Prison Review

I always like to listen to people's regional accents and then try to guess exactly whereabouts they are from. Today I guessed correctly that my fare was from the Salford area straight after him saying where he was going to. He was that much impressed that I had said Salford and not the rival nearby Manchester that he strangely decided to give me the full low down on all the many prisons he had been in up and down the country.

 It was like an insider's guide with all the good and bad points of Her Majesty’s accommodation from all over the country. Apparently Armley jail in Leeds is best avoided" the screws don’t like you if you aren’t a tyke". But our local jail Haverigg "is just a holiday camp" compared to most. I just wish I had could have written it all down now, you never know when it may have come in useful eh!

Opp North

Now that the Welsh have signs in Welsh and the Scots in Gaelic it seems that us northerners are about to follow the trend. We tend to drop our Hs and Ws so it has been realised that millions of pounds could be saved by spelling things as we say them for example otel, old folks ome, orse stables, wheelbarra, central eating, any more examples welcome remember it all started with this sign in Barrow--- __ops sorry Barra.

Guilt Week

Well the six week long school holidays are just about over and sales of Vodka and Valium to stressed out parents will soon plummet. The last week is the one I call " guilty week" this is when lots of parents suddenly realise that the holiday is nearly over and they haven't done a thing with their kids. This means that we will be really busy as they rush around trying to cram treats like the zoo, bowling and dining out into the last few days. Others are still trying to rig the kids out in their new school uniform, and of course as usual wrestling matches will break out over that last school jumper or blazer.

Breastschool

I took a lady to the local train station today, she told me she was off to Preston on a university course. 
I asked what she was studying and her reply was “breastfeeding” I was amazed to hear this and thought she was pulling my leg.
 But no she assured me that she was a midwife and that she was on a twelve week course all about breastfeeding. She did assure me that it would be just theory with no practical work involved.

Yan Tan

I took an old guy to Ulverston one morning this week and when he counted the coins out to pay the fare he said “here’s dick tan lad keep the change,” This had me baffled so I asked him to explain what he had just said.

 He told me that it’s an ancient form of counting still in use by some of the Cumbrian upland sheep farmers to count their flock.

 So here goes with one to ten, don’t know if any of the spellings are correct this is just as he said them. 1 yan 2 tan 3 teddera 4 meddera 5 pimp 6 settera 7 lettera 8 hovera 9 dowra 10 dick .

It sounds like it may come from the Old Norse but best of all I like the one for 15 bumfit and the one for 20 jiggot.

 Right I'm off for a dick minutes rest might catch you in bumfit or so.

Back To School

After the story of my Taxi Ride To Academia you might like to see how I got on with my exams.
I don't think I did too shabbily  for a Taxi Driver from up here in the wilds of Barrow in Furness where education is more  industry biased town rather than academic. With absolutely no previous exam experience and with no study or revision at all. Straight in from the street it felt rather, like a lamb going to the slaughter. Make me think that if a good education had been available to me then things could have been a lot different than they are now.
 But who knows eh!

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