Christmas Twins

I had picked up a fare today, an ould lass going into town to get some last minute Christmas shopping. She was excitedly telling me that she was going to get presents for her little ones, as it was their very first Christmas. Now as she looked to be in her seventies I presumed that she must have been talking about her grandchildren.

I’m going to get them an activity centre, a climbing frame, a little tent to hide in, lots of cuddly toys and some chewy treats she said breathlessly.

Don’t you think that’s a bit too much and far to early, for that age they will be more interested in playing with the wrapping paper and boxes at that age I suggested helpfully.

She laughed and said, “Yes they will love that won’t they, oh and I must get a CD of Christmas carols for them to listen to whilst they have Christmas dinner”

Now I was getting confused and beginning to consider calling social services to rescue these two mistreated mites, so I asked if that since it was their first Christmas are they twins perhaps. Oh yes she said laughing crazily “ones brown and the others black”

All sorts went through my mind until it finally sunk into my poor confused head that she was talking about her newly acquired kittens! Dohhh!   

Black Eye Friday

Up here in this part of the North of England, we tend to call the last Friday before Christmas “Black Eye Friday”. It's the day most people finish work for the Christmas holidays, they tend to finish work early about lunch time and they then head straight down to the pub for a long boozy session.

 I find it amusing when it gets to about four o’clock in the afternoon I then start to pickup some of the less hardened boozers when they have had enough and want to go home.  Lots of them are then telling me what a good night they have had; they are convinced that because it's dark that it must be very very late at night. I never tell them any different and just drive them home.

 Once a year drunks I call them the very worst kind of drinker because they just aren't used to it, give me a seasoned drinker anytime.  They take ages to come out of the pub shaking hands, hugging everyone in sight, and then going back into the pub several times for yet more emotional farewells. Then once you get them into the taxi, the struggle is then to get them out of the taxi at the other end, because you are, their new very best friend in the whole wide world and they want to tell you their life story many times very very slowly and emotionally. Then its handshakes and if I’m very unlucky big bear hugs, but of course none of my new found best friends ever recognise me ever again.

Still merry Christmas and seasons greetings to all cheers.

Priest In The Confession Seat

    When a fare takes the option of walking past the front passenger door and ensconcing themselves behind me, I sometimes mention that they have taken the confessional seat. This happened today with a chap who was going to a local Catholic church, St Mary's in Barrow town centre.

"Funny you should say that" he said, "Because I am a clergyman".

                                             

Now driving a taxi is a great leveller and be they prince or pauper when in my taxi they are all treated as an equal to me and so I started out with a gentle mickey take. You will be looking forward to this cold spell that they are forecasting then. I asked with a straight face.

“Whys that then” he asked sounding puzzled. Well it will lead to a nice increase in funerals for you and a few more bob on the collection plate.

He realised that I was pulling his leg and laughed along with me when I said have you noticed in the local paper obituaries that they all die in alphabetical order. I am changing my name to Zebedee then he replied and then we got down to the real nitty gritty,

 I mean you can’t have a priest in the confession seat without talking religion can you.

I told him my view that the Furness area had always attracted religious elements even though it was at one time even more remote than today and could only be reached by crossing the treacherous sands of Morecambe bay.

We first must have had going by the stone circle on Birkrigg common druids or sun worshipers of some kind then of course, we have the Cistercians who founded the monastery at Furness Abbey in 1147, followed by the Quakers in the 1650s some say Furness was the birthplace of Quakerism.
 Then we have strangely in the 1970s the arrival of Buddhists at Conishead priory now the Manjushri Centre with its newly built golden temple.
He was more than a little interested in the Buddhists and told me that they are not the usual Zen Buddhists but a Tibetan sect called Kadampa who have a different set of beliefs and philosophy which he had studied and didn’t agree with, he of course preferred Christianity.
After a very interesting conversation when we arrived at his church and he was getting out I asked (already knowing the answer) which is older then Christianity or Buddhism then?  Buddhism is he said smiling as he passed the alms for this poor taxi driver.

      

Vodka Day

Today (Sunday) had a strange vodka theme running right through it.
One of the first fares was sporting the most swollen most multi-coloured bruised face I have ever seen and without me even asking him he tells me the tale of him being stabbed in the face by "a friend" 
"Aye we had both been on the VODKA" he said by way of explanation and then asked me to take him to a shop who would sell him a bottle of VODKA at 9am on a Sunday morning. The VODKA he told me was a sweetener for his alcoholic girlfriend who he had fallen out with after drinking too much VODKA.
Lots of supermarket pickups after that with people starting to get their Christmas booze supplies in including lots of them with bottles of this weeks special offer on VODKA.
Later one fare was walking away from the taxi when I heard the sound of breaking glass my fares bottle of VODKA had come right through the bottom of her plastic bag. She took this rather badly and for a respectable looking middle aged lady she sure knew some swear words. But luckily for me she hired me again to take her back to the shop to replace the bottle of VODKA with a new one.
Later I was taking  a young lass to a pub she was going out for the afternoon and she told me that she had been out the night before and instead of paying high pub prices for her drinks she had hidden a bottle of VODKA in her bag.
The last job of the day and again it was someone going out to the pub for the evening and the lass was on the phone to her mates who were already in the pub waiting for her. "Can you get me a drink in" she asked them  and when they agreed she said "aye make it a double VODKA and coke".
On the way home I noticed that the Town Hall flag was flying but I was too far away to see which flag it was I wouldn't have been at all surprised to see that it was a Smirnoff flag flying because we sure contribute to the profits of the VODKA trade round here.

 

999 Taxi

Well it seems that the NHS now want cabbies as well as transporting patients home when they are still in a lot of cases desperately unwell now want us to attend 999 calls as well.
Not a lot of us have any sort of medical training or experience so if this is true then we can expect serious consequences.
I have had many cases of transporting discharged patients home and being more than a little worried about how they would cope when they got home. Some are brought to the taxi in wheelchairs and struggle to stand to get into the taxi. Then we have a struggle to help them out at the other end sometimes into a cold house without any way of preparing hot food for themselves.
We do what we can but at the end of the day we are neither qualified or paid to go beyond just driving the taxi. The other big issue is that if we do enter the patients property then we are not insured and are wide open to accusations of dishonesty or worse.    

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2513856/Dial-999-TAXI-How-stretched-ambulance-services-rely-cabbies-police-firefighters-pick-patients.html#socialLinks

Sheep and Ladders

I was talking to a fare today who told me that he had just got back from the Falkland Islands, he works out there for six long lonely months at a time.
 There are about a hundred sheep to every single man he was telling me, so I asked him if he knew all his by their first names.

Lots of daft people up flimsy looking ladders round here in Barrow in Furness putting up Christmas lights, looking at some of the dodgy ladders I can see the local hospital casualty department doing a roaring good trade.

Legal High Delivery

As I pulled the taxi into a quiet side street near Barrow town centre to drop off my fare today the road was blocked by a horde of thirty or so people milling about on foot and in three or four battered looking cars.
They looked like a right seedy bunch and and it seemed to me that it was obvious that they were up to no good. Whilst waiting for them to clear a path I said as much to my passenger. "I know exactly what they are up to because I know some of them" he said. He then opened his window and shouted a name, at this one of the motley crowd ran off at fast as his dirty trainers could carry him. "That's my younger brother and they are there for a delivery of the latest batch of legal high that one of scrotes in the cars has brought into town."
What amused me about it was the place they had chosen to meet up and deal this so called legal high was right outside our local Alcohol and Drug Advisory Centre!
What does that tell you about what these so called legal highs do for brainpower or am I woefully wrong and they were making an anti establishment political statement?
Alcohol and Drug Advice Centre
  

Dirty Curtains.

It's always been a bit of a standing joke with some of my regular passengers when I get near to dropping them in their street I will say something like” which house is it again is it the one with the dirty curtains” or” is it the one on the rough end of the street”. But sometimes I do slip up and say things like that to people who I don’t really know, like today I said “oh you mean the one with the scruffy garden “ the lady didn't look very amused at all.
 There was a local driver who is long retired now but who was very well known for making remarks when he picked up or dropped of passengers, he would in all seriousness say such things as” that door could do with a fresh coat of paint” or that grass needs cutting and your hedge trimming” and “you can buy a brush and shovel cheap enough you know”

Bully Boys

There must be a whole generation of children growing up now who must be absolutely terrified of taxi drivers. There are lots of mothers who when the child won't sit still or be quiet use the threats of "the driver will shout at you"" the driver will throw you out," the driver will hit you."

I myself am perfectly mild mannered and non violent and have never been known to kick, bite or scratch at any time unless seriously provoked and I sometimes struggle to stop myself from laughing at these idle threats. Some of the younger kids do take it half seriously though and you can see them looking at me in frightened awe in case I really am the psychotic sadist that mother says I am. 

I don’t suppose we will get many taxi fares of these children when they grow up eh!

Plain Sailing

The fare who I later found out was a sailor on his way back to join his ship in Plymouth must have been taking his last fond farewells from his lady friend.
 She was still naked hiding her modesty behind the door she waved him off, only problem being she had forgotten that the door was glass.
 He come out to the taxi and got in we both looked back at her still waving to him and still unaware of her ample charms being on display. 
And then we looked at each other  and smiled and he said "daft cow."

Beckham

David Beckham gets into the back of my taxi the other day and he sees me looking at him in the rear-view mirror.
 After about five minutes patiently waiting I said: ''OK give me a clue.'' Beckham says: ''I had a glittering career at Manchester United, played in America and got over 100 caps for England, is that enough?''
I sighed and said: ''No, you idiot, where do you want to go?"

Amber Alert

Got a job this cold windy and wet Sunday morning at about 10 o clock picking up from one of our local churches. Not at all unusual on a Sunday to be picking up folk who have been to the Sunday morning service. We sometimes pick up an ould lass from this particular church and so I waited expecting to be picking up a little old lady.
I was more than a little shocked when a little old man strode out and jumped in the front passenger seat not because he was a man you understand but simply by what he was dressed in. A micro mini skirt with peach tights and a blouse and bright multi coloured jacket topped off with a peach headband worn on a completely bald head.
"That bloody winds going right up my mini skirt" started the conversation followed by "my names Amber Flowers, whats yours?"  Well once I had got over my initial shock and slight embarrassment we carried on a perfectly normal civilized conversation and I have got to say, what a nice person this turns out to be.

  Amber tells me that she suffers badly from nerves but all I can say is that it must take one hell a lot of nerve and a hell of a desire not to blend in with the crowd to dress this way.
I had seen her in passing quite a few times and must admit to keeping as much distance from her as possible, which I guess is what a lot of folk must do. But as they say "it takes all sorts"and Amber has chosen a slightly different perhaps harder path to the rest of us so lets hope its a happy one eh!  

No Body

I knew that it would be one of those funny sorts of days today when the first customer of the morning got out of the cab and sort of absentmindedly said "bye bye love you see you later"
I don't know who she was thinking of but I don't think it was me somehow.
I think she realised what she had said going by her pausing mid step and shaking her head and smiling before hurrying away. 
The very next job and it was pouring it down and I could just make out my fare walking down her garden path. As she got closer the handbag I thought that she had in her hand started to look very much like a human head being carried by its long hair. And as she got still closer that's exactly what it appeared to be she was swinging it casualty as if it was perfectly natural to be in possession of  some poor souls head.
I was just about to drive of as fast as possible when I noticed the lack of blood and as she got still closer that our body-less friend had a distinct plastic look to him. It turns out that she was an apprentice hairdresser and was taking our friend nobody back to college after using him for styling practice.
I suggested that she may like to pop him in a plastic bag next time she takes him out and about or she may end up practicing first aid instead of styling on her next taxi driver.

Last Century

At a meeting I attended at our local Town Hall the Taxi licencing officer suggested that it would be a good idea for the local taxi firms to exchange information on issues concerning the trade. A kind of Taxi Watch.
This would be useful to drivers, then bad payers and violent fares could be banned from all firms.
The only easy way to do this this would be an e-mail exchange between firms, but as we from the trade pointed out even in this day and age some of the firms unbelievably don't even have an e-mail address.

 Just what century they are living in in is a mystery not being able to send and receive e-mails is doing a disservice to both the firms and its drivers. 

The licencing officer has contacted all the firms to try and set this taxi watch scheme up and has asked those lacking one to supply an e-mail address.
Guess what? Absolutely no response from any of the firms!
Does this show that they don't give a shite for the well-being and safety of drivers or are they all just lazy buggers who cant be bothered?

Exotic Pets

A guy who was one of my fares today was telling me that his job is to deliver exotic pets like spiders snakes and lizards to pet shops and private buyers all over the U.K.
 Last week he told me he delivered some rock lizards to a house in a rough area of Glasgow, the buyer asked him to come upstairs and he then showed him a thirty foot long Anaconda snake. 
Will you swap it for the rock lizards he was asked? 
He thought about it for a short while and then remembered that this huge snake because it needed the warmth would have to travel in the front of his van with him, he declined the offer. 
Yes I think I maybe would have as well.

Neverbe Paid For

A guy gets in the car today and says "Lakeland Drive Ratings Village please" I looked at him and said ohh! You mean the old Listers factory site don't you. 
He didn't like me calling his brand new fancy housing estate that one little bit, but that’s what most people who remember the old factory it was built on call it.
It take a generation before any new name like that becomes accepted and used by locals. 
 There is this thing they do nowadays of giving posh names to these places and adding tens of thousands to the price.
Have you noticed that they don't build streets anymore, all new builds are called Mews, Gardens, Groves or some such fancy title, talk about pretentious eh! 
 There is one such new estate locally  with a "street" called Neverby Drive on; of course when we taxi drivers refer to it we call it Neverby paid for.

Wrong Impression

She was a pretty young thing who was deep in conversation on her mobile phone when I picked her up.
 She stopped talking just long enough to tell me where she was going and then shortly after the conversation with her boyfriend I guessed, started to get a bit saucy.
 She was describing in great detail exactly what she was going to do to him when she got to his house; she seemed to be totally oblivious of me overhearing her. 
The nearer that we got to the address she was going to the more she seemed to get excited about what was to take place. By this time my neck was hurting with the strain of looking dead ahead and trying not to look like I was listening.    
 We finally pulled up outside her destination and she asked the lucky guy to come out and pay for her cab fare, I got the shock of my life when it was a girl who came out to pay. 
Still as I always say to gay ladies "we have a lot in common" and when they ask what I reply "well we both like girls!".

Tooth Hurty

This last week or so I have picked up quite a few short jobs were the fare worked out at £2.30 and on some of these occasions when I said "£2.30 please".

The passengers looked at me and said, "Go and see a dentist then".

It didn't sink in with me at first until one fare seeing my baffled expression said "What time does a china man go to the dentist?”

Doh... and then is hit me! Why am I so daft sometimes  eh?

Devious Sunday

I have found that Sunday mornings are always good for a laugh. One fare is the little old lady off to her church service and the next is a bleary eyed drunk still blinking at the harsh morning light. I pick up all the people that wake up in strange places with a bad head, or somebody else with a worse head.
 Funny how all the girls try to justify themselves they tell me even though I don’t ask that "they stopped at a girlfriends house last night". One lady "and I use the word loosely" hailed me early one Sunday morning" Leicester St" she says, but that’s only a hundred feet away I said "So five pounds Leicester St" she replied. I am not going to argue about making easy money so off we go. We get round the corner and there’s the irate hubby waiting on the doorstep hands on hips and obviously very angry, she then makes a big show of handing over the five pounds to make sure he sees it being paid and no change given, must have been making out she had come from much further away, devious eh!.

Poor Relations

I see Barrow has been treated as the poor relation yet again by Cumbria County Council up in the far north of our county. Money for these schemes to police taxi ranks has absolutely no chance of trickling down here It seems that when Carlisle get hold of our council tax that they want to spend it much closer to home, never mind us poor forgotten  folk down in the south of the county.


News & Star | News | Taxi marshals scheme in west Cumbria hailed a success

Dead Granny

One of the most common moans I get from my passengers is about the rundown state of our Town Centre shopping streets. They bemoan the lack of shops and complain that most of those remaining are pawn brokers, charity shops, and hairdressers.

They just don’t seem to grasp the fact that whilst they are moaning I am usually taking them to or picking them up from one of our many huge supermarkets.

It’s far too late to complain now after years of spending the bulk of our cash in the supermarkets most town centre's are now beyond saving.

Maybe if Tesco etc had stuck to simply selling groceries then maybe, we would still have a little bit of life left in our shopping precincts.

 But it seems that they want to own the whole world by moving into typical high street trades like chemists, florists, opticians, etc.

  Banking and insurance aren’t immune from the march of the multinationals progress either and I hear Tesco will even buy your scrap gold from you nowadays.

As I said to one of my fares the other day it won’t be long before you can drop your dead granny off at customer services and collect the ashes in an urn of your choice along with your shopping at the checkout, complete with Tesco club points! 

What Barrow Taxi Drivers Put Up With

This is a small sample of what our local taxi trade here in Barrow in Furness has to put up with at the weekends. This is happening mainly after midnight when people have pre-loaded on cheap supermarket booze before heading into town. This is why the taxi trade is pushing for 3am early closure orders. Get folk out earlier and drinking in the more controlled environment of local pubs and clubs.

24 Hour Failure

We need to go back to sensible licensing hours then maybe we can save some of our pub's and working folk club's from closure.
People blame the smoking ban it's not that, it's the fact that because town centre clubs are open until 6am so the younger generation drink at home and then go out after midnight. Locally we only have to look at the nearby town of Ulverston  where the pubs are thriving even though everything closes before 2am. You will find lots of Barrow folk making the ten mile trip simply because nothing happens in Barrow until midnight. Tony Blair thought that with 24hr drinking we would become a cafe society and sip a glass of wine with a plate of pasta. Not a chance! we are Northern Europeans who consume as much alcohol in the shortest time possible. So let's get back sensible closing times and save our taxi drivers and folk in the licensed trade from this government sponsored idiocy.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2424718/24-hour-drink-law-disaster-Police-chiefs-brand-round-clock-pubs-terrible-mistakes-drunk-tanks-cope-late-night-mayhem.html

Net Beast

I had picked four guys up and one of them was saying how he had been talking to a 22 year old nymphomaniac in an internet chat room the previous night.
 His mates howled with laughter when I interrupted with the comment that it was probably a 22 stone transvestite for all he knew.
 There are still many gullible folk about who believe because they want to believe. 
 It reminded me off the young lady I took back to her home in Blackpool recently, which is about 70 miles from here; she had come through to visit someone she had met in the chat rooms and ended up staying the night.
 I said don’t you find that dodgy had you met him before or anything no she said we just spoke via the keyboard.
 Anyway as we drove along I had a better look at her in the rear view mirror and not to put to fine a point on it she was a beast!  So I don’t know how she had described herself to the poor guy but I bet he got a hell of a fright.
 She did tell me that he had paid the full £70 taxi fare so that says a lot to me.

Taxi Nightmare

Taxi (2013) Director Kevin Sharkey Producer Colm Sexton from Kevin Sharkey on Vimeo.
A Taxi ride turns into a nightmare for the driver and the female passenger. Caution: Strong language, racist and drug references. Shot on Canon 600D and 650D. Locations in Temple Bar and Clontarf, Dublin, Ireland

Jail Phone

A strange letter arrived at the local Taxi office that I work from the other day.
It was headed as coming from Her Majesty's Prison, which one I won't say to protect the identity of the letter writer. The writer explains that they had been picked up by one of the Acacia taxis a while ago and then found that they had no cash to pay the driver. Whether this was maybe an attempt to do a runner or not we don't know so let's give him the benefit of the doubt eh!
Anyway, the driver must have had the good sense to not let him get away with it and promptly asked for the guy's phone as surety.
 So the prisoner was explaining in the letter from jail that the next day he had been arrested and then sent to prison. What for he doesn't say in his letter so lets hope it isn't anything too bad eh! 
He didn't know who the driver was or what car he drove and only gave the street which he had been picked up from and a rough date.
 Amazingly, when the operator radioed over and asked if anyone knew anything about it a driver answered right away and confirmed that he had the guy's phone.
The prisoner asked in his letter if the driver could keep hold of his phone until he was released from incarceration in a few months' time.
Luckily, for him the driver readily agreed to this. But as no one was willing to write back in reply to the prisoner I guess that he will have to remain in suspense tucked up in his cell until he is finally released.     

Nee Naw

I was a bit curious when I spotted this car sporting the words N.W Blood Bikes.

I mean blood and bikes could mean any number of things to a lot of people eh?

So of course I googled it and the website tells me that they" provide a voluntary out of hours transport service to our local hospitals by carrying urgent and emergency blood, blood derivatives, samples, donor breast milk for premature babies, Doctors notes, and theatre equipment, in fact anything that can be carried by motorcycle, between hospitals.

We provide this service through the night, at weekends and Bank Holidays enabling hospital funding to be better spent on patient care."

Mmm I thought that sounds familiar, isn't that exactly what we as a local taxi service do every day of the year 24 hours a day. Of course we charge for our services but that's part of what we do for our living. Why do these seemingly charity minded bikers want to steal the bread from our table?

Is it because they want to help out the poor old cash strapped National Health Service?

Mmm maybe so but aren't they inadvertently helping to downgrade that very service into a charity aided shadow to the private health industry?

I have just heard recently that our area here in Furness has had a reduction in emergency ambulance cover down from five units to two. Oh but don't worry if anything major happens we can rely on the air ambulance helicopter to help. 

Mmm but wait a minute isn't that charity funded as well?  

What next: sponsor's names on staff uniforms and collection boxes in casualty maybe?

We should remember that we all pay towards the NHS and we shouldn't be helping to dismantle it.

But maybe the truth is that these guys may have the best of intentions but being blunt they could be seen as macho weekend warriors playing at being an emergency service rider.

Nee Naw Nee Naww eh!

Murder Miles

As soon as I saw the guy come out of the White House hotel I recognised him, it had been a long long while but I definitely remembered him.

A bit creepy with body language you somehow can’t interpret and laughing at inappropriate times was what I recalled most about him.

 He got in the cab without making eye contact and mumbled his destination and so we set of for Askam which is about six miles away.

 Not seen you for a long while I said, must be twelve or fifteen years maybe eh?

Have you moved away or something I asked.

 Without looking at me, he said, “No I’ve been in prison for a long while “without thinking it I stupidly said oh aye! What for?

” MURDER” he casually, replied.

There was an awkward silence for a while with me frantically racking my brain for a safer subject

How’s your father then not seen him for a while I asked?

It was him I was in jail for killing he said without looking up from playing with his phone.

Rest of the now long long journey in  total silence.

Back To School

After the story of my Taxi Ride To Academia you might like to see how I got on with my exams.
I don't think I did too shabbily  for a Taxi Driver from up here in the wilds of Barrow in Furness where education is more  industry biased town rather than academic. With absolutely no previous exam experience and with no study or revision at all. Straight in from the street it felt rather, like a lamb going to the slaughter. Make me think that if a good education had been available to me then things could have been a lot different than they are now.
 But who knows eh!

Watch the TV show here

Strangely Remote

When I went to collect my passenger from a Walney pub on Friday morning it wasn't quite what I was expecting. A red faced guy walked from the pub and opened the passenger door and dropped a TV remote control onto the front seat. I looked to him and then the remote quizzically and patiently waited for the story. None was forthcoming, I guess he was a bit embarrassed, he just handed me some cash and told me the address where the remote was to go. When I reached the home of the remote control the door was half opened by a puzzled looking woman in pyjamas, who stared blankly at the remote. But then a little girl appeared who looked delighted to see the wayward remote, and so without another word I handed it over and left. Who knows what the story was, your guess is as good as mine is.

Short Skirt = Low Fare

A council is considering urging taxi firms to provide cheaper cab fares for women who wear revealing clothes.

Brentwood Borough Council is considering the bizarre move in a bid to stop women wearing short skirts or low-cut tops becoming a target for sex attackers.

The council is considering discounted taxi prices so that 'provocatively dressed' women can be driven back home and have less of a problem getting a ride. 

So lets get this right this council wants taxi drivers to subsidise fares according to what females are wearing.

Sort of the less they are wearing then the cheaper the fare!

I wonder who would be the judge of whether the outfit they were wearing was revealing enough. Would they have to do a twirl whilst the driver decided if they looked sexy enough or would it be up to the customer to point out how short the skirt they were wearing was?

Would the other attributes of the lady be taken into account, is she attractive enough to be at risk?

And isn't this all a bit sexist, I mean do cross dressers qualify.

Maybe the term Daft as Brushes fits some of the councilors in Brentwood like a well filled padded bra.    

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2394260/Brentwood-Borough-Council-considers-taxi-fare-discount-scantily-clad-girls-stop-attacked.html#ixzz2c3nVuEXP
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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2394260/Brentwood-Borough-Council-considers-taxi-fare-discount-scantily-clad-girls-stop-attacked.html

Norway PM Drives a Taxi

Maybe some of our politicians here in the UK should take a leaf out of his book.

Maybe it would take them down a peg or two and they may see what goes on in the real world. 

The Big Fella

The fare who I picked up early one morning at first glance looked like a big rough fella not the type you would like to be on the wrong side of an argument with. But somehow he seemed a bit quiet and subdued, after a few too many minutes of silence I tried breaking the ice by asking” been fighting” looking at the scratches and bruises on his face. 

He said nothing for a while just looked at me and obviously, thinking about what he was going to say. “It’s the girlfriend,” he said quietly, yes what about her I asked. She has too much to drink and then she batters me. I’m sick of it he said people think it’s me but no, I just stand there like a punch bag and take it.

That’s the third mobile phone of mine she’s smashed to pieces and about the tenth shirt she’s ripped to shreds. The next day she can’t apologise enough and always says it won’t happen again but it always does, I've had enough he said I can’t stand it anymore.
So male or female most cases of domestic violence I come across seem to have the demon drink lurking somewhere in the background.

My Mate Jimmy

Heres one from a while back that I have revived.

It was 7:30am on a wet Sunday morning and the party was still in full swing as I waited outside a town centre house for my fare. After a minute or two, a guy dashed out, opened the cab door, and thrust some cash into my hand. "Your fares coming out" he said "do us a favour and pretend you know him, it's just a windup." Being a lover of a good windup I more than willingly agreed. He then quickly told me the guys name and address and a few more handy facts about him. Moments later my fare, who looked as if he had just woken up after spending the night in a hedge, staggered out.

 As soon as he got in the car, I greeted him with "Hi Jimmy are you going home then mate?" He looked at me quizzically and nodded and after a minute or two asked, "do you know me ". I gave him my best hurt expression and replied" Yes course I do, hey! You're not mad with me for not making your birthday bash last week are you?" "Err no mate" he replied and then kept giving me sideways glances as I asked him "how his sister Marie was doing" and" was he still seeing that skinny lass."

 When we reached his street, he asked stunned "do you know where I live as well?" "Of course I do," I said as we pulled up outside his house. Bewildered he started to look in his pockets, for cash to pay me, "no Jimmy have that one on me," I said. "Thanks mate," he said sorry for not recognising you, I think the drink is getting to me" "What do you mean?" I asked, "Loads of people were talking to me last night and I couldn't remember who they were," he said. As he walked away, I could hear him muttering to himself about "not touching that stuff again" and "never going out again."

A Taxi Ride To Academia

  It all started with a strange phone call from a Victoria who said she worked for the ITV Tonight programme.

Would I like to take part in the programme?

After getting over the initial shock, I got a few more details from her about what it was all about and learned that the story was to be about the controversial changes to the GCSE exams which are proposed for 2015.

It seems that they want drop the coursework part and make it all exams based a bit like the old O level      

or CSE.

So the challenge was to actually sit them both and then decide which you thought was the hardest.

Six candidates would take part in this, all in front of camera and recorded in every gory detail, all a bit terrifying I thought.

But why me, a mere Taxi Driver who left school many years ago at the tender age of fifteen without taking either of these highfalutin fancy exams? 

Well it seems that Victoria had read some of my views on the standards of numeracy and literacy of some of my fares. Such as the two who needed a calculator to divide a fare of £90 between the two of them or the many who just cannot tell right from left. But still, I like a challenge and despite reservations, I said I would have a go. After all I had left school such a long time ago that all the bad memory's had drifted away like ghosts in the light.

So it was off down to Manchester on the Monday and a drive round in the taxi whilst being interviewed on camera, scary stuff but as it was in my comfort zone, the taxi where I felt a bit more in control it wasn't as bad as I feared.  After a night in a hotel down Manchester, the really terrifying bit began. The building being used was the beautiful but huge and imposing Manchester Grammar School.

As we turned into the sports grounds and down the long drive to the stunning entrance some of the long suppressed dread and fear of school started to bubble to the surface. But once inside the crew and the other victims soon put me at ease again. I decided to keep positive and just relax and enjoy the day.

The other five masochist's were a bit of a mixed bunch and included a man who was a bookshop owner, a charity worker who delivered healthy food to needy area's, a lady who ran a successful review website, a lady who was a retired teacher and a very tall lady university administrator. The last two ladies (pictured) kept mentioning a place unknown to me called Academia one had worked there for many years and the other was still there, dunno what part of the world its in but it sure sounds exotic! The presenter we found was the well respected Aasmah Mir who soon put us all at ease. All in all it was a very slick well organised operation which was really interesting to see being pieced together.

  Three of us opted to take both exams on the subject of English leaving the other three with the dreaded maths.

Well if you want to know how I the long uneducated Taxi Driver from the grim north fared against better educated and far more academic folk from the big city you will just have to watch the Tonight show on the 22nd August. 

 

The group of exam candidates.

The two visitors from mysterious Academia. 

Anti Drink Drive Video

EU set to enforce tough new MOT rules on motorists

EU set to enforce tough new MOT rules on motorists

"Confessions Of A New York Taxi Driver"

Just bought the Kindle version of Gene Salomons book. Its a very good read check it out here

Too Broke to Retire

This from Roy at Irish Taxi an edited TV documentary about the difficulties facing taxi drivers who just cannot afford to retire.

 This tells the story of the Irish drivers but I strongly suspect that this situation is the same for drivers in the trade worldwide.

Being a Taxi Driver, A view from outside the trade.

A guest post from fellow Barrovion Matt from Ram Tracking.

Being a taxi driver

The beauty of being a taxi driver is that, to an extent, you are your own boss, you are in your own car and you get to communicate with a variety of different people. Let’s face facts, as a taxi driver you are never going to be short on stories; some nicer than others. However there are always going to be risks involved with this; personal safety being the most important; thankfully this is rare and you should feel safe in your job. There are new measures that you will have seen popping up such as the introduction of CCTV in taxis.

If being a taxi driver is your profession then one of your most valuable assets is your car. Have you ever wondered what you would do if it was stolen? Not only would you lose the main tool of your trade but think of the other things that you could lose. Satellite Navigation Systems, CD’s, Radio, money; these are all things that could be kept in your car. However, I think most taxi drivers have the intelligence to remove, or at least hide these from view, to protect their car and job. Think about it though, what if the worst did actually happen? How would you pay your bills? Think of the ‘even more’ expensive insurance premiums! What if your vehicle was tracked as part of a fleet? This means that you could instantly locate your car. Also, this would be ideal for personal safety as someone could find you if needs be in an emergency. I just think it could be something to consider. It may seem ‘Big Brother’ to some but to others it may seem like a personal insurance.

From an outsiders point of view I have the upmost respect for taxi drivers; I can only imagine the stress that people actually go through in this job. Dealing with issues such as picking up drunks, having people in your car that you do not want to be there, feeling uncomfortable in your own car with strangers, and having ‘those’ people who think it’s more than OK to fit in more people than you can legally carry.

I can see some great benefits though as no-day is ever going to be the same, you get to meet a variety of different characters in an enclosed space, the conversation will always feel fresh and hopefully you get tipped more often than not.

Taxi driving, like any job, has its up and it’s downs. There will obviously be hazards but it is good to be aware of these so you can prevent things from happening. It saddens me when those things do however they do not outweigh the positives. There will also be great times where you have excellent company in your passenger seats; someone with a great sense of humour that makes you laugh, someone who has enjoyed your company they want to part with more money than it should cost, building a reputation as a taxi driver can reap great awards for you. Overall though, just like in any career, you should always let the positive outweigh the negatives.

This is a guest post written by Matt Jones on behalf of RAM tracking. Matt writes about a variety of topics including music, marketing and the vehicle industry.