Friday, April 14

Proportions

I was talking to a guy today about percentages and proportions all sorts of interesting stuff. When I dropped him off  I thought of a few rules that seem to apply whilst working as a cabbie especially in certain areas of Barrow.
  • The scruffier the house you pick up from the better the mobile phone they will have with them.

  • The amount of rubbish in the front garden is proportional to the screen size of the giant T.V in the front room.

  • The bigger the rottweiler the more outrageous the kids names, come on Porsche Gypsy Paris Buster Diesel gerrin the taxi)

  • The complaints about lack of cash are directly proportional to the amount of times that they are picked up from the bingo hall or boozer.

  • The slower they limp out of the house when they think somebody is watching the quicker they run into the off-licence (grog shop for our foreign readers) when you drop them off.

  • The bigger and more pretentious the house the lesser the chance of a tip.

  • The scruffier the house you pick up from the more blingy the jewellery worn by the fare.

  • The whiter the trainers the lesser the vocabulary usually limited to innit,nectar,latta,mingin,wotever,

6 comments:

Dogbait said...

The first three of these apply to my job too. Recently, I had to go into an filthy dump to read a meter, rubbish piled up everywhere including inside the disgusting place. At least the huge plasma TV on the wall helped cover up the peeling paint!

wil said...

I'd like to offer one more.


The more dumpy the house, the more garrish gold jewelery is being worn by the residents.

Mark said...

very true!

here's one from my pizza delivering days: the bigger the house, the less chance you've got of getting a tip.

bob said...

Cheers for that guys I have added those to my list had to change the wording for local use. bling by the way is slang for gaudy jewelry

wil said...

I actually was going to use "bling" and then thought that was probably just an American ghetto term that wouldn't be known outside the states.

File that decision in the
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU "ASSUME" folder.

Bill said...

I know what happens when you assume. Take the word ASSUME and split it up into 3 words ASS / U / ME You make an ass out of u and me :-)