nothing and every female we past no matter what age or what they look like, he remarked saying that English girls very beautiful.

Another gentleman I picked up who couldn't speak much English was listening to music on the car radio and he kept joining in with English songs and words but well out of tune. I think he was trying to learn the language

The best of the lot really is what most foreign passengers do when you take them to the car... They try and get in the drivers side as they are not used to the fact that we drive on the left.

Drunk Driver

Last Night I was taking a fare to nearby Ulverston when we came acorss a car weaving all over the road and mounting the pavements. I decided to follow this car whilst I had my passengers on board who didnt seem to mid as I struck a deal with them over the fare, I called the police whilst following the drunk driver who seemed to be lost and kept doubling back on himself until he made a wrong turning at the local cemetery and drive into a wall.

It was at this point that I went bumper to bumper with him to stop him from moving, jumped out and grabbed his car keys. The police turned up literally seconds later. The man in his early 50s could hardly speak and was incapable of taking a brethalyser test.

At this point I realised that I had done my bit for society and got a drunk driver off the road but then got a lecture off the police saying that I should not play the part of a hero and should not put myself in danger. I can see the officers point now but at the time you dont think of this sort of thing and I wasnt on my won. I did have 2 passengers on board a male and female.

Anyway, bottom line is, a drunk driver taken off the road afetr I witnessed him narrowly miss a bus and 2 pedestrians. To me its a job well done and if I see the same again then I would do the same again.

Sorry but I've no time for drink drivers

The price on the meter....

This weekend gone I picked up 3 dumb blonde girls who must have been around 16 years of age each. The conversation in the car gave me the impression that none of them could afford to go out to a party but they felt they needed to and only had £30 between the 3 of them.

Part way into the journey one of the girls realised she had left a birthday card behind and asked me to turn round and go back so she could pick it up. No problem there but then she asked me if I could stop the meter and kept saying things like" Your not going to charge us for this extra bit of journey are you?"

I explained that the price on the meter is the price they pay and its not my fault that one of then had forgot the card. This didnt sink in and all 3 of them ended up demanding I turn the meter off and start the journey again once they have picked up the card.

It didnt wash with me and I carried on regardless and charged them the fare on the meter which came to £4.90p . They insisted that I should knock £2 off as I had to go back but as it want my fault I told them to take responsibility for their own actions and due to their incompetence it has now cost them more money and I am not knocking anything off the fare.

The fare was paid in full which caused the 3 girls to get out of the car trying to add up how much they could spend. One said that they had £25 left between the 3 of them so that makes £10 each for drinks and they would scrounge a lift home instead of a taxi.

Seems to me they need to learn how to do maths.

Hammer Attack

Reports are coming my way of a Bank Holiday super sunday assault on one of our companies drivers. Details are vague at the moment but it looks like it was a planned assault as the assailant was waiting ready to ambush the driver.

The story has made national news headlines and is available at this link http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/cumbria/8603328.stm

It is so annoying that this sort of thing happens and it was only 16 months ago that I personally was assaulted and had a knife held to me. All we are doing is trying to provide a public service and assaults should not have to be part of the job description.

I really do hope that whoever this person is that assaulted one of our drivers gets caught and locked up for a very long time but knowing how stupid the British Jusdicial system seems to be then the accused wil probabl get away with a small fine or a slap on the wrist.

In a roundabout way

Some people would say that Taxi drivers are the worst drivers on the road and that they think they own the roads. Others would blame trucks, buses or white van drivers. Either way, these people are professional drivers as they use the roads for their business every day and therefore have more experience.

This doesnt stop an accident from happening but one momentary lapse of concentration could cause an accident as seen in the CCTV footage below taken from the forward facing camera in the taxicab.

We encounter various traffic scenarios every day on the roads and have to be alert all the time. This is one of the reasons why you have to take a special driving test to become a taxi driver and sho awareness at all times.

Look out for the car approaching from the left and driving straight into my path

Mothers Day

A typical mothers day. Always guaranteed to be a busy one as I found out yesterday. I didn't get started til around 1pm due to a very late night the night before and I ran non stop all day as mothers from all walks of life were being taken out and treated for dinner.

It made a pleasant change than taking drunks home late at night and all in all it looks like everyone was having a lovely day with their familys.

Now, if only every Sunday could be as busy as this.

This leads me on to one elderly lady that I picked up with her daughter and son in law who went on to tell me how her family had always been there for her no matter what and as she is now 99 years old she feels she is a burden on them as they have to do everything for her but as her daughter explained to me that she didn't mind and that "mam was there for me when I was younger and now its my turn to be there for her and repay all that kindness over the years".

Good old family values, You don't see much of that these days

Embarrasing Names

Quite often when one of our telephonists takes a phone call from a customer, they don't always hear the name correctly. This could be for a number of reasons such as loud noise in the callers background, An unusual to pronounce name, The callers too drunk to say their name properly as well as operator error where the telephonist hasn't listened properly or has hit the wrong keys on the keyboard and spelt it incorrectly.

Not too long ago I got sent for a job in the name of "Proudcock", When I did pick up the fare, it turned out the name was "Proudfoot". Makes you wonder what was going through the operators mind at the time of the call.

However, earlier on today was the best so far as the image shown on the PDA unit below shows.

The name was "BASTET". Now if I try to say this as its spelt then it can very easily be mistaken for the word "Bastard" and I thought that there's no chance of me risking having my face used as a punchbag by someone if I pulled up outside the pub and shouted "Is anyone a Bas**rd.

I double checked with the radio operator and it turns out the name was BASSET.

Has anyone else ever picked up passengers with strange names or given to you incorrectly by a radio operator

Mobile Phones

Is it me or are the public at large generally thick when it comes to using mobile phones.

Normally if you can't hear the person on the other end then you would turn up your volume a bit but a passenger in the car this afternoon was on a call and he couldn't hear what his mate was saying and demanded that his mate "Turn HIS volume up so that his mouth is louder". (His words, not mine)

When you turn the volume up on a phone you are increasing the level in the ear piece. Not the mouthpiece. He then went on to say to his mate that he couldnt hear him for all the music in the background. Wouldnt it have made sense if that person had left the room and moved somewhere quieter before attempting to make the phone call.

Driver Safety

As a driver, we do everything we can to make sure that our passengers are conveyed to their destination in comfort and safely. This means showing exceptional alertness to the roads and surroundings as well as to everything that is going on in the car.

Usually, the passengers reciprocate this by thanking you or offering a tip but a bunch of rowdy drunken lads I picked up tonight had other ideas. One lad sat behind me decided that he would reach over and put his hands over my eyes so I couldnt see where I was driving. My immediate reaction was to slam the brakes on and perform and emergency stop.

The guy in the back headbutted the seat and the guy in the front shot forward but was saved by his seatbelt. The other two people in the back were not happy with the person who had put his hands over my eyes and verbally had a go at him.

I leapt out the car, pulled the back door open and yanked this idiot out of the car onto the floor and told him that this is where the journey ends. The others apologised on his behalf and paid the fare. I told him he was lucky that I didnt give him a good hiding for what he did as it was dangerous

To my surprise, the 3 other lads took it into their own hands to sort him out and as I drove off they were kicking and punching him. I left them to it. Wasn't my problem anymore. I got paid so was quite happy.

It goes to show what a split second of an idiotic prank could do to me or the car but in this case it back fired on the prat and he got what he deserved by his mates.

Ah... Justice... and I didnt have to do a thing.

A Narrow Escape

Out on the roads today I was nearly caught up in an accident whilst driving down a main road at 24mph. Obviously the car coming out from the left didn't look properly and must have only glanced in my direction for him not to see me and pulled straight out in front of me. Its lucky I was only going slow and had a good reflex reaction when I did an emergency stop otherwise I could have hit him.

The oronic thing is that the car behind me was a police vehicle that witnessed what had happened as he had to brake as well to avoid hitting me. Yet, the other car carried on totally oblivious to me being there and the police vehicle also carried on rather than turn round and have works with the driver.

In-Car CCTV footage shows the incident