Proportions

I was talking to a guy today about percentages and proportions all sorts of interesting stuff. When I dropped him off  I thought of a few rules that seem to apply whilst working as a cabbie especially in certain areas of Barrow.

• The scruffier the house you pick up from the better the mobile phone they will have with them.


• The amount of rubbish in the front garden is proportional to the screen size of the giant T.V in the front room.


• The bigger the rottweiler the more outrageous the kids names, come on Porsche Gypsy Paris Buster Diesel gerrin the taxi)


• The complaints about lack of cash are directly proportional to the amount of times that they are picked up from the bingo hall or boozer.


• The slower they limp out of the house when they think somebody is watching the quicker they run into the off-licence (grog shop for our foreign readers) when you drop them off.


• The bigger and more pretentious the house the lesser the chance of a tip.


• The scruffier the house you pick up from the more blingy the jewellery worn by the fare.


• The whiter the trainers the lesser the vocabulary usually limited to innit,nectar,latta,mingin,wotever,