I was talking to a guy today about the rules of percentages and proportions and all sorts of interesting stuff. When I dropped him off I thought of a few rules that seem to apply whilst working as a cabbie especially in certain areas of Barrow.
Please don't take offence cos I'm only messing!
#The scruffier the house you pick up from the better the mobile phone they will have with them.
#The amount of rubbish in the front garden is proportional to the screen size of the giant T.V in the front room.
#The bigger the rottweiler the more outrageous the kids names, come on Porsche, Gypsy, Paris, Buster, Diesel gerrin the taxi)
#The complaints about lack of cash are directly proportional to the amount of times that they are picked up from the bingo hall or boozer.
#The slower they limp out of the house when they think somebody is watching the quicker they run into the off-licence (grog shop for our foreign readers) when you drop them off.
#The bigger and more pretentious the house the lesser the chance of a tip.
#The scruffier the house you pick up from the more blingy the jewellery worn by the fare.
#The more expensive the trainers the lesser the vocabulary usually limited to innit,nectar,latta,mingin,wotever,