No Body

I knew that it would be one of those funny sorts of days today when the first customer of the morning got out of the cab and sort of absentmindedly said "bye bye love you see you later"
I don't know who she was thinking of but I don't think it was me somehow.
I think she realised what she had said going by her pausing mid step and shaking her head and smiling before hurrying away. 
The very next job and it was pouring it down and I could just make out my fare walking down her garden path. As she got closer the handbag I thought that she had in her hand started to look very much like a human head being carried by its long hair. And as she got still closer that's exactly what it appeared to be she was swinging it casualty as if it was perfectly natural to be in possession of  some poor souls head.
I was just about to drive of as fast as possible when I noticed the lack of blood and as she got still closer that our body-less friend had a distinct plastic look to him. It turns out that she was an apprentice hairdresser and was taking our friend nobody back to college after using him for styling practice.
I suggested that she may like to pop him in a plastic bag next time she takes him out and about or she may end up practicing first aid instead of styling on her next taxi driver.

Last Century

At a meeting I attended at our local Town Hall the Taxi licencing officer suggested that it would be a good idea for the local taxi firms to exchange information on issues concerning the trade. A kind of Taxi Watch.
This would be useful to drivers, then bad payers and violent fares could be banned from all firms.
The only easy way to do this this would be an e-mail exchange between firms, but as we from the trade pointed out even in this day and age some of the firms unbelievably don't even have an e-mail address.

 Just what century they are living in in is a mystery not being able to send and receive e-mails is doing a disservice to both the firms and its drivers. 

The licencing officer has contacted all the firms to try and set this taxi watch scheme up and has asked those lacking one to supply an e-mail address.
Guess what? Absolutely no response from any of the firms!
Does this show that they don't give a shite for the well-being and safety of drivers or are they all just lazy buggers who cant be bothered?

Exotic Pets

A guy who was one of my fares today was telling me that his job is to deliver exotic pets like spiders snakes and lizards to pet shops and private buyers all over the U.K.
 Last week he told me he delivered some rock lizards to a house in a rough area of Glasgow, the buyer asked him to come upstairs and he then showed him a thirty foot long Anaconda snake. 
Will you swap it for the rock lizards he was asked? 
He thought about it for a short while and then remembered that this huge snake because it needed the warmth would have to travel in the front of his van with him, he declined the offer. 
Yes I think I maybe would have as well.

Neverbe Paid For

A guy gets in the car today and says "Lakeland Drive Ratings Village please" I looked at him and said ohh! You mean the old Listers factory site don't you. 
He didn't like me calling his brand new fancy housing estate that one little bit, but that’s what most people who remember the old factory it was built on call it.
It take a generation before any new name like that becomes accepted and used by locals. 
 There is this thing they do nowadays of giving posh names to these places and adding tens of thousands to the price.
Have you noticed that they don't build streets anymore, all new builds are called Mews, Gardens, Groves or some such fancy title, talk about pretentious eh! 
 There is one such new estate locally  with a "street" called Neverby Drive on; of course when we taxi drivers refer to it we call it Neverby paid for.

Wrong Impression

She was a pretty young thing who was deep in conversation on her mobile phone when I picked her up.
 She stopped talking just long enough to tell me where she was going and then shortly after the conversation with her boyfriend I guessed, started to get a bit saucy.
 She was describing in great detail exactly what she was going to do to him when she got to his house; she seemed to be totally oblivious of me overhearing her. 
The nearer that we got to the address she was going to the more she seemed to get excited about what was to take place. By this time my neck was hurting with the strain of looking dead ahead and trying not to look like I was listening.    
 We finally pulled up outside her destination and she asked the lucky guy to come out and pay for her cab fare, I got the shock of my life when it was a girl who came out to pay. 
Still as I always say to gay ladies "we have a lot in common" and when they ask what I reply "well we both like girls!".

Tooth Hurty

This last week or so I have picked up quite a few short jobs were the fare worked out at £2.30 and on some of these occasions when I said "£2.30 please".

The passengers looked at me and said, "Go and see a dentist then".

It didn't sink in with me at first until one fare seeing my baffled expression said "What time does a china man go to the dentist?”

Doh... and then is hit me! Why am I so daft sometimes  eh?

Devious Sunday

I have found that Sunday mornings are always good for a laugh. One fare is the little old lady off to her church service and the next is a bleary eyed drunk still blinking at the harsh morning light. I pick up all the people that wake up in strange places with a bad head, or somebody else with a worse head.
 Funny how all the girls try to justify themselves they tell me even though I don’t ask that "they stopped at a girlfriends house last night". One lady "and I use the word loosely" hailed me early one Sunday morning" Leicester St" she says, but that’s only a hundred feet away I said "So five pounds Leicester St" she replied. I am not going to argue about making easy money so off we go. We get round the corner and there’s the irate hubby waiting on the doorstep hands on hips and obviously very angry, she then makes a big show of handing over the five pounds to make sure he sees it being paid and no change given, must have been making out she had come from much further away, devious eh!.

Poor Relations

I see Barrow has been treated as the poor relation yet again by Cumbria County Council up in the far north of our county. Money for these schemes to police taxi ranks has absolutely no chance of trickling down here It seems that when Carlisle get hold of our council tax that they want to spend it much closer to home, never mind us poor forgotten  folk down in the south of the county.


News & Star | News | Taxi marshals scheme in west Cumbria hailed a success

Dead Granny

One of the most common moans I get from my passengers is about the rundown state of our Town Centre shopping streets. They bemoan the lack of shops and complain that most of those remaining are pawn brokers, charity shops, and hairdressers.

They just don’t seem to grasp the fact that whilst they are moaning I am usually taking them to or picking them up from one of our many huge supermarkets.

It’s far too late to complain now after years of spending the bulk of our cash in the supermarkets most town centre's are now beyond saving.

Maybe if Tesco etc had stuck to simply selling groceries then maybe, we would still have a little bit of life left in our shopping precincts.

 But it seems that they want to own the whole world by moving into typical high street trades like chemists, florists, opticians, etc.

  Banking and insurance aren’t immune from the march of the multinationals progress either and I hear Tesco will even buy your scrap gold from you nowadays.

As I said to one of my fares the other day it won’t be long before you can drop your dead granny off at customer services and collect the ashes in an urn of your choice along with your shopping at the checkout, complete with Tesco club points! 

What Barrow Taxi Drivers Put Up With

This is a small sample of what our local taxi trade here in Barrow in Furness has to put up with at the weekends. This is happening mainly after midnight when people have pre-loaded on cheap supermarket booze before heading into town. This is why the taxi trade is pushing for 3am early closure orders. Get folk out earlier and drinking in the more controlled environment of local pubs and clubs.

24 Hour Failure

We need to go back to sensible licensing hours then maybe we can save some of our pub's and working folk club's from closure.
People blame the smoking ban it's not that, it's the fact that because town centre clubs are open until 6am so the younger generation drink at home and then go out after midnight. Locally we only have to look at the nearby town of Ulverston  where the pubs are thriving even though everything closes before 2am. You will find lots of Barrow folk making the ten mile trip simply because nothing happens in Barrow until midnight. Tony Blair thought that with 24hr drinking we would become a cafe society and sip a glass of wine with a plate of pasta. Not a chance! we are Northern Europeans who consume as much alcohol in the shortest time possible. So let's get back sensible closing times and save our taxi drivers and folk in the licensed trade from this government sponsored idiocy.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2424718/24-hour-drink-law-disaster-Police-chiefs-brand-round-clock-pubs-terrible-mistakes-drunk-tanks-cope-late-night-mayhem.html

Net Beast

I had picked four guys up and one of them was saying how he had been talking to a 22 year old nymphomaniac in an internet chat room the previous night.
 His mates howled with laughter when I interrupted with the comment that it was probably a 22 stone transvestite for all he knew.
 There are still many gullible folk about who believe because they want to believe. 
 It reminded me off the young lady I took back to her home in Blackpool recently, which is about 70 miles from here; she had come through to visit someone she had met in the chat rooms and ended up staying the night.
 I said don’t you find that dodgy had you met him before or anything no she said we just spoke via the keyboard.
 Anyway as we drove along I had a better look at her in the rear view mirror and not to put to fine a point on it she was a beast!  So I don’t know how she had described herself to the poor guy but I bet he got a hell of a fright.
 She did tell me that he had paid the full £70 taxi fare so that says a lot to me.

Taxi Nightmare

Taxi (2013) Director Kevin Sharkey Producer Colm Sexton from Kevin Sharkey on Vimeo.
A Taxi ride turns into a nightmare for the driver and the female passenger. Caution: Strong language, racist and drug references. Shot on Canon 600D and 650D. Locations in Temple Bar and Clontarf, Dublin, Ireland

Jail Phone

A strange letter arrived at the local Taxi office that I work from the other day.
It was headed as coming from Her Majesty's Prison, which one I won't say to protect the identity of the letter writer. The writer explains that they had been picked up by one of the Acacia taxis a while ago and then found that they had no cash to pay the driver. Whether this was maybe an attempt to do a runner or not we don't know so let's give him the benefit of the doubt eh!
Anyway, the driver must have had the good sense to not let him get away with it and promptly asked for the guy's phone as surety.
 So the prisoner was explaining in the letter from jail that the next day he had been arrested and then sent to prison. What for he doesn't say in his letter so lets hope it isn't anything too bad eh! 
He didn't know who the driver was or what car he drove and only gave the street which he had been picked up from and a rough date.
 Amazingly, when the operator radioed over and asked if anyone knew anything about it a driver answered right away and confirmed that he had the guy's phone.
The prisoner asked in his letter if the driver could keep hold of his phone until he was released from incarceration in a few months' time.
Luckily, for him the driver readily agreed to this. But as no one was willing to write back in reply to the prisoner I guess that he will have to remain in suspense tucked up in his cell until he is finally released.     

Nee Naw

I was a bit curious when I spotted this car sporting the words N.W Blood Bikes.

I mean blood and bikes could mean any number of things to a lot of people eh?

So of course I googled it and the website tells me that they" provide a voluntary out of hours transport service to our local hospitals by carrying urgent and emergency blood, blood derivatives, samples, donor breast milk for premature babies, Doctors notes, and theatre equipment, in fact anything that can be carried by motorcycle, between hospitals.

We provide this service through the night, at weekends and Bank Holidays enabling hospital funding to be better spent on patient care."

Mmm I thought that sounds familiar, isn't that exactly what we as a local taxi service do every day of the year 24 hours a day. Of course we charge for our services but that's part of what we do for our living. Why do these seemingly charity minded bikers want to steal the bread from our table?

Is it because they want to help out the poor old cash strapped National Health Service?

Mmm maybe so but aren't they inadvertently helping to downgrade that very service into a charity aided shadow to the private health industry?

I have just heard recently that our area here in Furness has had a reduction in emergency ambulance cover down from five units to two. Oh but don't worry if anything major happens we can rely on the air ambulance helicopter to help. 

Mmm but wait a minute isn't that charity funded as well?  

What next: sponsor's names on staff uniforms and collection boxes in casualty maybe?

We should remember that we all pay towards the NHS and we shouldn't be helping to dismantle it.

But maybe the truth is that these guys may have the best of intentions but being blunt they could be seen as macho weekend warriors playing at being an emergency service rider.

Nee Naw Nee Naww eh!

Murder Miles

As soon as I saw the guy come out of the White House hotel I recognised him, it had been a long long while but I definitely remembered him.

A bit creepy with body language you somehow can’t interpret and laughing at inappropriate times was what I recalled most about him.

 He got in the cab without making eye contact and mumbled his destination and so we set of for Askam which is about six miles away.

 Not seen you for a long while I said, must be twelve or fifteen years maybe eh?

Have you moved away or something I asked.

 Without looking at me, he said, “No I’ve been in prison for a long while “without thinking it I stupidly said oh aye! What for?

” MURDER” he casually, replied.

There was an awkward silence for a while with me frantically racking my brain for a safer subject

How’s your father then not seen him for a while I asked?

It was him I was in jail for killing he said without looking up from playing with his phone.

Rest of the now long long journey in  total silence.

Back To School

After the story of my Taxi Ride To Academia you might like to see how I got on with my exams.
I don't think I did too shabbily  for a Taxi Driver from up here in the wilds of Barrow in Furness where education is more  industry biased town rather than academic. With absolutely no previous exam experience and with no study or revision at all. Straight in from the street it felt rather, like a lamb going to the slaughter. Make me think that if a good education had been available to me then things could have been a lot different than they are now.
 But who knows eh!

Watch the TV show here

Strangely Remote

When I went to collect my passenger from a Walney pub on Friday morning it wasn't quite what I was expecting. A red faced guy walked from the pub and opened the passenger door and dropped a TV remote control onto the front seat. I looked to him and then the remote quizzically and patiently waited for the story. None was forthcoming, I guess he was a bit embarrassed, he just handed me some cash and told me the address where the remote was to go. When I reached the home of the remote control the door was half opened by a puzzled looking woman in pyjamas, who stared blankly at the remote. But then a little girl appeared who looked delighted to see the wayward remote, and so without another word I handed it over and left. Who knows what the story was, your guess is as good as mine is.

Short Skirt = Low Fare

A council is considering urging taxi firms to provide cheaper cab fares for women who wear revealing clothes.

Brentwood Borough Council is considering the bizarre move in a bid to stop women wearing short skirts or low-cut tops becoming a target for sex attackers.

The council is considering discounted taxi prices so that 'provocatively dressed' women can be driven back home and have less of a problem getting a ride. 

So lets get this right this council wants taxi drivers to subsidise fares according to what females are wearing.

Sort of the less they are wearing then the cheaper the fare!

I wonder who would be the judge of whether the outfit they were wearing was revealing enough. Would they have to do a twirl whilst the driver decided if they looked sexy enough or would it be up to the customer to point out how short the skirt they were wearing was?

Would the other attributes of the lady be taken into account, is she attractive enough to be at risk?

And isn't this all a bit sexist, I mean do cross dressers qualify.

Maybe the term Daft as Brushes fits some of the councilors in Brentwood like a well filled padded bra.    

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2394260/Brentwood-Borough-Council-considers-taxi-fare-discount-scantily-clad-girls-stop-attacked.html#ixzz2c3nVuEXP
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2394260/Brentwood-Borough-Council-considers-taxi-fare-discount-scantily-clad-girls-stop-attacked.html

Norway PM Drives a Taxi

Maybe some of our politicians here in the UK should take a leaf out of his book.

Maybe it would take them down a peg or two and they may see what goes on in the real world. 

The Big Fella

The fare who I picked up early one morning at first glance looked like a big rough fella not the type you would like to be on the wrong side of an argument with. But somehow he seemed a bit quiet and subdued, after a few too many minutes of silence I tried breaking the ice by asking” been fighting” looking at the scratches and bruises on his face. 

He said nothing for a while just looked at me and obviously, thinking about what he was going to say. “It’s the girlfriend,” he said quietly, yes what about her I asked. She has too much to drink and then she batters me. I’m sick of it he said people think it’s me but no, I just stand there like a punch bag and take it.

That’s the third mobile phone of mine she’s smashed to pieces and about the tenth shirt she’s ripped to shreds. The next day she can’t apologise enough and always says it won’t happen again but it always does, I've had enough he said I can’t stand it anymore.
So male or female most cases of domestic violence I come across seem to have the demon drink lurking somewhere in the background.

My Mate Jimmy

Heres one from a while back that I have revived.

It was 7:30am on a wet Sunday morning and the party was still in full swing as I waited outside a town centre house for my fare. After a minute or two, a guy dashed out, opened the cab door, and thrust some cash into my hand. "Your fares coming out" he said "do us a favour and pretend you know him, it's just a windup." Being a lover of a good windup I more than willingly agreed. He then quickly told me the guys name and address and a few more handy facts about him. Moments later my fare, who looked as if he had just woken up after spending the night in a hedge, staggered out.

 As soon as he got in the car, I greeted him with "Hi Jimmy are you going home then mate?" He looked at me quizzically and nodded and after a minute or two asked, "do you know me ". I gave him my best hurt expression and replied" Yes course I do, hey! You're not mad with me for not making your birthday bash last week are you?" "Err no mate" he replied and then kept giving me sideways glances as I asked him "how his sister Marie was doing" and" was he still seeing that skinny lass."

 When we reached his street, he asked stunned "do you know where I live as well?" "Of course I do," I said as we pulled up outside his house. Bewildered he started to look in his pockets, for cash to pay me, "no Jimmy have that one on me," I said. "Thanks mate," he said sorry for not recognising you, I think the drink is getting to me" "What do you mean?" I asked, "Loads of people were talking to me last night and I couldn't remember who they were," he said. As he walked away, I could hear him muttering to himself about "not touching that stuff again" and "never going out again."

A Taxi Ride To Academia

  It all started with a strange phone call from a Victoria who said she worked for the ITV Tonight programme.

Would I like to take part in the programme?

After getting over the initial shock, I got a few more details from her about what it was all about and learned that the story was to be about the controversial changes to the GCSE exams which are proposed for 2015.

It seems that they want drop the coursework part and make it all exams based a bit like the old O level      

or CSE.

So the challenge was to actually sit them both and then decide which you thought was the hardest.

Six candidates would take part in this, all in front of camera and recorded in every gory detail, all a bit terrifying I thought.

But why me, a mere Taxi Driver who left school many years ago at the tender age of fifteen without taking either of these highfalutin fancy exams? 

Well it seems that Victoria had read some of my views on the standards of numeracy and literacy of some of my fares. Such as the two who needed a calculator to divide a fare of £90 between the two of them or the many who just cannot tell right from left. But still, I like a challenge and despite reservations, I said I would have a go. After all I had left school such a long time ago that all the bad memory's had drifted away like ghosts in the light.

So it was off down to Manchester on the Monday and a drive round in the taxi whilst being interviewed on camera, scary stuff but as it was in my comfort zone, the taxi where I felt a bit more in control it wasn't as bad as I feared.  After a night in a hotel down Manchester, the really terrifying bit began. The building being used was the beautiful but huge and imposing Manchester Grammar School.

As we turned into the sports grounds and down the long drive to the stunning entrance some of the long suppressed dread and fear of school started to bubble to the surface. But once inside the crew and the other victims soon put me at ease again. I decided to keep positive and just relax and enjoy the day.

The other five masochist's were a bit of a mixed bunch and included a man who was a bookshop owner, a charity worker who delivered healthy food to needy area's, a lady who ran a successful review website, a lady who was a retired teacher and a very tall lady university administrator. The last two ladies (pictured) kept mentioning a place unknown to me called Academia one had worked there for many years and the other was still there, dunno what part of the world its in but it sure sounds exotic! The presenter we found was the well respected Aasmah Mir who soon put us all at ease. All in all it was a very slick well organised operation which was really interesting to see being pieced together.

  Three of us opted to take both exams on the subject of English leaving the other three with the dreaded maths.

Well if you want to know how I the long uneducated Taxi Driver from the grim north fared against better educated and far more academic folk from the big city you will just have to watch the Tonight show on the 22nd August. 

 

The group of exam candidates.

The two visitors from mysterious Academia. 

Anti Drink Drive Video

EU set to enforce tough new MOT rules on motorists

EU set to enforce tough new MOT rules on motorists

"Confessions Of A New York Taxi Driver"

Just bought the Kindle version of Gene Salomons book. Its a very good read check it out here

Too Broke to Retire

This from Roy at Irish Taxi an edited TV documentary about the difficulties facing taxi drivers who just cannot afford to retire.

 This tells the story of the Irish drivers but I strongly suspect that this situation is the same for drivers in the trade worldwide.

Being a Taxi Driver, A view from outside the trade.

A guest post from fellow Barrovion Matt from Ram Tracking.

Being a taxi driver

The beauty of being a taxi driver is that, to an extent, you are your own boss, you are in your own car and you get to communicate with a variety of different people. Let’s face facts, as a taxi driver you are never going to be short on stories; some nicer than others. However there are always going to be risks involved with this; personal safety being the most important; thankfully this is rare and you should feel safe in your job. There are new measures that you will have seen popping up such as the introduction of CCTV in taxis.

If being a taxi driver is your profession then one of your most valuable assets is your car. Have you ever wondered what you would do if it was stolen? Not only would you lose the main tool of your trade but think of the other things that you could lose. Satellite Navigation Systems, CD’s, Radio, money; these are all things that could be kept in your car. However, I think most taxi drivers have the intelligence to remove, or at least hide these from view, to protect their car and job. Think about it though, what if the worst did actually happen? How would you pay your bills? Think of the ‘even more’ expensive insurance premiums! What if your vehicle was tracked as part of a fleet? This means that you could instantly locate your car. Also, this would be ideal for personal safety as someone could find you if needs be in an emergency. I just think it could be something to consider. It may seem ‘Big Brother’ to some but to others it may seem like a personal insurance.

From an outsiders point of view I have the upmost respect for taxi drivers; I can only imagine the stress that people actually go through in this job. Dealing with issues such as picking up drunks, having people in your car that you do not want to be there, feeling uncomfortable in your own car with strangers, and having ‘those’ people who think it’s more than OK to fit in more people than you can legally carry.

I can see some great benefits though as no-day is ever going to be the same, you get to meet a variety of different characters in an enclosed space, the conversation will always feel fresh and hopefully you get tipped more often than not.

Taxi driving, like any job, has its up and it’s downs. There will obviously be hazards but it is good to be aware of these so you can prevent things from happening. It saddens me when those things do however they do not outweigh the positives. There will also be great times where you have excellent company in your passenger seats; someone with a great sense of humour that makes you laugh, someone who has enjoyed your company they want to part with more money than it should cost, building a reputation as a taxi driver can reap great awards for you. Overall though, just like in any career, you should always let the positive outweigh the negatives.

This is a guest post written by Matt Jones on behalf of RAM tracking. Matt writes about a variety of topics including music, marketing and the vehicle industry. 

Smartphone Apps; The Way Forward?

A cracking in depth article in The Verge about the growing competition between the producers of smart phone apps.
It seems to be between the two big players US based Uber and Uk rival Hailo developed by London cabbies.
Only the bigger cities are using these smartphone apps over here so far, its started in London and Dublin but it wont be long before they spread countrywide.
The idea is that the fare has the app on their smartphone and when they want a taxi all they do is type in their location or even just click the pick-up point on a map.
The software then locates the nearest taxi by GPS and offers the driver the job if they accept then the taxi location, details and arrival time are shown on the fares smartphone. The fare can even track the location of their taxi and ring the drivers mobile phone direct.
 Uber is prepaid on ordering the taxi by credit card and is paid directly into the taxi drivers bank account Hailo drivers are able to accept cash payments, which some drivers prefer.
  Both systems charge the taxi driver and the fare a fee but Uber automatically adds a 20% tip for the driver.
Could this spell the end for the big private hire taxi operators, and would this be a good or a bad thing for the trade?
The best thing is maybe for the driver who would have the freedom to choose which jobs he wanted and when and where he wants to work.
 Drivers would have no need to join the radio or data circuits if they don't want to this would save them expensive weekly subscriptions or radio rent.
But this is unlikely to happen in practice in the areas away from the big city's mainly because not everyone has or wants a smartphone.
 The other main consideration is cost because of the extra charges from the app provider and the fact that this system is more likely to be taken up by independent hackney drivers who will run the meter on the local hackney rates which are usually slightly more than the rates charged by private hire firms.
But even though it will be a premium service, I can see it being very popular with the young upwardly mobile taxi users especially when in a strange town and not knowing your exact location or a local taxi number, just two clicks and the taxi is booked.

The other problem is that these app services are not a taxi company or service provider and as such will not be responsible for any lost property or deal with any complaints from fares.      

The Russian Dash-cam Supercut

A shift in the life. Cool video from a New York Cabbie

RIP Paradise Driver

Sad news on the passing of a fellow taxi blogger Wil who at one time posted from Mau'i from  http://paradisedriver.blogspot.co.uk/
This from his grandson this morning.

Hey, this is Wil's grandson Justin.  I'm sorry to let you know but he passed last night in his sleep.  The family is sad to see him go but we were all fortunate enough to be able to say our good-bye's.  Even the members from different towns and states made it, which he was very grateful for.  He was also very grateful for the support and emails from you guys.  He mentioned you all and the blogs quite a bit and was very excited when we read him your responses.  The family would also like to thank you all for your friendship and support which gave him comfort in the end.  If you have any questions you can email me or my dad (  robertkyle@sbcglobal.net.   again, thank you and we'll all miss him

This is typical one of his posts take a look in the archives for more!

Friday, December 29, 4:00am in central Kihei.

"Where are we headed to ladies?"
"Take us to Fred's."
"Okay, Fred's it is."
"Actually we aren't going to Fred's, our condo is just past there."
"What's the name of your condo?"
"We can't remember but its just past Fred's. We'll recognize it when we see it."
"Not a problem. Just tell me when to turn."
"How much is it going to cost me to get there?
"Gee. Since I have no idea where we are headed, its kinda hard to give you an estimate."
"Thats okay. Just give me a rough guess. I hope I have enough to pay you."
"Lady, the meter trips at $3.50 and then its 30 cents per 1/10th of a mile after that."
"Good. I have enough."
Their destination was about a mile south of "Fred's". Gave me $16 on a $10.10.
They spoke very softly with each other as we rode and one said something about both of them having been good. At least one of them had been very good.
The car reeked of sex
RIP Wil.

Fuel Frustration

Now being a taxi driver has recently been named as one of the ten most stressful jobs so it’s best to try and be calm and placid all the time whilst working, or else they say that the stress will eventually kill you.

Now nothing usually gets to me, I tend to try and ignore the bad driving and rudeness of the minority who are the morons of the road.

But one thing really gets my teeth gnashing and my rarely used stock of swearwords in full flow.

It was a busy day, I was low on fuel, and so during a lull I headed into my usual supermarket garage to top up the diesel.

But it looked as if every other driver in town had the same idea at the same time and all the lanes were backed up.

After doing the usual dip zoo magazoo to pick which lane to wait in I joined a line of cars.

Much later I was next in line and it was finally about to be my turn at the pump.

The driver of the car in front of me had got into their car and I moved eagerly forward ready to take its place.

The driver happened to be a woman but I have had the same maddening experience from both sexes.

 She firstly checked her hair and makeup in the mirror and then carefully stowed away her credit cards cash and sweeties etc, into her handbag.

 I started to edge forward as she put her bag on the floor and started to fasten her seat belt.

 But after fiddling about finding the buckle and adjusting the belt to her liking, she then found that her keys were not in the ignition, so it was off with the belt and back out with the full contents of the bottomless bag.

By this time, all the other lanes had emptied but another car had come up close behind me and I was helplessly trapped not earning and squirming with frustration.

A good few minutes later and the missing keys were found, the seatbelt was fastened, and my hopes were again rising.

Only to be cruelly dashed when a final mirror check revealed some defect in her eye make-up.

Yep you guessed it the make-up was in the bottomless bag on the floor and so it went on with her still blissfully unaware of the queue behind her.

That is until she noticed that my taxi was now only a coat of paint away from her car and that I was revving the engine and mouthing curses about her and all her ancestors before her.

She drove of looking quite flustered, I filled up whilst taking deep breaths, and considering a change of career perhaps a Buddhist monk or a soot juggler eh!

  

 

Arithmetic

On a bright Sunday morning, the job was to pickup from one of the more upmarket Lake District country house hotels and takes some folks the 100miles to Manchester airport.

The luggage was loaded and my fare turned out to be a German couple and an English guy in his thirties who had been attending a posh wedding at the hotel.

They were all flying back to Tenerife where they were living and working.

They seemed to be a reasonably intelligent and sophisticated group and the ride went quickly and smoothly enough, with the couple chatting and the guy playing with his i-phone.

That is until we reached the airport and its unloading point. Now as the airport is very busy and security is very tight only a few minutes are allowed to unload before you are firmly moved on.

The only thing which needed to be done before we unloaded the luggage was to quickly pay me the £90 owed for the taxi fare.

 They were it turned out splitting the fare between the couple and the single guy and so they each had some notes in their hands.

I could not believe it when the single guy instead of handing over the cash appeared to be concentrating on sending a text on his i-phone.

This went on for a full two minutes and I was getting more and more stressed thinking about the parking fine that I would surely be getting.

But then looking a bit closer at his beloved phone I realised with amazement that he was actually using the calculator function to try and figure out half of £90.

“Forty five” I blurted out a bit too loudly whilst rolling my eyes and shaking my head in exasperation.

Believe it or not, he then actually finished checking this simple sum on his phone for a further thirty seconds before handing over the cash.

Don’t think I have ever come as close to swearing before.

Walney Mosque

I had picked up from a local supermarket; my fare was a middle aged woman who started to whinge about everything and anything from the very moment she got into the taxi.
She was going to Walney island and on the way started to whinge about problems she had about the island, after a moan about the wind which is always prevalent over there she started on the subject of new folks moving on to the island. "The bloody p***i's are taking over the place" she moaned, "They are even taking over the bloody pubs," she cried.
She explained what she meant in a long racist rant which boiled down to that some Asians had taken on a local island pub the King Alfred and turned part of it into an Indian restaurant and renaming it the Mr Elephant, and then they had gone on to take over the George Hotel another island pub which has long been in decline.
Driving along Walneys promenade, she looked up towards what was a long abandoned church which has now been demolished apart from its bell tower and was covered by scaffolding.
“What are they doing there?” she asked pointing at the tower.
Instantly my evil alter ego kicked in and keeping a straight face, I lied to her that it was going to be the new mosque for all the muslins moving onto Walney.
Egged on by the look of sheer outrage on her face I went on to say that they had left the bell tower intact to convert to a minaret so that the call to prayer could be heard all over the island.

She was still muttering and plotting petitions and letters to her MP when I dropped her off ten minutes later.

I keep laughing about it every time I drive past the pretend mosque several times a day; hope she doesn’t remember me next time I pick her up eh!

Porche Taxi

 A Porche Taxi in Bangkok or so it seems this is a publicity stunt for Samsung.

Eyes bigger than the belly!

 I took these photos on Barrow's Rating Lane during the morning rush hour. This is a semi suburban area with lots of traffic and students passing to and from the three nearby schools and college.
 I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the hawk take the wood pigeon down in mid flight especially when I saw that it was about equal in size.
I stopped the taxi and did a hasty u-turn back to where the hawk had its intended meal pinned down and then zoomed in from across the road.
I don’t know if the hawk was disturbed by me taking the photos or it had bitten of more than it could chew with the size of its victim, but the softies amongst you will be glad to know that shortly after the hawk posed for these photos the pigeon flew away unharmed apart from a few lost feathers.

CowHorse

It constantly amazes me that when I point out this funny road sign to my fares most have never noticed it before. The sign is on one of the busiest roads out of Barrow and thousands and thousands of folk drive past many times a day without even noticing it. I love the way its done so skillfully a cross between a cattle warning and a horse and rider sign, very clever.

Code of Conduct

Below is a copy of our local councils proposed code of conduct.

Personally I agree with all of it and it seems to me to be all common sense.

I know of some local drivers who are whinging about it but the local trade desperately needs to improve standards of both cars and drivers.

It doesn't take more than a quick look around our local ranks and driver hangouts to spot a minority of drivers who fail to keep themselves and the cars which earn them a living clean and tidy.

The biggest problem in the local trade is simply apathy, drivers will moan and whinge about the trade between themselves but wont bother to get up off there butts and do something about it.

A copy of this proposed code of conduct has been sent to all the drivers but most of them if they bother to read it at all will simply moan about the cheek of the local council expecting them to come to the WORKPLACE clean and tidy.

 I just wonder if this code of conduct will be enforced, I sincerely hope so!

 We are often the first point of contact when we pick up people from out of the town, what sort of first  impression do we want to leave them with!

Overkill or Not?

Just got this e-mailed to me! what do you think is this really necessary in this quiet Cumbria backwater or should we not be taking chances nowadays?
Are things getting that bad nowadays that taxi drivers should really be considering investing in one of these. Maybe not but then again think back to just over twelve months ago since Cumbria taxi driver Derek Bird went on a rampage with a shotgun killing twelve people including a fellow driver and shooting and attempting to kill two more cabbies.